What would you think?

Question

Your husband was away in Iraq for a year. Just before he comes home he tells you he wants a divorce. Then he apologizes and says he still loves you, just wants things to change. So he comes home and things are ok. But you catch him talking to some girl on the internet. You read the IM conversation, and it is not good. You question him about it, and he tells you she is just a friend that he has been talking to all year. He has told her intimate things about your relationship and marriage, things you do not normally tell a stranger. He admits to having cyber sex with her, but has never spoken to her on the phone, wrote real mail letters, or seen her on webcam, and of course has never met her. He agrees, to have this marriage work and move forward to not talk to her again. He deletes her from his friends list and blocks her. But what would you think? The talking/cyber was just something to pass time in Iraq...or there was a realtionship forming? Can I trust him never to talk to her again?

Answer 1

Do you expect us to believe that you haven't talked to any men in....what did you say... a year? He came home to you didn't he? Sounds like you have some trust issues or you wouldn't have been checking up on his internet usage.

A little advise here..... people will find what they are looking for.... and that goes for trouble too!

Answer 2

I can't imagine what your husband went through being in Iraq for a year, and this situation certainly isn't helping matters.

It sounds to me like you're not satisfied with the answer he gave you. It also sounds like you don't completely trust him. Did he tell you what he wanted to change in your marriage? Did he explain why he couldn't talk to you? Both of you need to understand why he got involved in a cyber relationship to begin with and how its impacted your marriage. If he's committed to moving things forward, that's a good sign. Find a counselor and allow them to help you work things out. Until you get clarity on why it happened, and he understands how it makes you feel, you'll never be done with it or stop thinking about it.

Answer 3

hmm i dono it could be harmless or a lot more than that...however you need to think about the fact that he was willing to get a divorce with you for this woman. I would definitley be suspecious keep your eye out and talk with your husbund about what he really wants....it's best to be be up front and honest at the beginning it can save yourself from a lot of pain and other troubles later on. It might be hard now but if you just let it slide and don't address it it will be WAY harder when you have to deal with it later.

Answer 4

What's the difference? To me, it wouldn't really matter if it was to "pass the time", or if there was a "relationship forming". If this was the way my husband would be "passing the time" whenever he was away from home - he would NOT be my husband anymore. Dump him, otherwise you would be asking for more of the same.

Answer 5

Sounds complicated.
The thought of a stranger knowing intimate details about me, without my consent, really bothers me.

Is marriage counciling in the works?
He's gonna have to earn your trust, if that's what you want.

Answer 6

I think I would give him just one more chance and try to save my marriage. However, if things don't improve or if you find out he is still involved with her, he needs to make a choice between you and her.

Answer 7

Well there are a lot of ways he could still talk to her without you knowing about it.Like a different id and email address.You can have lots of them on here.If i were you Id trace his emails.and im name.You have to pay for it but there is a site to do that.

Answer 8

well, if you were beside him for this time he was serving his country and a good wife and he comes home and now this. i would say good-bye!!!!