Don't I have the right to know if I am the dad?

Question

In July I re-connected with a woman I used to see several years ago. We have always been close and have great chemistry together. We met when she was single and I was struggling with a failing marriage. Right now we are both married, but she is currently separated. Once we started talking again it wasn't long before we were intimate. We hooked up several times over about 3-4 weeks. In late August she announced that she was pregnant. Two weeks before she gave me the news that she was expecting I happened to see a personals ad from her on the internet seeking another NSA hookup. She is now 20 months pregnant and yet refuses to take a paternity test, and claims the child is mine. I can not get a direct yes/no answer to whether she ever met anyone else while she was seeing me this summer. Since August I have been helping her with expenses related to the pregnancy, including a move closer to me. Don't I have the right to know if the unborn child is mine before things go much futher?

20 weeks pregnant

Answer 1

You have the right to a paternity test. If you are not the father, you are not responsible for her expenses.
Find yourself a lawyer. If you are not the father, it will clear you of any further responsibility.
If you are the father, the lawyer can help you establish a legal payment and visitation schedule. Without one, there is nothing to stop her from collecting your money and keeping you from seeing your child, or someone else taking custody if anything were to happen to her. The lawyer should be able to tell you your particular laws in your state.
Good luck.

Answer 2

Yes, you need a paternity test and you can request that a court order one, but they will not do so until after the child is born. It is possible to do a paternity test before the child is born but there are risks involved which is why the court doesn’t order it (I suppose there could be exceptions to that but they would be few and far between and only under very special circumstances).

You are really in a hard place because IF the child is yours, I’m sure you want to help Mom now, but if a paternity test later proves the child isn’t yours there is a good chance you will never get any of that money back. She will not be required to repay you unless a court orders her to do so, and the court could very well claim that it was a voluntary gift on your part. It doesn’t seem right, I know, but I assure you that there is a good chance it could happen.

I’d suggest you talk to a local attorney about the situation before you give her any more money.

Answer 3

It may sound a little harsh, but I would:

1. Contact an attorney to see what your rights are
2. Go through the legal system and have the courts order a paternity test
3. Keep all receipts from any expenses you've paid in connection with the pregnancy
4. Not send another cent until you have confirmed the child is yours
5. If the child is yours, think about the impact of this on your life and that of your family (It wasn't clear to me if you have children or if you're still married) and be prepared for the fall out. Don't expect your wife and children to be thrilled and embrace this new addition.

First things first: contact an attorney immediately.

Answer 4

There was a court case I think in NY about a guy that THOUGHT he was the father and after the child was born had the paternity test done to find out he was not the father. The kicker is that the court mandated that he had to pay child support to a child that was NOT his because that was what was in the best interest of the child.

Moral of the story GET THE TEST DONE NOW!!!!
You may end up paying for a child that is not even yours.

Answer 5

What?! You're already paying her pregnancy expenses?! Are you dumb?! You need to keep the reciepts for everything you are paying for and when the child is born, demand a paternity test. Go to the courts and demand that one be taken. She won't give you a direct answer of if she's been with someone else because the answer is yes. There'd be no reason to dance around the question if the answer was no. DEMAND A PATERNITY TEST WHEN THE CHILD IS BORN!

Answer 6

at the moment you have no obligations financially and if you don't think you are the father stop paying immediately. If she has this baby and you pay child support...guess what...even if u aren't the father you could be paying child support until the kid is 18. You can get a court ordered paternity test. She should be willing to do one if she says u are the father. If she refuses you know there may be someone else who could be.

Answer 7

Get a lawyer right now!!! You have every right to get that paternity test, and you have no financial obligations to her until you do. If you find out the child isnt yours early, you can avoid being made to pay child support, and you can get back any money you gave to this woman before the paternity test. Protect yourself!!

Answer 8

Yes you can have a paternity test court ordered if you wish. Yous should do this before you get to attached to the child.

Answer 9

You do, but you can't force someone to take a paternity test... just try talking to her about it again and let her know how serious you are of wanting to be in your childs life, if it is yours. Tell her you will contribute financially and that should pretty much make her do it!! hahaha! ok, its not funny...but you need to talk her into doing this. Maybe contact your lawyer to see what action you can take. Or better yet, contact the Maury Povich show!!

Answer 10

First off no one can be 20 months pregnant...lol....And yes! You do have the right to have a DNA test done once the child is born. Make sure you contact the Dr. and go threw the proper procedures...Just because she says its yours doesn't make the child yours. Stand up for your rights!