Husband does not like confrotation why?

Question

When my husband knew that I found out he had been cheating on me, he kept avoiding me just in case a volcano erupts. I approached him calmly on a few occasions but would not communicate and indicatted he did not want counselling because, there was nothing wrong with him yet, he was treating me like dirt while dating and chatting women he got acquanteed with on the internet while I was in his presence!!. I asked him how could he do this in front of me when he knew I loved him so much for all those years we were married.

Answer 1

Hi,
First of all do you have any kids?
Next you have to corner him up to get the satisfaction that you need. Maybe this guyfinds some kind of exotic feelings from chatting with others on the internet. He is living out his fantasy with these women perhaps because he feels to ashame to do them with you. I still need more info from you. like your age and weight. Alot has to do with it. Please email me back.

Answer 2

Girl I am in the same boat, I caught my husband red handed..... Cheating and he thinks that I am dumb enough to forget about it when he can not even come clean to me about the things he did... We are in counseling it is not helping me at all I have made up my mind that HE WILL NOT TREAT ME LIKE A DOOR MAT!! You don't have to put up with it either. Dr Phil says it best you teach people how to treat you! and you now he tells it like it is. It has taken me a few weeks I just walk around the house and let he LIE to me over and over... I had enough of it and I hope that you have had enough of it and move on... I know that it is easier said then done I am still going crazy over it! You have to realize that those are his choices that he made and that you can now make your own choices =-)

Good luck... thinking of you... because I am going through the same thing it is hard to admit to yourself that the person that you love so much is such an A** ho**

Answer 3

To recover from infidelity trauma, a victim has a natural tendency to go back to the traumatic experience, questioning, going over details repetitiously: “What did you do? Where? When? How often?” The traumatized spouse must go over the events until the emotional distress caused by them becomes manageable. They must reach a point where they feel there are no more surprises.
Often, the betraying spouse wants to get things over quickly, after admitting to their infidelity. They must develop empathy for what the betrayed spouse is experiencing, and be willing to live with the pain of guilt, until genuine healing can occur. In addition, the betraying spouse may learn something about them self in the questioning process. They may begin to see their own motives, vulnerabilities, and selfishness. If both spouses can tolerate and control the emotions involved, they may come to a joint understanding of how the infidelity occurred, signaling the beginning of a more substantial level of recovery. Recovery usually takes 1 to 3 years. But it look to me that he is just hanging around waiting for more favorable circumstances.

Answer 4

I read you question before this one, so I assume what you are talking about here is when you see him he does this...or have you reconciled with him and are now living together again? He sure is a spiteful man, he has treated you like dirt. You say you approach him calmly, so maybe he is doing these things to get a reaction out of you....maybe he wants a volcano to erupt....I dont know. In your last question you said why does he keep on contacting you. I would say for exactly the same reasons he is flirting with other women on the net in front of you.....he wants to see a reaction from you. Probably wants to see you hurting because I cannot think of any other reason why he would do this. Have you always been a very controlled woman? Have you always approached things calmly? Have you always kept your feelings to yourself? Have you had an open line of communication with your husband, being able to talk about your feelings, including him in those feelings? Your husband is very bitter for some reason and he is directing this bitterness at you. Its like he is trying to make you pay for something that he thinks you have done. The fact that he says there is nothing wrong with him indicates to me that he thinks there is something wrong with you. Did he really know you loved him for all those years? A person can be there physically, they can even say I love you, but if the actions of love are not felt, then he may have felt you didnt really love him. Did you withdraw from him at some point in your marriage? Did you shut him out at any time?

I dont know how you are going to get him talking, but that is the key to all of this. You have to find out why he is so bitter, and why is he taking this all out on you. When you can find that out, maybe you can work out a solution. You obviously are very confused by how he is treating you. Maybe you could use a different approach with him. Maybe say something like...I understand that I may have not always shown I loved you, but in my heart I have always loved you. Tell him that you have never been much good at expressing your real feelings, but you are prepared to try right now, but in order for you to do this, he has to share his real feelings with you. Just tell him you are confused and you need him to be honest with you. Maybe give him what he wants.....get angry, explode....maybe if you do that you will get to the bottom of why he is so bitter because in the heat of an arguement, lots and lots of things come out...things that you probably would not even be aware of.

I hope you can get to the bottom of why he is deliberately hurting you this way...I honestly think it is revenge for something he thinks you have done or not done. I think also, that before you can really move on with your life, you do need to get to the bottom of all of this. I know it would be driving me crazy, not knowing what I have done wrong.....because thats how he is behaving...he is behaving as if you have done something wrong......find out what it is and you will have your answers.

I wish you all the best.

Answer 5

My boyfriend is a non-communicator, too, but fortunately we haven't had to face something this serious. I am very careful about when and where I approach my bf and pick my battles carefully. In your particular case (and this is just my view of it), it sounds like a case of "if I ignore her maybe she will go away." I think counseling would be a superb idea but it doesn't surprise me he is being difficult about it. People who cannot communicate are insecure and frightened. Be careful not to nag but even if it is ugly for a moment I would gently keep prodding 'cause he's in denial and cannot possibly be happy with himself.

Answer 6

why go through anymore pain with him, he clearly doesn't care about u, and will keep doing just what he is doing. this is who he is, and his character. don't let him get by with it. i would rather be abandoned than live like that. he will leave u anyway when he connects with someone out there, just a matter of time, why not beat him to the punch. what he is doing to u is just reinforcing your low self worth. he refuses to do anything that would save his marriage, and openly does it with no shame. there isn't really anywhere u can go with this marriage but out of it. start saving your money, if your not working get a job, and prepare to make changes. if u don't he will do it himself when he connects with someone he feels good about.

Answer 7

He is taking you for granted, and you deserve more respect than what he is giving you. He doesn't like confrontation with you because he is walking all over you and it seems like he plans on continuing to do so. I suggest you leave him now! You are in for much more misery and cheating unless you do. I am sorry :( Good luck!!!

Answer 8

Why would your husband bother to treat you with respect, when you have no respect for yourself? He will only go as far as you allow him to - and you have allowed and tolerated a whole lot.

In short - because he *can*. Grow a spine, stop complaining, and do something about it.

Answer 9

You need to say goodbye to your man because why wait?
If you don't go now that you know he is a liar & cheater he will only leave you when it suits him !!
call it quits so you can start respecting yourself because he doesn't respect you & he never will