I found out my husband of 10 years has been doing this since he was 14 and since he was 29 on the computer.
He swears that it has nothing to do with me and that he has always loved me. He told himself that what he was doing wasn't wrong because there was no touching.
We discussed cyber sex before we were married and agreed it was wrong and he still did it.
For those of you that have an addiction problem (and yes, the therapist he is seeing has confirmed that), did you stop loving your wife along the way? Did you ever love her? Do you still love her now?
I know it's all very personal but I'm trying to come to grips with this. He is terrified I'm going to leave and I'm terrified about staying.
I know that I didn't cause this and I can't control or cure it but I need to know if he is telling the truth about loving me the whole time....and since he's lied to me for 10 years, I'm just not at the point of believing him yet!!! LOL :)
Any thoughts would be appreciated!! :)
2006-11-28 08:49:34 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Trust me, it has nothing to do with you and nothing to do with love. It is purely a matter someone being very addicted to sex. It's biological. It's like drugs or alcohol accept their are no health consequences so it is a very hard addiction to kick. In fact, you really can't kick it. Even when you abstain you feel miserable.
2006-11-28 08:53:24 · answer #1 · answered by texascrazyhorse 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I know this must be very hard for you. And yes there is no doubt he has an addiction. He has to want to change though and he should want to for you, the woman he loves. If he wont then he doesnt care enough about the relationship to keep it going and it will probably fail. You cannot do all of the work, it is a two way street. I understand why you are upset I would feel the same way, confused, mad, sad...scared. Being in therapy is making good steps in the right direction. He may love you. Lots of men go to titty bars and still love their wives, this is not much different. But if you talked ot him about it he should have given it up. That is what the major issue it. Not the cyber sex. The deception. This is going to take time to get over and you dont need to make any sudden decisions because you are emotionally unstable right now. Take each day one day at a time and slowely the two of you can get over this. But BOTH of you have to want to get past this. I wish you the best of luck!
*** He may not think its wrong but it says in the bible that if a man even looks at another woman sexually then he has already commited adultry in his mind.
2006-11-28 08:58:00 · answer #2 · answered by georgiabelle87 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
The fact that he's seeing a therapist is a huge step in your favor!
The odds are he has loved you the whole time and still does love you.
In my relationship, this is something we've come to terms with through patience and sharing. Yes, he has become, in a way, my cyber lover as well as my real life lover! It's like the fantasies those romance novels cause except I get to play an active role! I don't do pay sites and I'm not a cyber "hooker" but, mmmmmmm, have we both done and learned some things to spice life up!!!
Again, he probably is telling you the truth when he says it has nothing to do with you and he has always loved you.
Good luck!!
2006-11-28 09:30:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
it isn't perfect.there is a few kind of emotional connection and probable actual connection(launch) he's sharing ,with somebody else it really is no longer his spouse . sure it truly is deceptive ignore the completed hook up even as he receives abode.even as one has the idea the objective won't be able to be a techniques in the back of. Iraq isn't a excuse for marriage vows damaged. She might want to easily might want to seek marriage counseling even as he's away to make sure out the finest thanks to administration the topic (in view that her husband will maximum in all probability no longer be a similar after being in iraq) and she or he needs a secure healthful position to vent or a help crew to assemble the right equipment to confront him even as he returns. because that's something which could no longer be exceeded over. GL &GB Mitch: women desire a reason to have sex. adult men purely need an section. video clips > city Slickers
2016-11-29 21:48:09 · answer #4 · answered by hertling 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to stay away from this man,this is considered cheating + this is a disrespect with you and your house,he doesn't care about you he lies to you and this will never have an end.The reason he does that is because he thinks you are not enough witch means you don't satisfies him or you are not good enough.Do you really think you deserve this?This is lies,cheating,no trust and what he does is really ridiculous.You should never put up with something like this because if you do your life will become heel.I hope you learn something from this and give your self some respect because your husband certainly does not.Good luck ...
2006-11-28 09:01:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
He should focus on you and your marriage and stay away from internet sex. Tell him that he has the real thing but if he prefers to pretend -you will not staand in his way. Being lied to is a terrible thing to endure. Once trust is broken it is like a broken dish. You can glue it back together again but it will never be the same All the little cracks will show and you may never be able to use it again.
2006-11-28 08:59:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
How much have you loved him?
Have you been always thrilled with s e x with him, like people are when they are head over heels in love with eeach other... thrilled and oh so enthusiastic with the various dimensions of loving physical affection?
Sheesh lady, he has a s e x drive and you call it an addiction. Is he a food addict too, a water addict. S e x isn't like booze or drugs, s e x is something natural to every human.
But if he is a true addict, then you've been always therefore him, and it still wasn't what he needed. Then this has nothing to do with his love/ or lack of love for you. The logic of "if you loved me you would have an addiction, just doesn't ever hold water". If this is his case then, it has nothing to do with you... it really has nothing to do with s e x, as physical expression of affection.
But if it doesn't have anything to do with his love for you, why are you asking these questions? It sounds like your esteem have been hurt. It's like you want to be in control of his s e x life.
To be fair, I really need to know the whole true story from both sides.
2006-11-28 09:01:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Oh my gosh...I can relate to you so much. It hurts so bad because not only did he deceive you but it feels like you were living a life filled with lies. At least I did. Let me explain my situition and hopefully I can give you some hope to save your marriage as well as myself. I am currently still with my husband. By the end of this month, we will be married for 7 years. But just last month, I caught him watching porn online. I blew up not because he watched that stuff but because he lied to me. He has always preached that stuff like that ruins relationships/lives. I've always suspected that he did watch porn but I never was able to catch him these past 6 years together. There were days when I confronted him out of suspicion but he just made me feel like I wanted to nag at him. Anyways, finally that day I caught him red handed. I saw the embarassement on his face and guilt. We didn't talk for days. I felt...like you said...violated, disgusted...just so fooled. Finally he confessed that he didn't watch it because he likes the girls. He watches it because he likes the adrenaline/rush he gets of being caught or going to get caught by me. Does that make sense to you? I know it's a little different from your husband but it's still an addiction...wheather it's for porn itself or the rush of going to get caught because of watching stuff like that. When he told me that, he seemed like a whole different person. But when I look back to all the years we've been together, we've always been happy, honestly. Still, it wasn't enough to forgive him so quickly. So day by day, we're just trying to live again. I think there's not much he can do to unbreak my heart. It's more about time mending the pain. I still love my man..I mean, for better or for worse, right? I just told him that if I catch him ever again, we're through because if I can't be the reason for him to stop then there's no point of me staying. I think about it everyday and you probably do too but help him through it. When you do that, you help yourself get through it as well. Sorry for the long answer, I just hope it works out for the both of you.
2006-11-28 09:50:32 · answer #8 · answered by pangfvlx 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Im sorry for your situation! I had a similar one and yes he was addicted too.It was talked about at length and was decided that he was to come clean about it.So I pretty much knew everything out in the open.It is the same thing said I think to all us woman ,tht there is no touching ect so it justifys it in there mind of no cheating.All the self blameing we do and feeling bad ect..If you would like to email me please do ....I did solve the problem in my mind anyway!
2006-11-28 08:59:15 · answer #9 · answered by jessy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Listen to texascraz...ignore Jizzmopper (one just has to read his other posts to know what a jerk he is).
(((hugs))) I've been there sweetie and know the pain. In an addicts warped way they truly do love their spouse.I'm happy to hear he is seeing a therapist who acknowledges it an as addiction. There is much hope for your marriage. Peace :-)
2006-11-28 10:15:53 · answer #10 · answered by me 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋