I feel horrible, we use protection everytime, and i ended up pregnant. And my husband says he isnt ready to be a father and wants me to have an abortion. He says we are too young, and he wants to be able to travel and see things and that a baby would ruin his life and everything he worked for. But i dont feel right about killing the baby, and i also dont want to ruin his life. I don't know what to do, do i have the baby and have a miserable husband and be left to raise it on my own while he works to suppport us, or do i abort and feel terrible about myself and regret it. I wish i could convince him that it wont ruin his life, but he wont listen. And i am so upset, sad, and lonely and i am scared i would be a bad mom, and i really do not know what to do. Why is this so hard, we should be happy but yet we arnt.
2006-11-28 08:46:33 · 21 answers · asked by JB 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
A decision won't compe instantly. Did you and hubby dicuss a time frame when you wanted to start a family? What other reasons does he have for not wanting a child other than - "wanting to travel". It seems a little selfish in my honest opinion but I don't know.
Try counseling. Don't be so keen to jump onto the decision of abortion. Both of you need to reach an agreement because you're in this marriage TOGETHER not TO TRAVEL.
2006-11-28 08:56:28 · answer #1 · answered by The First Lady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a horrible position to be in. He needs to stand up and be a man in this. Having a child doesn't ruin your life and everything you worked for, it enhances it all. And having a child doesn't mean you can travel. Since I had my son I've been to Europe twice and California once. Besides, it's better to have the kid younger so that as the child grow you can relate better and have more energy. You can always travel when you get older and enjoy it MORE then when you are younger. All you're going to do when you're younger is party and not remember much of it anyway.
I say have the kid and if he leaves then it's his loss, not yours. He will be the one not getting the joy of see the child born, take his first step, speak his first word, in school concerts, grow up, graduate, have kids of his own. But you will have all those joys and be able to find a man who is good enough for you.
If he was so sure he wasn't ready for a kid then he should have insisted that you go on the pill and/or get his bits snipped, which is reversible once ready. He's just making excuses to stay immature.
2006-11-28 08:53:28 · answer #2 · answered by FaerieWhings 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Honey, it's not just his choice. This is your choice, too, and when you both took those marriage vows, it meant that the both of you were going to go through whatever TOGETHER. It did NOT mean that he has a reason to berate you because things are not going his way.
Now, keep in mind, if you just found out, it could be the shock talking. My husband was terrified when I told him that I was pregnant with this one, and originally wanted me to get an abortion. Once I told him that would absolutely destroy me, though, he told me that he would not dream of making me do something that I could not live with.
If your husband cares about your physical and mental health, he will NOT try to push the subject of abortion onto you. If anything, he should think about adoption, IF KEEPING THE BABY IS NOT AN OPTION.
How old are you guys? If you are under 23, I can kind of understand what he means by the traveling thing. If you are both closer to 30, you need to remind him that while he won't be shooting blanks for a long time, your time to SAFELY have a child is running out.
Instead of thinking only of himself, he needs to think about you and the baby... It takes two to tango, and now it's time for him to exercise the part of his marriage vows where it says, "For better or for worse."
Best of luck to you, and let us know how it turns out.
2006-11-28 09:20:22 · answer #3 · answered by <3 The Pest <3 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
sure you might both be young but you should have knew the risk's befor you had a jump now there is no one that can make the decision for you it has to be your choice
but remember its a life growing in you and your husband will have to come to terms with it if the child is born
and a child would not destroy his work or stop him seein the world infact they let kids on planes and i dont think you will be putting the child in his suit case to goto work so how he thinks it will ruin him i dont know the only person that should be worried about a job is you as you will have the biggest job of your life being a mum
hope it all goes well take care :)
2006-11-28 08:55:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off it takes 2 people to make a baby,he just needs to grow up and face the fact that you are going to have a baby.A baby isn't something that you just throw away,it is a living human.there is a lot of men that is not ready to be a daddy but once he sees his son are little girl than he will change his mind real quick.Good luck and I will be praying for you and your husband.Also take him to the nursery in the hospital and let him see all the cute baby's.I know that it is scary at first but he will get use to it,let him have a chance to get use to the idea that his going to be a dad.
2006-11-28 09:04:21 · answer #5 · answered by Candy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have the child dont get an abortion if he wasnt ready to have a baby then u two shouldnt of had sex u should of been on a better kind of brith control then what u was..if anything go thou with the pregnancy and put her/him up for adption dont sign paper till the last min this way maybe he will change his mind and want to keep it. Listen her i am 17 years old and married and i have a 6 week old child my husband is 23 years old and if never told me anything like that when i found out i was pregnant he is being selfish!
2006-11-28 08:53:23 · answer #6 · answered by Carrie W 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If this baby is what you want, then maybe you need to decide if you can raise the baby on your own. Apparently your husband is being selfish and should have thought about that and been extra careful with protection and birth control. Adoption is another option, but only if that is what you want. You have to carry the baby for 9 months...........NOT HIM!
2006-11-28 08:58:09 · answer #7 · answered by Harley Mama 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off the baby didnt ask to be brought into this world so dont kill it. If all else fails gieit up for adoption!
Give him a chance to warm up to the idea. MAKE him go to an ultrasound. Seeing the little heart flutter might make him see things different! Also bring up all the good facts about babys and how wonderfull it would befor him and his son/daughter to see the world together! you both have 40 weeks to think about things! Good luck hun
2006-11-28 08:51:21 · answer #8 · answered by angelmwilson 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you guys should go to counseling.
But please don't let him talk you into killing the baby. There are so many other options. Adoption! There are millions of people out there who would love to be in your shoes right now. Babies are a gift from God, and I'm sorry your husband doesn't understand that.
God Bless! and hope everything turns out for the best.
2006-11-28 08:57:46 · answer #9 · answered by fromthecabbagepatch 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Instead of killing the baby think about putting him/her up for adoption! You know that your child would be better up with a family that want to have kids but they can't. But your husband may just change his mind.
Best of wishes,
klgeorge68
any other questions go to www.myspace.com/lamma_loving_lady_21
2006-11-28 08:53:13 · answer #10 · answered by klgeorge68@verizon.net 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋