What should i tell my girlfriend?

Question

I have a really good girlfriend that got married in April (but has been with her husband for almost 9 years) She is also 7 months prgenant. They own a hose together and have for te last 5 yrs.... her parents have put a lot of work into their house with upgrades and she thinks that her husband has a drug problem. Now she says that they fight all the time and neither of them are happy. They hardly talk to each other and she wants out but won't leave because she doesn't want him to get anything form the profit of the house. She calls me crying all the time, I don't know what to say to her... any suggetions or has anyone been thorogh something like this?

Answer 1

Since she is pregnant, she should consider counseling for she and her husband to discuss their relationship. If he is unwilling, or continues to use drugs, this is an unhealthy environment for their child. She could lose the house if he is caught with drugs in the house. She could even lose her child.

Assure her that if she decides to get a divorce, she will not lose everything. I'm not sure what state she is in, but most laws say it must be split 50/50. The laws only count the actual length of the marriage. If she really wants to keep the house, it wouldn't be difficult to have a judge award her the house for she and the child, but she would need to "buy him out" by giving him half the value of the house, or other assets to equal it. It sounds like she has a supportive family, hopefully they can help her through this.

I have a sister of a friend who's been through something similar. She divorced her husband because he used drugs, and pushed her while she was holding their baby. She had him sign off all parental rights to the child, so the child could not be used as leverage for money, etc., and also to ensure that he was in a safe environment. Her parents are the legal guardians if anything happens to her.

If your friend doesn't want him to get profits from the house out of spite, or because he didn't contribute to the upgrades, she will most likely have to accept it so she can move on with her life and find happiness for she and her baby.

A good lawyer may be able to get her more, but she may have more trouble from her husband for custody, visitation, etc. If he is using drugs, he is unfit. If she believes he is, she should prove him unfit to protect her child.

Sorry such bad news, but I hope this helps. Best of luck to all of you.

Answer 2

The source of the problem is "the husband is on drugs" she is having a baby and probably under a lot of stress which is not good for her and the baby right now, she has you and her parents together you all can get him the help that he needs, her leaving now will not solve anything, ask her to please stop fighting with him for now until you all figure out how to approach him.

Answer 3

She's probably not looking for answers and just needs a friendly ear so she can vent. This is her problem, and there may be negative consequences to your suggestions. Consider that the couple may remain together--you don't want to be pegged as the person who tried to help break them up. She's with this guy for more reasons than the house--or else she'd already have given up on him. Stay out of the middle of their conflict. If she decides to split, she needs a lawyer that can advise her not a friend. Good Luck

Answer 4

Does she suspect he has a drug problem, or does she know for sure? Suggest that she talk to him about it and ask him to seek professional help. If that doesn't work, she can call social services and set up an intervention. Unfortunately, the law in most states says all assets acquired during marriage are split 50/50.

Answer 5

I think tom a has a pretty good response. I used to have a girl friend and she would call me all the time and complain about her husband. I listened to her and sometimes offered advice and this went on for years. Finally after listening to her stories and hearing her cry far to many times, I said in a calm voice, Divorce him! Well that wasn't to her liking and she never called me again to complain about him. We did however remain friends for a long time after that.
If she decides to take steps towards separation/divorce it will be best just to listen, it's all up to her.
Don't pay any attention to Karena, she thinks your a man friend. I looked at your questions, so I knew you were a woman friend.

Good luck stay strong.

Answer 6

I'm not sure of the state ur in , but he will not be able to walk away with everything. She can suggest to sell the house, and split the profit. Or the judge can c fit that she is with child to give her the house. The best thing is for to seek legal advice.

Answer 7

If she thinks he has a drug problem and she is that unhappy, then she should tell him to leave....the courts would never make a pregnant wife leave the home...he will have to support her and the new baby until she decides what to do...why would she want to stay together under the circumstances...it won't be easy but eventually she will be happier.

Answer 8

that sounds terrible but.... i think if she has good social support she might be able to get divorced and raise the baby on her own or with the help of her family. i know a lot of single moms who can make it out all right. she doesnt' need to feel like she's tied down by her husband, especially if any kind of physical, emotional, or drug abuse is going down.

Answer 9

first of all shes married estupid and u need to get a test to see if its urs obviously she dont want u if shes with her husbad who care about the house if she wants to be with u she will get up and go and start a new life so maby u should hook up with the druggies sister

Answer 10

i don't think its ever too late for a prenup.. tell her to wait until he's all drugged out to have him sign it...then he won't have an excuse for when he's sober and realize what he signed...he can't really say in front of a judge "hey man i was doped up when i signed that!"