what do you think of my new poem?

Question

“The Three Essentials of Life”
Brittany Evanko




There were times you looked at me
When you were all I could see.
What happened to the times when nothing else mattered?
Now I am in a thousand pieces with my heart shattered.

The friends I thought I had are gone.
I sit in my room, away from everyone, withdrawn.
Gone from the world, departed from my soul, shun from everyone I know.
Now that it is all over, you no longer have to put on a show.

Family, the ones you think you know the best.
Each night, you lay your head thinking you are blessed.
Even they can slip right through your hands, gone forever, never to be seen again.
Just thinking what you would do to see them again is such an emotional strain.

As I sit by the window seal, watching the rain fall.
In this huge world, I feel incredibly small.
Knowing that you’re gone, it kills me inside.
In all actuality I am alive, but really, my soul has died.

There only a few people in this world you can trust.
Just a second is all it takes for them to diminish like dust.
When that bond breaks and your soul has been deprived
Sometimes, it is a wonder that I have survived

Although there are times when you don’t get along,
No matter what happens, families always shall stay strong.
When you think of home, a sense of warmth should come to mind.
A place where you can sit by your window, watching the rain fall and unwind.

Answer 1

not bad at all but, a little editing to eliminate a few un-needed words would help and using spell check.....I'll give you a 8 1/2 out of 10...good luck...

Answer 2

Thats pretty good kiddo. Go to poetry.com, they published one of my poems once.

Answer 3

I like it.

Answer 4

wow.. that was deep. i really got caught up in it. good job.

Answer 5

that was a nice poem...very great....good job...

Answer 6

That was awesome.