I just found out my wife cheated on me a year before we were engaged (now 2.5 years ago). What should I do?

Question

We were dating long-distance.

Answer 1

Since you used the word "cheated", I assume that you two had agreed to be exclusive at that time. If so, you should talk to her about it. Clearly it is hurting you. I wouldn't have a big confrontation over it. Just say that you learned of it and it hurts and you'd like to understand it.

Then the two of you should visit marriagebuilders.com and go through all of the articles about honesty, in particular, the one about "historical honesty."

Then, put it behind you and move on.

Answer 2

Without knowing all of the details and simply going off what you did say, I would say do nothing. It was before you were married or even engaged and you were living far apart. While it's understandable that it hurts and I'm sure it's difficult to get it out of your head, dwelling on it is only going to make matters worse. Find a way to let it go before it ruins your marriage.

Answer 3

Ask yourself this question: "Will I be happier without her?"

If the answer is "no", and I'm sure it is, then you two need to find a way to talk about why it happened so you can feel comfortable that it won't happen again. Just because you weren't married, or even engaged, doesn't mean you weren't emotionally commited. She's got to address your feelings and own up to the pain she caused.

You two might go visit a couselor once or twice, it could help you to learn to talk about it without making her feel worse about what she did than she probably already does.

Answer 4

Did you ask her why she cheated?? If you are able to forgive her then you should if you can't forgive then maybe this is the correct time for you two to be separated and figure things out. Just remember if you decide to stay then you need to remember that this was in the past before you two got married and let it go. Don't bring it up again and move forward.

Answer 5

what has she done after u married her? has she been a good wife, have u been happy so far? i would do nothing she wasn't married to u than, focus on what is in the now not what was in the past. do u have a good marriage? has she cheated lately? if not forget about it and move on cause she picked u to marry not the other guy. we all had relationships prior to getting married, and engaged. everyone had a past. don't allow your pride to get the better of u.

Answer 6

It was 2.5 years ago. What are you going to do? You weren't married yet and were not engaged. Hell she may have even thought you two were on a "break". You will have to find a way to move on.

Answer 7

Leave her and not look back. But that's me... I have no room for people I can't trust in life. If you must be lonely, you are better off being alone. This goes for friends as well.
If a person can not stay faithful in relationship of few years, they won't in marriage of 40 years. The ones who think otherwise, are usually cheaters.

Answer 8

Nothing. It was before you were married, it was before you were even ENGAGED. If your marriage is good, she hasn't cheated on you since, get over it.

If it was a long distance relationship, she was probably missing YOU!

Answer 9

Mike Tyson thinks you should punch her in the uterus. Scott from Modesto has a different suggestion. He thinks you should take her on a fishing trip. Christmas is coming you know.

Answer 10

Talk to her about it. It's probably nothing to worry about. It was a long distance relationship and those are really hard to deal with. Don't jump to any ultimate conclusions about your relationship until you sit down and talk to her about it. Hopefully she feels horrible about it and won't do it again. Best of luck!