Recently my bf told me he might still have feelings for his ex. He told me he knows for sure that he loves me, but doesn't know how he feels about her. This all stems from his finding out that she has a new bf. He's going home (we go to school in VA, but he's from MN) over winter break, and he said he won't know how he feels about her until he sees her. Well, I'm trying to continue like everything is normal, but I'm really depressed. I love this man...I could totally see myself married to him. That's the scary part - he said he could seem himself married to me, too, but that's also how he felt about his ex. It's hard for him to understand you could love more than 1 person. Anyway, how do I overcome this depression? I'm just so sad.
2006-11-28 07:39:02 · 19 answers · asked by skichamonix515 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Sadness is a natural reaction to this kind of information.
His honesty is a good sign for the future of your relationship. If he needs to resolve lingering feelings before committing 100% to you then you are wise to let him.
It sucks that he is ruining your holidays by giving you something to worry about.
Know that there is nothing that you can do to change this. It has all to do with the fantasy that he still has about her.
She has moved on. If you can be patient and focus on something outside of your relationship during the holidays you will be better off.
Take care of yourself.
2006-11-28 07:43:53 · answer #1 · answered by anirbas 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may see her, and desire her a bit because everyone always wants what they can't have. His ex having a new beau is just making him wonder "what if".
The thing you have to remember is.. why is he with you? If he's with you, desires you, loves you, sleeps with you.. what are you worried about? If his ex has a new beau, it's not like he's going to run home to MN and convince her to go back with him... at least to me that's very unlikely especially considering he brought up his feelings to you.
As far as him having feelings for his ex. Everyone always has some sort of feelings for their ex...but in the end, they broke up for a reason. Both you and your boyfriend need to understand the difference between being "in love" and "loving someone". The two of you are probably "in love" where as, your boyfriend probably still "has love" for his ex. That doesn't mean he's going to try and run off with her...at least I would hope not.
If you talk to him about it soon.. tell him that it's ok if he still feels "love" for her and maybe confirm that he's "in love" with you. It's natural to still have feelings for a person you were in love with at one time.
But I would make sure not to be angry with him over this.
As far as your depression....is it depression, or anxiety over the situation. Are you trying to withdraw out of a fear of being rejected?
I think you should embrace the fact that this man not only says he loves you, but he also tells you his concerns openly instead of hiding them from you. I don't think this is a cause for feeling depressed. You might miss him over winter break...but I'm sure you'll talk to him. It should work out fine.
2006-11-28 08:01:49 · answer #2 · answered by mj 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is better for him to realize this now, rather than ya'll getting married and having kids and realizing it then. If I were you, I'd tell him I want to see other people as he is not ready to settle down yet. As far a how you feel, get out of your apartment, go for a walk. Go do something that does not include your bf or thinking about your bf. Go do something fun.
2006-11-28 07:46:33 · answer #3 · answered by Michelle G 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well honey, you have the right to be upset. You tell him that you're not going to sit around and wait for him to decide if he still has feelings for her or not. He says he loves you, but he also says he "might" still have feelings for her, what does he expect you to do - be there for him until he decides what he wants? Don't you think you deserve better...and do you really want to consider marrying a man who is NOT over his ex...trust me, don't. Tell him to take some time and some space and decide how he feels about you. He can't be in love with you & still have feelings for her.
My honest opinion - he's gonna take a go at her & see if she'll have him back...if not, he's got you to fall back on. If she does, then he thinks he's going to "soften the blow" to you...
Honey, you deserve better. I know it hurts, but stand up for yourself!
2006-11-28 07:45:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't put so much weight on relationships if they are still young enough to not be stable. If he isn't sure of his feelings for others then it's way too early to even think about marriage or let yourself get depressed over it. It will work itself out one way or another, don't let it bug you (easier said than done I know).
2006-11-28 07:42:12 · answer #5 · answered by Proximus 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe, just maybe even though he might still have feelings for his Ex, he could still love you more. If you dont think so, dont let it get you down.Your perfect match is out there somewhere. Dont let this man get you down. You have your whole life ahead of you.
2006-11-28 07:47:09 · answer #6 · answered by Hannah W 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is selfish and immature. You will suffer for a short time if you leave him now. However, if you stay, you will suffer indefinitely. Best to get busy, surround yourself with close friends and family, and avoid seeing him. Just a matter of time before you get over him. Finish school and go on w/ your life. Someone better for you.
2006-11-28 07:47:00 · answer #7 · answered by rbt33176 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go directly to the nearest place were people are and pick up a new guy forget about him he sounds like a air head you deserve better
2006-11-28 07:42:44 · answer #8 · answered by delmonticoman 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie-
Cut him loose until he makes up his mind. In the mean time, work on yourself...find things other then him to make you happy. Don't try to find someone else right away- just work on yourself for awhile!
Seriously, if he still has feelings for someone else, he's not 100% there for you!
2006-11-28 07:43:14 · answer #9 · answered by preciouspinkla 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well i think you should tell him to screw off....I mean ive been with my b/f for a longtime, and if he ever said that to me, id kick him to the curb...and move on. Cuz if he loves you then he wouldnt be thinking about anyone else, or have any feelings for any other girls.... GOOD LUCK
2006-11-28 07:45:25 · answer #10 · answered by pregnant with # 2 :-) 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋