Recently my bf told me he might still have feelings for his ex. He told me he knows for sure that he loves me, but doesn't know how he feels about her. This all stems from his finding out that she has a new bf. He's going home (we go to school in VA, but he's from MN) over winter break, and he said he won't know how he feels about her until he sees her. Well, I'm trying to continue like everything is normal, but I'm really depressed. I love this man...I could totally see myself married to him. That's the scary part - he said he could seem himself married to me, too, but that's also how he felt about his ex. It's hard for him to understand you could love more than 1 person. Anyway, how do I overcome this depression? I'm just so sad.
2006-11-28 07:35:03 · 6 answers · asked by skichamonix515 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
It's actually a rather common thought-process. He's questioning his level of commitment to you, which is not necessarily a bad thing. We all fear making a wrong decision, especially in matters of the heart. All ex's were something much more attractive before they became ex's, and after an amount of time apart, we forget why they became ex's.
I'm thinking he will come back to you, and when he does, he won't have any doubts, which will be a very good thing.
2006-11-28 07:46:21 · answer #1 · answered by lowflyer1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're in college now, and are from different places...marriage is a big IF when you graduate.
You'll both need to get jobs and will he want to stay in VA? He may want to go back to MN and even if this ex is part of that or not - it may be that he'll always be connected to MN and this girl is just another reason he's being pulled back emotionally.
I think it's rude that he's even mentioning these odd feelings. That's not something you tell someone unless you're really conflicted. Maybe he's hoping to go back home and win her back. Otherwise why would he mention it to you? To prepare you just in case? I don't know you - but I think you deserve more respect than that. Honestly, I did that to someone right before I broke up with him. I told him I was having feelings for a "friend" when he was really no such thing. I already knew I wanted to break up - I was just trying to prepare him.
Anyway - good luck. The good thing is - you're young and there are a lot of guys in college. Once you're out in the real world - meeting men is alot harder.
2006-11-28 15:47:11 · answer #2 · answered by mama_mia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I have to give him credit for even telling you !! But the little peckerhead is obviously confused.
There is not way to make you feel better... Lets just hope that hi ex is head over heals in love with the new guy and tells YOUR guy to take flying leap. Sorta sad that he has to be told that so he comes back to you. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh men/boys just make me want to scream sometimes !!! The little selfish brats have no clue to the feelings they hurt.
I wish you luck with this and try to keep you head up and your spirits up high !! Sorry you have to go through this !
2006-11-28 15:45:06 · answer #3 · answered by Kitty 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he wants to marry you, then there are no feelings for the ex. Perhaps a love you have for your fellow man. Otherwise, you are the future, so he needs to leave the past behind, or it will eat at the both of you.
2006-11-28 15:43:51 · answer #4 · answered by Big Biscuit 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he has trouble with commitment...and you should show him the door. Tell him that he has to figure out what he wants for sure...but that you aren't going to sit there patiently while he makes up his mind. Get out and meet people...go out with a group of friends and socialize...just don't sit around alone and wonder what he's doing (that will just make you more sad and depressed).
2006-11-28 15:51:00 · answer #5 · answered by SUSAN N 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is just checking out his best option, rather nasty in my opinion,he is either with you or he is not, none of this I will let you know if you qualify
2006-11-28 15:39:31 · answer #6 · answered by rkilburn410 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋