Men going to the bar?

Question

My husband wants to go to bars, but it seems like he only wants to go when he's drinking. He gets in this kind of weird mood about it when he drinks. I don't like it. I'm not 21 yet so I can't go with him and i'm pregnant. Am I being overly protective? My huband doesn't seem to know when enough is enough when I comes to alcohol. I'm just afraid of him getting into a bad situation of any kind. Am I being too bossy?

Answer 1

No. You simply want him to be alive to see your child grow up and not die in a terrible car accident. If he wants to go to the bars, then let him go. But tell him that when you turn 21, you'll be going out while he is at home with the baby. See if he changes his mind. I bet he will!

Answer 2

Let him go provided he's accompanied with a friend or two you can trust to leave him with. That way he's not driving and you know if he doesn't come home he's crashing at their house. Otherwise, being pregnant even without being 21 yet I don't think you are being too bossy, just protective. Just be careful with how you word things to him and your tone. If you come off as nagging then he's just going to get pissy about it. Let him have a guy's night out...he needs it especially while you're pregnant. My husband had a poker night. He met up with friends at a bar, did some drinking, played some poker and got a ride home at 3 or 4 am. It actually came in handy when the few times I'd get up, he could bring home something I was craving lol. It was the best way he was able to deal with how moody I was during my pregnancy...not to mention it calmed his nerves because he was very nervous about becoming a father. Now that the baby is here, he goes out every now and then for a guy's night but we trade off so I can have a girl's night. Congrats and best of luck!

Answer 3

No, you are not being bossy....but i'm sure that's what he's saying your acting like....His mother, not his wife. Right?

Been there honey!


I completely understand your feelings because a bar ins't the place for a married man to begin with....and they are espcially not for a man who has a young and pregnant wife.

I was emphatic with my (now) husband when we were dating because I had lost my first fiancee to a drunk driving car crash, and I had just had a baby with that man too....so I know what can happen when a man puts his habit, before those he loves and before his responsibility.

My suggestion to you would be to explain to your young husband that when you got married things changed and when you both created your child, things changed even more. That doesn't mean the complete loss of freedom, but it DOES mean that you cannot think of what you want FIRST anymore. He must always think like a father now instead of just thinking of himself.

Then explain to him that he needs to create his own space to be safe and still be able to do most of what he wants. If you have a garage, let him turn it into a "man space" complete with a bar setup, couches for the guys, and a dart board and stereo. Let him know that you want him to still feel like he can get away, but that you need to know that he is safe and nearby should you need help or go into labor. This will give him something to focus on while still being close to you and the baby....

Be careful about your tone of voice and be sure to smile and let him know that you love him and are not trying to control him, but rather be the best mom you can be for your unborn child. Communicating effectively will help you a lot not only in your marriage but in raising your child.

If you need any further help you can IM me or e-mail me tomorrow.

Good Luck and Blessings!

Answer 4

No your not being too bossy if you're really being concerned that your husband may have a problem with alcohol.
But if your husband is around the same age as you, then you need to remember that people your age are normally into partying, travelling, having fun, going to school, and/or figuring out what they want to do with their lives. Not already married with a kid on the way, you're barely considered adults!
I think you need to really think about what your real motives are behind not wanting your husband to go out. Are you saying it because you really think he has a problem or are you worried he may hit on other girls while his pregnant wife is stuck at home? If it's cause you're thinking he might pick up women or they might hit on him, then you have other issues to deal with then just whether you think your husband parties too much for a 20-something year old. Talk to him about it seriously when he's sober, not just when he's drunk and brings up going out. You both may need to compromise on this issue, with him hanging out at home more and drinking less, and with you being more understanding that with people as young as the two of you, being married AND expecting a kid that he still needs to be able to be young and have fun, well, so do you for that matter! You guys seemed to have skipped a large portion of your youth and jumped straight into the hard part of life.

Answer 5

He doesn't understand how he's hurting you. he needs to be there for you. first off, never give an ultimatum (stop going to the bar or get out). that's the last thing you need as a pregnant wife.
simply sit him down (sober), and tell him that his drinking is affecting you. tell him that you don't want him to get into a bad situation because of his drinking. show concern for him. by the way, in response to the actual question, no, you're not, what you're doing is perfectly good. good luck, email me if you'd like more advice on anything.

Answer 6

When I was younger I thought it would be OK for my husband(ex now) to go to bars without me.I trusted him? MARRIED MEN DO NOT BELONG IN BARS WITHOUT THEIR WIFE!! It will only lead to trouble.I was married to a man that was in a band.We spent almost every weekend in bars for 9 years.You would not believe all of the cheating going on out there.People you would never dream would cheat on their mate, but doing it right there for everyone to see.And what's bad --people that know you and know what's going on--won't tell you.They don't want to get involved or whatever.If I was you I would put my foot down and tell him he does not need to go to the bar without you and until you have your baby --I wouldn't be in a bar.Too many things could happen.Just tell him how you feel.Cry if you have to.I wish you luck.Congratulations on the new baby!!

Answer 7

is he going out alot? like once a week? or twice a month. it depends. if your man going out every week he wrong. you sound like a young couple.and if he is going out every week no your not being to bossy, you feel trap your not 21 and your pregnant so of course your going to feel the way you feel but he being selfish if he going out every week. and i hate to say it but your husband likes to drink. and afraid you got a problem. that mood you said he gets into after a drink that's the going out mood. it's not weird. he just likes the night life. sooner or later it's going to harm your relationship. and you know it. read ten stupid things couples do to mess up their relationships by Dr. Laura C. Schlessinger

Answer 8

Well, first of all, people usually only go to bars to drink....you could go with him, seeing as you're married, but I understand the pregnant part....sounds like he's not ready to grow up and be a man that stays home with his family....if you can live with it, good. If not, try to get used to it...sounds like you're both young....only time will tell if he'll be willing to change his behavior....good luck with this one!

Answer 9

I think he maybe taking advantage of the situation because you are under age and pregnant. You should talk to him about it! I don't think it's being bossy at all, he should consider you feelings.
What is going to happen after the baby? Will that be his excuse then?

Answer 10

Thats a tough situation, because that exactly what 21 year old guys do. I keep telling young women, unless a guy is at least 10 years older then you there will be problems because they mature so slowly. And then when they are 35, you get dumped for a 25 year old . It happens over and over.