shouldn't i just die since i'm a failure at life..?

Question

This is going to be way too long. its ok if you dont answer

i've always been real shy and felt real messed up and detached since all my life. or just like i didn't belong. so i never got close to anyone. it's been impossible to hold onto people. theres been times where i hated people and really didnt want to but i just did. like i want people and everything in my life to be perfect but everything gets to me and lets me down. i stopped caring about myself completely at about 13. i would do just the bare min. to get things done, to live. by the time i became a junior in hs i lost all my friends and became really afraid of people and going out in general (always had this anxiety it just grew). aug. 2005 i was a senior. but katrina hit my hometown and i had to relocate. my family kept saying how we were gonna leave the area we relocated to and i thought that meant my credits from the new school wouldnt be accepted to another place. i was confused and felt like no one cared

i got unmoivated w/ school and saw no point in it. i wanted to start fresh. so my parents let me sit out. i wasted a year of my life. i'm 19 now. i started my senior year again in aug. 2006 but left because i couldnt handle it. im completely afraid of people now. i kept having panic attacks and wanted to kill myself the whole time there. i couldnt concentrate because i felt like a loser. i was ashamed for quitting school and felt like i didnt belong there. i thought not knowing anyone wouldnt get to me but its so lonely your senior year of highshool not having anyone to talk to. i should have gave it some time but i didnt. i left. then i tried some home schooling independent study work (actually i was trying to do it last year when i dropped out but i gave up on this too). i can't do the english work. i cant teach myself. i'm unmotivated, depressed, and have no self esteem whatsoever. its very hard doing something when you're planning on killing yourself anyway.

should i just get my ged?? because i'm afraid i wont ever finish this school work. i want to but i'm not in the right state of mind to. i've already settled for less than i'm able to do so yeah i might as well get my GED so i can maybe finish highschool before i reach 20. then i can go to a community college and yeah get on with my life. i'm so depressed because i completely ruined my life.

Answer 1

Honey, you sound so sad, and I feel your pain. I have really bad anxiety and epression and I'm on medicine for it. I hate to throw that at you, but it might be an option to help with both, which you'll need if you want to try community college. I think for school you should find a school online if you state has one (and most do) and finish high school that way. That's what I did because I couldn't stnad to be around people. I'm sorry that you were a victim of Katrina, and I'm glad you're talking about how you feel, but you need help that people online can't give you. You need a doctor and your family and support and most of all, it sounds like you need friends. You don't need to die, you are a precious person on this Earth and you deserve to be happy. I hope you feel better and I hope you find ways to deal with your depression and anxiety.

Answer 2

Remember that nothing in this life is perfect; everything has a flaw, and so do humans; it's natural. I'll be honest with you; I really don't care for people all that much, but I look at it this way, they add color, spice and variety to this world of ours. I am polite when I need to be and a hellion when I need to be, so as to balance the scale. I lost a lot of friends myself and the reason is I'm extremely secretive. You can't keep friends when you're secretive.
There is no need for you to die.
Get out a piece of paper and write down these words:
Today is a brand new day the past, and Katrina are dead (trying not to be cold, but to turn you away from sad things, you just don't need those) and gone. I live in the now, each minute that passes I will put one foot forward into the future.
Having said that; keep in mind that everything takes time.
All school transcripts are accepted in all schools, thought I would add this just incase; especially in the states.
Now you mentioned something about English. Perhaps you need a tutor. Perhaps you can visit a local high school and or community college and ask where you can find one.
You are not a failure you've just had it rough. When the going gets rough the tough get going.
Go get em tiger!!!

Answer 3

To me, it is a tough age in the teen years anyway. Everybody feels awkward, some people hide it better. You made it through most of your high school, and you were a senior when Katrina hit?!?! Hey, that's a big deal right there! Without the catastrophe of Katrina, relocating in your senior year of high school can be stressful enough. Man, then factor that in as well! Cut yourself a break!! You have certainly not proven yourself to be a failure. You had a difficult time before in your school, but like some of the other answers have stated, get your education. Get your GED. That is the only way to go. School was intimidating to you and then a hurricane hits, then a big move, anyway, the point here is: stop pressuring yourself! You have plenty of time to get your mind on studying for getting your GED. Don't put a time line of 20 yrs old on yourself. There are probably many Katrina victims who will not graduate from their high school and be forced into circumstances similar to yours and obtaining a GED maybe 4 or 5 years from now. There is not a single person on this earth who would not understand why you would get a GED and it may be a little later than the average high school age of graduation. Don't give up on yourself. I know it seems like 19 years old is not that young. It is when you are thinking that you have some how failed at life. You are just getting started. Think about how many things have happened and changed in your life over the last 5 or 6 years. It's been more than you can probably count. Well, in the next 5 or 6 years, there are going to be alot more changes in your life. You do not know what your life holds in store for you. You've already survived so much, it would be pitiful to quit now. You haven't been where you are for a very long time. When you are shy by nature, it takes even longer to feel like you belong. Friends will become more abundant. This is an age where generally people mature in their ways of making friends. I don't mean just you, I mean the people you come in contact with as well. There isn't that snooty high school b.s. to deal with. You will outgrow your shyness somewhat over the next few years. That is just human nature. There is no telling what all life has in store for you. Don't think all these negative thoughts that make you go into the suicidal mode. Who knows? Your son or daughter may miss out on someday having a wonderful mother who loves them very much. You have many happy times ahead of you. Don't quit now having just had all the bad times happen. Give yourself a chance to be a happy person. You have only gone through a small percentage of your life. People do care. I care, and I don't even know you. I am sure the people in your family and others who will have the opportunity to know you are going to care as well. Try and open up to them just a little. Just as much as you can feel comfortable doing. You're more comfortable on this q/a board because you remain some what anonymous. Let somebody else know what you are dealing with like you did on the question that you asked.
Best wishes!!!!

Answer 4

If you have parents that are around you should talk to them. If you can admit to them that you have thought of ending your life, they might be able to express to you how valuable they think you are as a person and how sad they will be if you were not around.

You should not die because you feel you are a failure. Life is a series of tasks that happen everyday, not just things you did or didn't do in the past. You will have opportunities to be successful today and other days in the future. You have to keep living in order for these opportunities to happen. You don't want to miss out.

Getting a GED is an option. You can go to a library and get books on what is involved in getting a GED. You might also want to talk to any career counselors or school counselors you have access to.

You might also want to seek therapy so you can talk to a professional about how you feel.

Yahoo answers is probably not the best way to get help for your problem. You should call some sort of support line to have a real conversation with someone who cares.

Answer 5

First, your only 19!! That is very very young. Second, you have not "ruined" your life - you cant just focus on the past 1-2 years and let that be the summary for ALL 19 years of your life. What was life like when you were 10, 11 etc. You're focusing all your energies on the bad and not balancing it with the positives - not that its easy to do.

Its always good to get a degree. So you should get the GED. No question about it. The question is how to go about doing it - how to get the motivation and support you need to finish it. Here you need the support of family, friends, school counsellors, etc. You really do need this, in my opinion. You need to get back in the mode of school work and schedules and homework, etc. It will be initially hard, but after a while it will become easier and well worth the effort you put in.

Its also good to have some type of religious / spiritualiy element to your life. This gives much needed motivation and allows you to be in contact with people of simliar backgrounds from which you can rely upon for help.

Finally, you should condiser seeing a counsellor if you can.

Just my 2 cents.

Answer 6

Because the idea of success is a shifty thing and you shouldn't let others define it for you. Because eventually the whole mess will turn around and being happy is the best revenge to those who tried to grind you down. Because suffering can make you smarter, better, and more empathetic later in life.

Because things will get better. It might take a few years but it will happen. Because when I was younger I felt the same and I'm good now. It will happen.

Because if you don't care if you live or die you might as well just keep living. It's easier and at least you know the food here is okay and god only knows what they serve in the afterlife.

Because killing yourself is selfish and makes the people who do care about you doubt themselves - wow, I must be a really crappy, awful friend/family member/pet/etc if she had to off herself to get away from me.

Hang on. Just hang on. Trust me.

Answer 7

I can't relate to your suicidal tendencies, but I can certainly relate to your fear of socialising and your rocky travel through the education system. I've been there and done that. I was 20 when I went back to school. I went to a 'senior college' which basically means adult re-entry. Because it was a school with adults in mind, the students are there because they want to learn, and the environment is unbelievably different to a high school. I found people there who had been through similar life experiences and understood where I was coming from. The teachers were great, too. I really recommend adult re-entry for your schooling. Find a subject you're passionate about and you will find people you can connect with and the teachers will help you develop whatever talent you have.

One beautiful thing about the world now is it's never too late. I met people at the college and since, at university, who were twice my age and changing careers or just starting out after having families. Believe me, you're on the starting blocks, so don't feel like you're wasting your life.

As for the way you're feeling about everything, open up to your family. They're probably more in tune with you than you realise. And if you can't bring yourself to do that, talk to a councellor. For my part, you're welcome to e-mail me if you just want a friendly ear.

Answer 8

Relax.

Start shaping your life into what you want it to be. It doesn't matter if you've "let yourself go". Build yourself back up again. You are strong enough to do it, if only you decide you WANT to.

There are a lot of people who suffer from similar anxieties as you describe, including myself. I would recommend speaking to a counselor. It's nothing to be ashamed of. If you can't afford one, pull out the yellow pages and search for mental health organizations. Start calling each one and explain your situation; tell them you need help; ask them for advice. It may take a few calls but you will find what you need, perhaps a free service or a support group. You will feel so much better when you can meet people who understand what you're feeling.

There's no easy answer...but there are ways to feel better. You've only got to look.

Good luck.

Answer 9

Provided that your life was ok until 13, your childhood was happier than mine ( I was in a state similar to your during all of my childhood ).
I considered suicide. And there is only one reason why I didn't do it: I had the hope that one day things could get better.

I was the very last student in my class in my senior year of high school, I got my high school diploma ( my mother just couldn't believe it ).
I am now 26, I have an M.B.A. and I make $45,000/year - but that really isn't the most important. The most important is that during my college years, I managed to become much more socialized and hang out with people.

You can contact me at opw2 {at} njit {dot} edu

Answer 10

You should take some time to clear your head if not go and talk to someone to gain confidence. Everyone had rough times and need a break, just remember that you might not have that car right now but that just means you have a goal and you can reach it it just takes time, I'm in college myself and money is always tight I just have to remind myself that it'll all be worth it when I'm done and in my career.