I'm enganged and I'm 3 months pregnant. It seems as thought my fiance has been holding off our marriage. I bring it up to him sometimes but he is just deaf to what I have to say. This isn't at all home I wanted the order of my life to go in and I don't know what to tell him or what to say. He is ready to go house shopping with me again, but I would like our baby to be born to a married couple.What should I do?!?!?
2006-11-28 06:31:02 · 27 answers · asked by my nickname 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm enganged and I'm 3 months pregnant. It seems as thought my fiance has been holding off our marriage. I bring it up to him sometimes but he is just deaf to what I have to say. This isn't at all home I wanted the order of my life to go in and I don't know what to tell him or what to say. He is ready to go house shopping with me again, but I would like our baby to be born to a married couple.What should I do?!?!?
Let me add that we are both really excited to be parents and I in no way want to get rid of this baby. I'm 26 and I'm ready for one.
2006-11-28 06:46:24 · update #1
you still have 6 months till baby is here...hang in there...dont push him or he will feel trapped, just let it go - bring it up again after a few months....things change, belly gets bigger and he may feel more obligated to do the right thing, but make sure the "right" thing is the best thing for everyone including your new addition....and congrats on the new baby....nothing like being a mother....
2006-11-28 06:38:46 · answer #1 · answered by beachnut222000 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Life has no order, things happen for a reason. You need to take it slow. If you get a house to buy right now, it will cause alot of stress now and down the road. You just need to focus on being a great mom and providing for your child. You are pregnant, and want to get married, and buy a house, that is alot to do in a short period. Ask him what his plans on marriage are, before you have the baby. Put off the house hunting and rent a bigger place, unless you have one already. Don't stress yourself, or him at this time. I had one baby before I was married, got pregnant w/baby #2 and got married at 5 months preg. 3 1/2 yrs. ago, and then just last year started buying our own home. That is how so much people screw-up, by getting in a hurry to have "the life". Good luck and congrats! :)
2006-11-28 14:45:51 · answer #2 · answered by metallicachic82 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My advice is to have the baby with or without the marriage if things are well with you as a couple, you guys have a bigger investment to be concerned about now then buying a home or getting married. Do not be concerned with the families and what they will say. If you were planning to marry the baby might speed things up or it can go the other way and it may not...still that does not change the fact that you will be a parent soon. Don't get ahead of yourself, deal with the marriage later...the baby will love you guys either way. Dont push him into marriage if he is not ready because if he is going to leave he will leave with or without the baby, and with or without the marriage
2006-11-28 15:02:28 · answer #3 · answered by jayjay 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is not ready, pressuring or forcing him into a marriage could cause great resentment and divorce. You already have played house so now are the consequences. No law says you have to be married to have a baby. If there is doubt about marriage for either of you then getting married would be a huge and potentially costly mistake. Divorce is messy and expensive then throw a baby in the mix. Why would you do that? Take you time, talk, talk and talk about your future plans (not nag) if it is meant to be you can get married after the baby even. I certainly wouldnt rush into marrying him because you are pregnant.
2006-11-28 14:36:42 · answer #4 · answered by his temptress 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Set a wedding date and tell him to be there or you will raise your baby alone. You do not have to be with a man to be a good parent. Sometimes it is easier when there isn't a second parent because you don't have to worry about him allowing your child to do something that you don't approve of or letting him/her get away with something you object to. There is no arguing over a child and how to raise him/her, if there is no-one to argue with. If the man doesn't want to marry you than you are better off without him and if he does love you than he will be there. I don't want to sound old fashioned or like a mother, although I am, but when a man gets everything he wants from a woman without having to say I do, than he probably won't. He has to come to a realization that you are free to make decisions too and if he doesn't shape up than you will make the decision to live your life without him. No woman should ever NEED a man and when he realizes that you don't NEED him, he might realize that you WANTING him around is the better deal. I tell my husband quite frequently that I don't need him--I am quite capable of living a life without him, but on the other hand, I love him and therefore I want him around. In other words, he's in my life because I want him there and enjoy him being here not because I can't make it on my own and I need his money or I need him to play daddy to me, I already had a daddy who raised me and he raised me NEVER to NEED anyone but GOD. Good Luck and don't worry life is full of ups and downs and for all the downs there is always ups.
2006-11-28 14:47:09 · answer #5 · answered by triplete1958 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you might start by asking him if he intends to have a role in his child's life. If so, ask him how will he explain to his child that he allowed his baby to be illegitimate rather than do the right thing by marrying the baby's mother? If he wants to share his life with you and his child, he needs to grow up and take responsibility.
Oh...I hope he is not still reaping the privileges of a husband when he is not prepared to marry you. The old saying about not buying the cow when the milk is free still applies. If you do not know what that means, ask your parents. They might be your best source for good advice.
2006-11-28 14:40:56 · answer #6 · answered by Suzianne 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you are pregnant and give him the opportunity to do whats right. Sometimes it takes men a little push for them to get going. They tend to be a little hesitant about taking that last step into adulthood. If he loves you I'm sure he will want to provide a loving home for the child that you both created. If things don't work out, well then you can raise your baby and love it enough for both of you.
2006-11-28 14:39:14 · answer #7 · answered by LofanNui 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are both happy about the coming baby, then what is your problem??? A piece of paper doesn't make you better parents. Further, married or not he will still be financially responsible for that child, and that child will be able to inherit his property should he suddenly die. Yeah, I agree, wouldn't marriage be lovely.--- it announces to the world a message of joy, committment, love. It says to the community we are a unit....... Too bad he doesn't see it that way, but is it a deal-breaker???
2006-11-28 14:52:57 · answer #8 · answered by April 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have your baby and be a good mother to it! It doesn't matter what order you do things in. If it is really important to you to be married before you give birth, tell your fiance. Make him listen to you! You shouldn't marry him if he isn't listening to what you have to say...
2006-11-28 14:38:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
if you give him an ultimatum, he may call your bluff and leave and you will be raising your child alone. tell him how you feel about haivng a baby out of wedlock. maybe the thought of being a father scares him and the longer he puts off marrying you, the easier he feels about it.
2006-11-28 14:33:46 · answer #10 · answered by harleychic 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋