Stay at home moms/vs Careers & motherhood?

Question

http://www.prospect.org/web/page.ww?section=root&name=ViewWeb&articleId=10659

Linda Hirshman argues: “Choice feminism” claims that staying home with the kids is just one more feminist option. Funny that most men rarely make the same “choice.” Exactly what kind of choice is that?

The article continues on to support this and say that essentially women should be active in the work place, take their education seriously and USE it as opposed to going off and getting married/having kids and staying home.

A lot of people feel this is judgemental. Yes, I can see why, but here is my thing: Feminism is about achieving equality, yes? and one of the places we need it is in the workplace.

If women are staying home according to traditional roles, then what hope do women, especially as wives/mothers, have in finding equality in the workplace?

Answer 1

I'm staying at home because I believe that I am the best person to raise my children. It has NOTHING to do with traditional roles/equality. I also work from home in my chosen career, as well as run my own business. I know many women who do similar. I also know several men who have made the same choice. That is choice AND equality. By making generalizations and assumptions about who is at home and what they are doing without knowing the details, you are misguided and doing a disservice this 'equality'. I personaly have no love for feminists for this reason. They are not helping women as a whole, just perpetuating the myths, and using it as a crutch/excuse to feel that they have a right to be *given* equality, rather than earning it.

Answer 2

I think there are subtle differences between 'choosing' to stay at home and look after a family and being 'pre conditioned' to want to do that.

Of course that has to be an option, it's not equality if there is no choice and puts pressure on women to 'have it all' or you're not a real feminist.

I think feminisnm is misunderstood and misinterpreted enough without adding in those extra complications and misconceptions. But I also agree with the concept of 'equality' in the home and family. Why should it automatically become the woman's role to stay at home and look after th kids? Why can't fathers do it? or more to the point why don't they 'want' to?

I am a stay at home mum, not through choice, through necessity and I hate it when people start spouting "you women wanted it all so don't start complaining you can't have it all" Well of course we can't have it all, we can't physically do it all even though many women try hard enough.

I don't see that as freedom, I see that as social and economical slavery. Women have changed there attitudes to work and family so much over the last few decades, yet men's attitudes (and employers in general) have not, at least not at the same rate. we CAN have it all, just have to work three times as hard to get it and many women are finding it an imposibility. Rightly, the men (and many women too) are saying "see we told you so" now get back to the child carer role, your kids are suffering.

And yes, they are, because for it to work we ALL need to change attitudes. If men took half the burden of child care into account and employers saw this as the 'norm' there would be no male/female divide in the workplace or in the social family unit and none of us would be pre conditioned into that role. It would be a choice, for both mothers AND fathers, OR both to share equally that responsibility.

As it stands at the moment I feel like women are being blamed for social inadequacies because they work while having a young family. we have been given a choice, but can't exercise that choice without compramising on something. So we are left feeling guilty for not being able to devote all out time to the kids or be as successful as we know we can be at work. Yet all it will take is for men to share responsibility, after all i'm sure kids would benefit from more input from their fathers? How can they not?

Answer 3

I work 2 jobs, in grad school and have a 19 month old daughter. I can tell you, if I didn't work, my husband and I would never make it financially. She is a happy, healthy little girl that is full of life, she can do baby signs and has the verbal development of a 2 1/2 year old. She loves the school I have her in and she doesn't seem to mind that I sometimes work late.

I would never have a feminist mind set about anything. I feel the way I do about things because I am me! If I had the option to stay home with her, then I would, but not because I'm trying to gain some kind of feminist stand, its because she is my life! As for equality in the workplace, we are far behind, but respected. I sometimes myself wonder if it will ever be the same!?

Answer 4

People could debate this until the cows come home.In some cases staying home with your children is a choice,only because their husbands are able to earn enough money to support their family,but there are women out there who would love to stay home with their children,but financially they can't do that.I myself stayed home to look after my children for 8 years.I went to night college,got qualified,didn't work straight away,as I had my third child,now I work 2 days a week (around 6 to 8 hours), while my children are at school,and if they are sick,my husband stays home,as I am a counsellor,(as I feel that you just can't cancel a clients appointment)but again that is a choice that I have as my husband is a self employed builder.

Answer 5

I think that the CHOICE to stay home and raise our children is about much more than ourselves. I think that being the person that spends the most time with your children is crucial to their psychological development.
Look at the generation whose mothers worked full time. Their children were raised in daycares by underpaid workers. While most daycare workers do care tremendously about the children, they are not raising them as if they were their own. And would you want them to? Who says that someone else's morals, ethics and values are the ones you want to instill (sp) in your children?
Look at the one on one time a stay at home mother can give to her children. Can anyone else do that for them? And how can you do that if you're at work all day and come home and cook dinner, go to the grocery store, do laundry, pay bills, etc...??
It's too much to put on any woman. The working mothers I know feel guilty and stressed. They say they have to sacrifice something all the time, be it time w/ their children, home cooked meals, housework or the relationship with their husband. It's not healthy to have that much on your plate.
And besides, you have an enormous amount of time to work outside the home when you're kids go to school or you decide it's the right time. Kids grow up so fast, especially in this day and time. Enjoy every second possible with them while you can because one day, you'll long for that mommy & me time.
My intentions are not to offend anyone, and if I did, I apologize.


I completely understand and am sympathetic to women who would rather stay at home, but due to financial difficulties have to work. The point of view I expressed above was pretty black/white as far as financial situations. If it weren't for my husband's salary or if he lost his job or got hurt, I would have to work. And in doing so, I would be taking care of my family on a whole new level. I just think that those who are fortunate enough to be able to choose to stay home with our children should. And if you don't, so be it. I'm sure you are still a wonderful mother and wife.

Answer 6

To me, feminism is doing whatever you want or need to do without being concerned about how anyone else will percieve you. If this means strapping on a tutu and dancing in a ballet, so be it. If it means changing oil on a car, great. I believe that people can have a close minded idea of what a feminist has to be. You have to wear the pants, et cetera.

I plan on taking a hiatus from work after my child is born in April. I do plan on furthering my education during that time. I also intend to go back to work when my child is about three and begins nursery school.

Answer 7

Because society assumes that. SAHMs are not rewarded by society in any way and are often penalized when it comes to the work force. The skills you learn as a SAHM translate to lost time on a job resume. You don't get credit toward SS as a SAHM, it's under-appreciated. That said, you understand that you have all the responsibility of a SAHM and none of the benefit. Everyone needs to settle down. We're all doing the best we can with the lot we have.

Answer 8

My husband stayed home with our children and I worked full-time. He is a much more patient person than I am and I made more money than he did - it made sense and we both enjoyed the experience. He had a part-time job once the kids were older so he got to talk to grown-ups (besides me). Now the kids are teens or pre-teens, I was steadily promoted in my career, and he is in school and working full-time and neither of us regret a minute of our decision. We now have two neighbors that have "house-husbands," and one of my co-worker's husband stays home with their baby.

Women are very empowered when they align themselves with men who are not self-centered and think of the big-picture for their family and potentially their own careers as well. With telecommuting opportunities available today it is possible for either gender to manage a career from home.

Answer 9

Most mom's stay at home by choice. Staying at home seeing your children grow up is a joy in life. And its also hard to find someone you can trust to look after your kids.

Answer 10

I think it depends on the woman. Personally, I would rather stay home and take care of a family. Some because I would rather raise my kids that have someone else raise them. Plus not every woman on the planet cares about finding equality. My opinion... I really could care less about finding equality in the workplace. I want to do my job, by myself, and go home. Then again, just my opinion.