2006-11-28 06:29:09 · 25 answers · asked by jane22 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You gotta try to get along for the kids sake!
2006-11-28 06:32:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You decide what is important to fight about and what isn't.
You two probably have different views and if you both are rational people, they are probably just different, not right or wrong.
For example, if you think 8:30 is a good bed-time and he thinks 9:00 is, it's no big deal and not worth getting into a power struggle about.
If he thinks 50/50 parenting time is good, then he just may have some very valid reasons for wanting more parenting time than you are willing to give if that is a bone of contention.
The thing is that you have to realize that he probably sees things very differently than you do. That doesn't make him wrong, just different.
So acknowledge his point of view, tell him while you may not agree, you can see or are willing to try to see where he is coming from.
In a power struggle, everyone loses. If you try to find areas where you both agree, you can give and take in other areas.
Most of the time, people don't get along because they are unwilling or unable to conceed that the other person has a valid point of view, even if it's different.
You may need to set the example and demonstrate that you can and are willing to see his point of view, and would like the same courtesy in return.
2006-11-28 07:04:09 · answer #2 · answered by camys_daddy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do your best to keep the kids away from the action. Even if it means putting aside your pride sometimes. If you can do that, you will be a hero. It's not easy and you won't always get recognized for doing the right thing.
If he's not too impossible to deal with, you may want to look into counseling, not with the goal of getting back together but simply to raise the kids in the most harmonious way possible. A counselor can serve as a sort of mediator to help reach decisions on any questions regarding the children.
Good luck.
2006-11-28 06:35:49 · answer #3 · answered by monkeyandmolly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bring up a point to him. Your kids did not choose to be in this situation. You two are the adults and you need to act like it. Your children need to have two stable parents right now, even if you don't like each other. Agree to be kosher with each other around the kids FOR the kids. Just because you two don't love each other anymore doesn't mean that your kids don't love their mother and father. You need to realize that they are still the most important thing in both your and your ex's lives. Treat each other with respect so that your kids learn the same thing and don't feel that they must treat the other parent badly because you two can't get along.
2006-11-28 06:32:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Me and my ex cannot stand each other, we have found it helpful to remain civil towards each other around the kids. A casual hi how are you. When it comes to having to discuss the kids I get right to the point...try to keep it short and painless. When he has them we agree what goes on there stays there and the same for my house. The children are free to tell us about their time with the other but we never drill them. When it comes to pick up/ drop off I give the kids a kiss and say i love you. I don't talk to him unless there has been a change in schedule . You don't have to like each other but you do have to be civil around the kids. Try not to bad mouth him either. The kids hear what they are not supposed to! Good luck.
2006-11-28 06:36:03 · answer #5 · answered by lilmsmooody 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DO NOT FIGHT IN FRONT OF THE KIDS!!! Keep picking up and returning the children as painless as possible. Stick to a regular schedule (usually set up by the courts). My ex did not enter my property, he waited in his car and I walked the children out. The same when he dropped them off. I know some people cannot even manage that and have a relative handle the transfer of the children. Some people meet in a public place to do the same. He is your ex, you do not have to like him and he does not have to like you, but for the sake of your children you both do have to at least ACT like you have some kind of decency toward one another.
2006-11-28 06:40:25 · answer #6 · answered by kandekizzez 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not stop the kids from seeing him. Get a third party where the kids can be dropped off and picked up by each of you. Denying him to see the kids will wear and tear on you in the long run. Make sure your third party is someone that you both are in agreeance with.
Good Luck
2006-11-28 06:41:56 · answer #7 · answered by sexceeladie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My parents split up and went through the same thing. I suggest you go to couseling. There's nothing worse then feeling like all you are to your parents is revenge or the spy or even worse, the burden. Which is exactly how your children will feel if you let the conflict with your ex-spouse to get in the way of your childrens emotional growth.
2006-11-28 06:38:59 · answer #8 · answered by Addicted to Crayola Paste 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just try to limit the communication between the two of you to conversations regarding the children only and be sure not to say anything bad about your ex in front of your children. Let them form thier own opinions about your ex. Split relationships are hard on children and you need to make it as painless as possible for them. Dont put them in the middle for your fueds.
2006-11-28 06:32:28 · answer #9 · answered by Allinwiththenuts 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to put your differences aside, and focus on the kids. If you two are divorced, then why still fight? There really is no point. The only conversations you and him should be having, are about the children...not the playing the blame game. Good luck! :)
2006-11-28 06:34:18 · answer #10 · answered by metallicachic82 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋