Help?! 8 yrs and no sex?

Question

My wife and I have been married for eight years. and We have NEVER had intercourse. She was a virgin when we got married in almost everyway. I was willing to wait for her because I loved her. On our wedding night she had her period so we just went to sleep.

She is DEATHLY afraid of getting pregnant so se refuses to have intercourse. She is not into oral and is unwilling to use her hands. All she is willing to do, is the old dry hump thing that teenagers do (close on).

Our marrige is the hsits I have developed a real bad temper and now she is also quite reluctant to have sex because of the way I treat and talk to her which I admit is not always pleasent I am at my wits end what should I do?

She says that she is normal and will not seek counselling on sexual matters

should I leave her is the lack of sex a good reason to divorce another

Answer 1

This sounds fishy but anyway...

First off you must have had some idea that she felt this strong about sex before you got married. If not, shame on her. Sex is a big part of a relationship and to use an excuse of not wanting to get pregnant is just that an excuse. There are some many things on the market to ensure she doesn't get pregnant, along with you using a condom that it is ridiculous to even assume this is true.

Again, if true, sounds like there is a bigger issue there. Maybe molested, raped or something in her past. Anyways counseling would definitely be in order. And by the way if true, you are a big man for dealing with no sex for 8 yrs.

Answer 2

A divorce isn't necessary: you could get an annulment. Basically, the difference between a divorce and an annulment is if you get an annulment, you were never married in the first place. Tell her you're going to seek that, tell her what it means, and maybe that will kick her into gear. Refusing to have sex is a valid reason for an annulment in every state and religion I've ever heard of. When she hears that, maybe it will make her rethink her position on the matter. But at least if she doesn't you don't have to list your marital status as "divorced" on applications and such which can have a stigma associated with it. Also, in some states if you get a divorce you will have to pay alimony, but if you were never married (it was annulled) that's not an issue.

Answer 3

Wow...I can't believe you've waited 8 years for sex. If she's unwilling to any type of comprise and she refuses to see a counselor/therapist, then I can't imagine you would want to stay in a marriage like that. I think it's time for you to have a serious talk with her and give her an ultimatum. There are many ways of having sex without getting pregnant. Maybe sit down and discuss all the options she has. She might also have a very serious sex phobia. If that's the case, she needs to see a doctor ASAP. Good luck!

Answer 4

Not wanting to get pregnant is no excuse. There are contraceptives out there as well as more permanent methods if need be to prevent that. I think you need to convince her that you both need counseling because you both need to put your issues on the table with someone impartial to mediate. That’s if you want to give your marriage one last try.

However, if you don’t think you can take it anymore (it’s been eight years so I don’t think anyone could blame you if you couldn’t). Get an annulment. Refusal to consummate the marriage is a big problem and is grounds (in most states) for an annulment. Since you don’t have children the only real issue would be dividing your assets and debts.

Good luck with whatever you decide. :)

Answer 5

I think if I were you... or even in your shoes.. I'd sit down & talk with her & simply tell her that there are things you both can do without having actual intercourse & still have fun. If she is not willing to do any of those things, then you have 2 choices, either put up with it & take care of it yourself... or divorce. I wouldn't stay with someone who wasn't willing to compromise in any way shape or form because that's not part of a relationship. A relationship is between 2 people, not just one making all the decisions.

Answer 6

Dump the *****. You absolutely have grounds for a divorce. Heck, you should sue her for fraud.

Go find a divorce attorney and a therapist. You need to get counseling for yourself. The fact that you've waited 8 years, and that your temper is not under control, means you have your own personal issues to address. If you don't, you'll be no good for your next wife. It's not your fault, but it's time to start taking care of yourself.

Answer 7

if you have never had any type of sexual relationship you could possibly get it annulled,, sine the marriage was never consummated. if they say no you could get the divorce under irreconcilable differences. but this is a big step you must make sure this is what you would want to do.this is what it sounds like to me, that maybe she is hiding a secret such as being molested as a child, or raped at one time in her life, and is know scared of sex, as you have tried to get her to go to counseling i am not sure what to advise as far as that, the only thing i can tell you is to think what you really want to do and come up with the best solution that will help you.

Answer 8

If you've been married this long with no sex, then I can see why your stressed. Seems it could be called irreconsolable sp? diffrences. I'd say get a divorce, sounds mean, but apparently theres no physical attraction on her part. No matter what people say, you have to have the sex part in a marrage for it to work. There is no reason to suffer.

Answer 9

Wow, you are a saint. I haven't had sex in 6 months & I am going crazy. But I'll wait untill I'm ready (when I get over my ex)

I dont want to be mean, but something is wrong after 8 years of marriage. I hate to ask you this, but have you ever seen her naked? I've heard stories of people being in relationships & after long periods of time, they discover their partners were actually the same sex as them..... I hope this isn't your spouses issue, or you would definately fall into the annulment category.

Good luck. Find someone that wants you as much as you want them.

Answer 10

You should have left a long time ago, but since your still there, you have to ask yourself how much longer you can go living like this. How was your sex life (not with your virgin) before you got married?? Not to be mean, and yes you obviously love her to still be with her, but 8 years is way too long for anyone. I am going to get flak for this, but do you live anywhere near Nevada???? Good luck dude, and hand in there, I mean hang in there. As for grounds for divorce, I know in many countries that is top of the list, but look into it. Good Luck.........................