I have been married 3 years, together for 5. A year into our marriage, he developed chronic migraines, that left him completely unable to be my partner in any sense of the word. I understood and was doting and worried for a good year and a half, while he was depressed and on a slew of medications that kept him a zombie. His migraines improved a bit, but he still was not around to be my husband. I needed him, and told him, but he remained self centered in every way. His headaches became "convenient" it appeared, popping up during fights, giving him a constant get out of jail free card. He's turned into such a negative human being, getting no joy out of life, and he can't understand why this brings me down. I hit the end of my rope a few months ago, went to therapy, told him i was considering leaving. Then all of a sudden he started being nice. I feel like it's too little too late, but he says he can't live without me. Am i being selfish? I am tired of enduring. sigh.
2006-11-28 05:52:55 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Has he tried Imitrix (sp)? Is he under the care of a doc?
Marriage is a lot of things -- admiration respect, admiration, passion, trust, and somewhere in there an 80% from each person toward your relationship. You need to figure out why HE wants to stay married. Are you the breadwinner? Are YOU the convenient thing to have around? If he can answer yes to these, and this is all, then, hon, you have a roommate.
If you have none of the above for him, but you wish to save your marriage, then both of you ought to have a few sessions of counseling.
If you no longer see a future in this relationship, then admit that you are best off by yourself, leave, file, and start to heal. Things wear out, get old, us, cars, tires, teeth, as well as marriages...some wear out sooner than others.... But each should get some warm fuzzies out of marriage, and you can define warm fuzzies in all sorts of ways. If nothing is there for you, then you must ask, "why SHOULD I stay?"...Duty ain't really enough, especially since this is not a 30 year marriage......
2006-11-28 06:23:45 · answer #1 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to get a temporary separation. Hey it worked wonders for my marriage which had hit rock bottom. But after separation we came back with more understanding and patience towards each other.
Dont let him play this migraine card. it will give him a free rein if u keep taking it.relax for some time have a makeover take up a new job or hobby do something relaxing as u have been thru lot.He will realize your value and come back committed to the relationship and love for u and your sacrifices.best of luck.
2006-11-28 06:50:19 · answer #2 · answered by di 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man, that's a tough one. Maybe you should give him one more chance but make him work for it. He can't be nice for a week and then go back to being miserable. Unfortunately, the medications and its effects are a part of the equation neither of you have control over. I believe in the sanctity of marriage but if you are tied to an anchor, you're gonna drown. If he can't (or doesn't want to) be saved, save yourself.
2006-11-28 06:01:40 · answer #3 · answered by mr_slacker70 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
marriage is for better or worse. it is a commitment that people take too lightly. communication, trust, and laughter are essential in a relationship. HARD WORK is also essential. marriage is not just about fun and games, it is real life.
maybe you both need to reevaluate, but don't choose divorce as the first option.
do what ever it is you have to do, and good luck!!!!
2006-11-28 06:13:24 · answer #4 · answered by nwnativeprincess 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In order for the two of you to stay together, he needs to get over it and deal with the pain. Thousands get migraines and thousands function like normal people eveyday. I think his excuse is getting old and possibly think of other types of therapy for them.
2006-11-28 05:59:40 · answer #5 · answered by Simply Lovely 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave, meet me at the Stardust Motel off I-10 at 11 pm tonight and I will make all your dreams come true.
2006-11-28 05:56:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe all it took for him to snap out of his funk was you putting your foot down. it sounds like maybe he was acting that way because he thought he could get away with it. he WAS getting away with it.
ultimately, the decision is up to you. if you're tired of his BS then you should leave. if you decide to stay though (which i kinda think you should) make sure he knows that the second he starts trying to run that game again, you're gone.
2006-11-28 06:02:33 · answer #7 · answered by Jenn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's 2 questions...do you love him? Can you see spending the rest of your life with him?
Write these 2 questions down on a piece of paper with 2 columns- "Pros" and "Cons". If there are more cons then pros- abandon ship! If there are more pros then cons...talk to him about counseling
2006-11-28 06:46:43 · answer #8 · answered by preciouspinkla 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you think he is worth one more try then have a go at it. If you are beyond frustration, then leave and don't look back. It's all up to you. Good luck.
2006-11-28 06:10:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know its hard but give him another chance. remember for better for worse? Stick it out a little longer and if no chane than pack your stuff and leave. Good luck girl.
2006-11-28 05:58:21 · answer #10 · answered by cutiepie21106 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋