what should I do?

Question

Leaving him is out of the question, I love him. I just don't understand how he can be so mean, he hurts my feelings,he said it's because he is trying to motavate me. He calls me lots of names, he calls me lazy,and tells me I need to change my life style.
I understand why he tells me this things,i stoped working4 months ago and became a house wife for a little bit, because I came down with depression, i went to the doctor for lots of test she put me on prozac,for depession and seroquil and aprazolam for sleep. she also putme on medicine for hyperthyroid, and other ones too.
before I got sick I was only one working, he stayed home everyday sleeping and playing ames all night. I never put him down he was out of work for 3years. i took care of him,BUt now since i am sick he is forced to work,and he comes home evey day to aclean house and supper on the table,i takes of the kids too, and he calls me lazy. I just cry, whatshould I do, I know he isjust trying to help. But it hurts still

Answer 1

Well, if leaving him is "out of the question", I guess you will have to stay and accept him as he is, then. I don't know why anyone would want to be with such a loser and an a**hole - and don't tell me because you "love him", this is a poor and a desperate excuse for tolerating this kind of treatment. YOU are a problem here; you have to snap out of the loser/victim mentality, and see him for what he is. He doesn't have respect for you because you don't have respect for yourself. Hopefully, the medication will help. Keep at it! Good luck.

Answer 2

if your sure you wan tot stay you either explain to him he is hurting your feelings or suck it up and get a harder shell. I personally wouldn't listen to it. That is not how you love someone in my book. Would you ever love him that way? You are a better person than that and noone should think they have to listen to that. Love is not selfish, love is not vain - from th bible honey... You have to decide if he really loves you or what his deal is. Was he nice when he wasn't working? Hell probabally I'd be nice too if I could play all night and sleep all day. You ruined his parade honey. At least you know now the insickness and in health part. There are men out there who don't act like that believe me!!!

Answer 3

be calm and kind and serious and ask him if he remembers what it was like when he stayed home. Who did the cleaning then did he?? IF so then he should already know what you do and be appreciative of it. If not write down everything that you have done in one day and show it to him. Tell him you are not being lazy, but do need some time to find yourself and figure out what you are doing and not doing that you want to do in your life.

Answer 4

Actually he is not trying to help. And it isn't helping is it? You have depression. He is not being understanding. You need to make it clear that you will not tolerate his unkind remarks. You need to tell him that you are doing the best you can. He may well try to send you on guilt trips because now the pressure is on him to earn.

Bring these things up when things are calm between you. Tell him you need to talk to him. Be straight. Make no apologies as you should not have to apologies for feeling unwell.

He needs to know exactly how you feel and what you will tolerate if any progress is to be made.

Good luck

Answer 5

This doesn't sound good, my love. Your depression will not pass if he continues to abuse you. I went through a very similar experience, and sought counseling and took medication for years. You are not lazy; he really needs to get some help, too, and to recognize your problems as legitimate. He sounds mean. You have every right to get your feelings hurt. Are you seeing a counselor or a psychologist? If not, you should, it will help a lot (I call it mental floss). See if you can get him to go, too, but expect resistance and probably refusal.

Answer 6

Okay how is degrading you helping you? He stayed home for three years and slept. Where were the children? You can help motivate someone with kind words and support, not degrading them. Do you understand emotional abuse is degrading someone mentally. Calling a person names. Being a house wife and mother is one of the most challenging and rewarding jobs there is. Sounds to me like you interupted his laziness and now he has to stand up and be a man. You need to gain a backbone and tell him to knock it off. If he has ever physically hurt you, please get some support from a counselor, police anybody you can. you may feel you love him and maybe you do, but do you care anything about yourself. I am not telling you this out of my hat. I too was in a relationship that I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. He degraded me, cheated on me, physically and emotionally abused me. It took him threatening to kill me in front of my daughter to get me out for good. I was three months pregnant with my second child. I went for counseling and gained that backbone to find out I was not a bad person. I just had to learn that I was a good person and like myself. Please find the strength to like yourself enough to get some help and end the endless stream of tears and pain. Do it for your children.

13 years of freedom and much happier.

Answer 7

Hey u dont need drugs to come out of this phase. You need to get out of the house and do things you like.Try to have a temporary separation. If u stay near people who demotivate u no amount of drugs can make u come out of depression. U will lose your self confidence in turn too. Get out of the house and do something u want. Hang out with friends get a makeover and change your wardrobe.Do something which will liven your mood. try it. best of luck.

Answer 8

One day stand up to him, and tell him, do not ever tell me that again, because I have worked all day, the house did not clean it's self, and the food did not cook it's self. and if you keep complaining, them I am going to stop doing it, then lets see what I do! Now you need to work on you, this you have to do for yourself. Go to the library and get books on self esteem. Work on trying to improve you, within, only you can do that! Be nice to you. He is not helping you, by bringing you down, and you tell him, that what he says to you, hurts, ask him how would he like for someone to keep hurting his feelings. Let him know how you feel. He need to learn to respect you!

Answer 9

He sounds like an addict. Please read up on codependency

Characteristics of Codependent People
We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves. This in turn enabled us not to look too closely at our faults.
We "stuff" our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts too much.
We are isolated from and afraid of people and authority figures.
We have become approval seekers and have lost our identity in the process.
We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism.
We live from the viewpoint of victims and are attacked by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships.
We judge ourselves harshly and have a low sense of self esteem.
We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment. We will do anything to hold onto a relationship in order to not experience painful abandonment feelings which we received from living with people who were never there emotionally for us.
We experience guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others.
We confuse love and pity and tend to "love" people we can pity and rescue.
We have either become chemically dependent, married one or both, or found another compulsive personality, such a workaholic to fulfill our own compulsive needs.
We have become addicted to excitement.
We are reactors in life rather than actors.

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If you can relate to the list then I strongly reccommend you read the book "Codependent No More" by Melodie Beattie. It will CHANGE YOUR LIFE

Answer 10

You both are heading a very, very dangerous route. First, you both decide, if you want to stay together. If yes, NO fighting. Just don't do it. Then get a sitter, go on a date. Talk about good times you had before. And follow this way.