How do I help my son come out to his father?

Question

My son is gay, and he told me this a couple of years ago but didn't want me to tell his father yet. But, I really think his father needs to know now, and he agrees. To be quite honest, I'm surprised he hasn't figured it out already. My son is 15, and he is pretty much what you would expect from a homosexual boy nowadays. He is real skinny, wears makeup, is into the latest fashions, etc. My husband yells at him sometimes, telling him to "stop being such a pansy" or something along those lines, but doesn't think he's gay. He is /very/ homophobic, and I'm almost scared for my son. How do I help him come out to his fahter?

tweakk: Thank you for your anwser. ^_^ I might encourage him to wait until he's older, but if he wants to come out now, I won't stop him.

Also, I realize that he's a homosexual male, and not a woman, but if he likes wearing clothing made for girl's and makeup, I'm not going to stop him. If thats who he is, so be it. And its not like he's running around in mini skirts and tube tops. Its usually a pair of girl's jeans (which, I have been told just about every young male wears nwadays), and a cute, printed shirt from Forever 21, or somewhere like that.

arthur s: I did not say that just because he wears makeup and women's clothing that he is gay. He told me a couple of years ago that he is gay.

Answer 1

You should visit this website:

http://www.pflag.org/

You should find a chapter near you, you should join and go to a meeting, and you should ask the other parents how they've handled your dilemma and what their experiences were.

In the meantime, have you ever spoken out against your husband's homophobic remarks? If so, how has he reacted? If not, now is the time to start doing so and begin "testing the waters." You and he should have a dialogue about gay people, and hypothetically gay children, and maybe that will give you some sense of how deep his homophobia really is; i.e., is he a "No son of mine better be gay!" kind of dad, or an "I would love him anyway, no matter what," kind of dad?

Some parents are homophobic because of their dogmatic religious beliefs, which are notoriously difficult to change. Others are afraid their children are gay because they think it would mean they did something wrong as a parent. Your husband may know on some level that your son is gay, but has been refusing to acknowledge it because it would damage his own feelings of adequacy as a father and as a man. Hopefully he could get over it with some accurate information, or perhaps family counseling.

But if your husband would do violence to your son just for being gay, why are you even with him? Why consent to live with a bully?

Anyway, here's an excellent book for parents with gay kids:

http://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Acceptance-Parents-Lesbians-Experiences/dp/0312167814

I hope you get some helpful advice on this one. Best of luck!

Answer 2

wearing makeup and girls clothes does not a gay one make, and at 15 he really has no idea what he wants, there are plenty of 40 year old males that do this and are not gay, the question is will he later have sex with just men, thats hard to say at this age i have known 30 year old gay men that went straight, so i would say wait until he is 18,, having sex at 15 is illegal and you dont want to go down that road,

Answer 3

So if u study that verse, & i assume that u additionally study the various umpteen different passages the place Jesus suggested over and over that he's not any longer God, why on earth do u say that the Son is the daddy, & that Jesus is God? it particularly is humorous that human beings study issues & then ask inquiries to the alternative. Can practice me one place in the Bible the place it says that God & Jesus is a similar? And please do no longer talk concerning the Trinity because of the fact don't say that God & Jesus is a similar.

Answer 4

You might want to contact your local chapter of PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) they are very good with advice on these matters and great helping people. My in-laws (I'm gay married Canadian) were deeply involved with this and helped many families stay together...Just try them...you have nothing to lose.

Answer 5

boo im so sorry to hear that. Unfortunatley, at that age, all dad wants is his son on the football team and getting laid. Im surprised he knew his identity at 15. i suggest let him wait. and not to spare your childs individuality, dont let him wear womens close. hes a homosexual male, not a woman. Let him wait till hes 18, if it can wait that long. i know his father needs to know, but your son is 15. he has alot more growing to do mentally and physically. you never know if he tones down., grows out of it, etc. good luck and tell your son to stay strong

Answer 6

Your husband might already have a feeling and already knows. Just pray and be strong. Don't let him know that you have known for a couple years that might make him explode more. be supportive.

Answer 7

I would say hold off for now. I would spill the beans to Dad once your son starts hairdressing school.

Answer 8

You should tell your husband it's his fault. All those years of molesting your son have turned him into a flaming loop.

Answer 9

have a family meeting, and try to talk about it as a family.

Answer 10

be there and be suportive when he does, and maybe start prepping dad b4 he tells him