My wife and i have been together for the past 5 years 2.5 in college and 2.5 in the real world. Everything was great minus a couple of fights/breakups in college, we had a beautiful wedding and a great honeymoon. She is a nurse and i noticed some weird behavior, and found out that she had cheated on my with a 40 year old dr. I was devastated and did not want to stay together at first but then realized how much i love her. We decided to work on things which we hardly did, mostlty tried to buy happiness (new BMW). She insists that the relationship was a one time thing, it is hard to say for sure but i did check her phone bills and e-mails and found nothing. I have had alot of trouble letting it go though. I tried to but every so often i would shove it back in her face. Now i have moved out on her request, and she has told me that she hasnt been in love with me for 2years, but that she does love me. I know this is not true, but she doesnt want to get counseling. What do i do?
2006-11-28 05:40:02 · 11 answers · asked by Dan B 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am in a similar situation. I have been married 4 months and my husband cheated on me with kiddie porn. I do love him, but because of the legalities, moralities and my own emotional mess because of childhood abuse and seeing this kid on a video, I am no longer IN LOVE with him. In fact I just found out he posted a question about our situation. He put in truth, but not the part of WHY I am thinking of leaving. He let people assume I found someone else...NOT TRUE.
As far as you go, do like I will do. Get counseling. Or start hanging out with your friends, see your family...do anything but constantly think of y'all together. If you do that, it will take longer to heal. Our problem is we work together, so it will be harder. But you can't wallow in self pity for too long, or you will eat yourself up with it. I wish you luck. It won't be easy, but it can be done.
2006-11-28 05:58:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately trust is as just important as love in a relationship. You will probably never trust her again. And you shouldn't. This alone will hurt your future together. She says she's not in love with you, but she loves you is code for, You're not the one for me, but I'm afraid to let go. You two still have baggage and a split is not in your best efforts. Try working on a mutual breakup AKA sort your baggage. I would say that is pretty much over. Now you two need to separate from each other without hurt or lingering feelings. You should be able to be friends and not end up hating each other.
2006-11-28 13:54:32 · answer #2 · answered by corryglory 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ah - I feel for you, my friend, I truly do. I encourage you to do everything that you can think of to keep the relationship alive and loving...your wife, however, has to want it too. This "I love you but I'm not IN love with you" thing sounds like she doesn't feel the romance or feel the "heat"...sounds like the affair gave her a pretty good thrill and she feels like stepping out. The thing about you not giving up without a fight, however, means you will have done everything in your power to try to fix it, so if your marriage does fail, you will not have any regrets about not trying. Best wishes, Love.
2006-11-28 13:49:05 · answer #3 · answered by smecky809042003 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
shes telling you she loves you like a brother not as a husband and partner, her love has changed from what it was before. you where just a means to an end, and now she sees the possibility of a life where she has all the material things a Dr can provide, your no longer needed, so she is telling you in her own way, she no longer loves you. i don't think she ever really did, she was using you and going along with you, till she found something better
2006-11-28 13:48:56 · answer #4 · answered by redsyoungstud 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't force her to do anything. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do. I'm sure she does love you, but she may not be IN love with you. She sounds like she is young and is not ready to be married. When she should have been running around and dating guys, she was with you - in college. Now, she never really "sowed her oats" and she feels trapped in marriage. You would be better off letting her go and getting on with the healing process. You may be surprised that you may find someone not as selfish as she is that is totally in love with you and is a better "fit".
Good luck!
2006-11-28 13:47:28 · answer #5 · answered by Agent99 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow thats hard. Well my fiance and I just broke up I found out a few weeks ago he had cheated on me (his friend told me) and lied to me about our entire relationship. He did it in the beginning but it still hurt so bad hurt that he did it and that he lied. I would bring it up at worst times and talked about it a lot because I wanted to know everything. And its only been 3 weeks since I found out and he broke up with me telling me he couldn't deal with that right now (he is in tech school for USAF and supper stressed) I would suggest maybe that you guys start over I mean if you really love her believe that she is sorry and you believe you can get over it. I would suggest it to her maybe right now she needs space to not think about it. Thats what my well ex fiance told me he needed space to stop thinking about it. Give her space and just roll with it. If you believe she loves you give her some space.
2006-11-28 13:50:28 · answer #6 · answered by SunShineBabe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get that little divorce, how can not be in love with someone for 2 years and yet you say you still love them. I think your being used the Doctor want marry her because he is probably already happily married and your just someone around to keep her from getting lonely. She's just waiting till someone else comes along and then bye, bye, sucker.
2006-11-28 13:49:28 · answer #7 · answered by Nicki 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Once a cheater always a cheater
2006-11-28 13:43:24 · answer #8 · answered by Mike 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Cut her lose and move on with your life.
2006-11-28 13:48:42 · answer #9 · answered by acmeraven 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Divorce her..
She wants her Doctor...
2006-11-28 13:43:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋