My husband of 1 year and I decided to give our marriage another try since this past year alot of things?

Question

happened such as death of two loved ones, jealousy, self-esteem issues, laziness almost everything except infidelity and though to you what I named seems very little it indeed brought alot of deep pain between us. We've been together almost 6 years now and being married and living together for the 1st time has really changed us but now we're trying to give it another shot but things are so different between us and we both know somethings different but have no clue as to what it is. We're not as intimate as we use to be it's almost as if we're just roomates. My question is, is this normal after so much pain to feel this way? or not? and if so how do you deal with it? What are some tips of how to make things the way it use to be,

Answer 1

Start dating again, each other that is. You both learned life lessons together and have survived. Make the best out of it by talking about what you have learned while you are out dating.

Answer 2

There have been so many things that have happened that it has pulled you apart. You both have handled these things differently...it has made you see another side to the man you love and probably vice-versa. In short, you have both gone in opposite directions. The loss of 2 loved ones should have pulled you together, but it didnt. The jealousy thing, well, I dont know how that was caused, but jealousy in itself will tear a relationship apart very quickly regardless of who the jealous one is. I dont know if it is normal to feel this way because everyone handles things in different ways. You cannot live like this the rest of your lives and if you dont sort it out now then the end result will be divorce because everyone needs to be loved in that special way and if you only feel like room-mates then something is seriously wrong. Maybe things can never be the way they used to be because so many emotions have come between the two of you over the past year and you are now two different people. I dont know if there is an easy answer because there are a lot of issues that do not have an easy answer. I think there are certain things that can be achieved by other peoples experiences and advice, but in your case, it goes a lot deeper than trying to get the zest back into your relationship....because both of you feel there is something missing....both of you are feeling it...that means both of you have changed. I really believe if both of you want this marriage to work, then both of you need to go to a marriage guidance counsellor. They are experienced with things like that, they know what they are doing (well hopefully they will) and your problems are pretty complex, more complex than what you have explained in your question. There are a lot of issues that need to be solved, if in fact, they are solvable. The tips you will receive on here may help in the short term, but I honestly do think from what you say that too much has happened between the two of you to re-kindle any kind of real relationship unless you get a professional person involved. The very first thing both you and your husband need to do is sit down and admit there is a problem, then decide if the relationship is worth hanging onto. Thats the first thing....the next step is to make an appointment for both of you to go and see a marriage guidance counsellor. I honestly think that is your only chance to salvage your relationship.

I wish you the best.

Answer 3

It is normal what you are experiencing. It's called falling out of love. There have been too many things that have hurt in the past and there is no way to fix that. That is what the problem is. I know you really wanted this to work but there is no way you can move on from such a terrible beginning. I wish you all the best and hope you will realize that you two just were not meant to be together. Thank you and good luck.

Answer 4

You have been together a long time and it is worth trying to work things out. I would suggest you find a marriage/family therapist to work through your issues with, it can be invaluable. Some of the painful things in a relationship can't really be dealt with unless you have a knowledgeable third party to guide your conversations. It may seem like a difficult thing to do, or maybe too expensive, but it will be worth it in the end, so please give it a try.

Answer 5

No one's life is easy. No ones. Whatever happened to for better or for worse. Heres a clue: for most people in this world, life is mostly, "for worse" grow up. You two made a commitment. Stick with it. There will be death, money issues and all of lifes problems no matter WHO you are with!

Answer 6

I am so proud of both of you to get your marriage another try.and, so much trials of sufferings has happened to both of you. Find a way the rekindle that burning love of flames to reunited to each other, usually it is the woman choice and decision to make what her marriage going to be and you are going have to eat crow, forgive, look at him in postive thinking and healed together.
Don't nag at him, complain, or give him the guilt feeling, just tell him, how important he is to you, and that you are so glad that he has been with you during these toughest darkest days.
Be accountable on your own actions and don't play the blame game or point out his faults or the pass issues.
Let the pass issues just to be history in your life, and try not have a scoreboard who does more than who.
Love must be tough by James Dobson, has helped me and encouraged me to make my marriage a commitment and changed my thoughts and feelings about my husband.
Your high expectations that you have for your husband needs to be lower to almost to no expectations, The expectations is what caused many women to feel neglected and disappointment in our marriage with our husband.
Communication is the tough one, but give at least 20 min and be specific not crushing him spiritual, will help.
Meeting his sexual needs and for you to enjoy sex will make him more secured in his relationship with you, that his trust issues will start healing. We women have use sex a weapon against our husband, and not realizing, that we are destroying our relationships with our husbands, and not able to get our own needs met.
The Proper Feeding of a Husband by Dr. Laura Schlessinger
has alot of information what our happily married husband decide that they are not happy anymore, can help you to see where you are in the relationship, and where you need to be accountable of your own behaviors and actions.
Did you know that men really have feelings? Yes they do, and they are not wired to talked about their feelings and just end up usually hopeless, because we women just want give up or submissions to our husbands at all time, not just when they are right with God.
This is part of my own testimony and truth has been set free, now, I can say, even with all the trails, and the death of our own son, and having special needs children, My marriage is healthy, and my needs are being met, as well as he.
But remember, if he is quiet, and thinking, it is not all about us women on his mind.
Men are simple people of creatures, and one mind focus and we women, well our mind can be multitasking.
We can have sex, thinking how we are going to talk to our friends, shopping, and the meetings with the school, and still have our minds the function of pta, church and etc all at the same time. And that is not good for either one of us, because, men our husband are giving all of them to us, and we are not allowing our minds to be part of sexual pleasures to our husband.
do you understand multitasking part? I hope so.
Our husband must feel like the king in our home, so we can feel like queens in our home! Only our daughters are the princess and our son the prince in our home. So our husband can not spoil us and treat us like princess! King and Queens has to work together, and make an effort to be a team.
The pain you feel in normal, I still remember my pain, in my marriage, but I don't hold that against my husband.
Make sure that you get check out medically for depression, thyroid and chemical imbalance and hormonal imbalance as well alot of times, that is the culprit of keeping us happy and secure within ourselves and our relationships.
Number one thing you need to do, is to place God in the center of your life and your marriage. God restores marriages! God can do anything! Just ask and shall recieved in Jesus name!

Answer 7

as lame as it sounds couple theopy sesions would be helpful. i think it is normal after so much pain and change in life for people to act differently.

Answer 8

No, you have had an unusually bad run of luck...