My Teen Daughter 15 just got caught with Pot?

Question

She was not arrested because I caught her. She says it is no big deal I say it is. We agreed to let you all arbitrate. If I had my way she'd be upended and get paddled. She says there should be no punishment because it is just no big deal to smoke a little reefer and anyway I did it when I was a kid. (So I KNOW how bad it is folks).

So what is the appropriate punishment if any in this case? You decide.

Answer 1

I would say go with your instincts. But if you got a wife better she should do it so there is no question about anything. I think 25 swats on the bare butt from your wife and a month of extra chores is a good idea. And then another paddling at the end of the month so she does not forget.

Harsh it is but necessary because this is a crime.

Answer 2

Sixties person here: I also live in a country where it is considered not so bad and toying with legalizing (I guess you can figure out where).

It used to be no big deal. Everyone over 16 pretty much tried it but some went on to bigger and better highs....they are dead.
Some smoked a lot...and they ended up nowhere. Some smoke recreationally now and are healthy and happy.

Nowadays, the grow ops are like cell phone companies, push more product, add on extras and give you stuff you don't want.

Marijuana now is laced with chemicals and there are some pretty significant crime networks that 15-year olds just should not be involved with.

Yes, it is a big deal now. My fifteen-year old does not smoke but she will try it one day. That's inevitable. Like everything, it will happen at earlier and earlier ages unfortunately.

I would let her know that she is too young to make that decision. She should have something taken away that she values (MSN is always good) for a while. I'd recommend a workshop on assertiveness so that she knows how to say "no". That is the biggest issue. Because the next thing she may be offered might be crystal meth.

Understanding and firmness, but gosh, NO paddling!

Answer 3

Well of course there should be some sort of punishment for this. I'm not so sure about the paddle thing though....she's too old for that. Since she shouldn't be trusted "for awhile", not forever, maybe take her door from her room. That way if she is trying it in there, you should be able to smell it or see if you walk by. Because that is your house. If drugs are in YOUR house, YOU will be the one to get into trouble, not her. And grounding for sure, at least mostly weekends where she is probably getting it from people she is hanging around with. How long, that is up to you. And when her friends come over, make sure you tell them that if you ever think they are doing this with your daughter, you will surely be giving their parents a call. And you listen here little missy! Your parents DO know best! We are talking about you and what you have done right now. Not what your parent did long ago. If that is where you want to take this, then how about haveing all the advantages your parents had....like no cell phone, no game systems, no cd players, no color t.v. and only 3 channels to watch, bell bottom pants, no extra money, no pop and snack foods, no makeup, etc...shall I go on? Do you get the point? Your parents are right, like it or not....you will love them for this later. You just think you know it all at this age and honey, you don't have a clue! Maybe they could take you to the police station to "show" you and let the police tell you what exactly would happen....It really is not good for you. You will realize this much later in life. So for now, try to listen and have respect for your parents. They love you and only want the best for you. Good luck to you all.

Answer 4

It's a big deal because it's not legal. In some states, depending on the amount, it can be a felony. Many schools have a zero-tolerance policy on it as well, and your daughter can get booted out on the first offense. (And make it VERY difficult to get into another school.)
I've also found it can be a doorway to other, more serious, things. Yeah, a little weed here and there didn't kill anyone I know of, but the other stuff can. (I toured with a rock band and I've seen it ALL and a lot of it I wish I hadn't.)
IMO - punishment should be 14 days of "slave labor" - i.e. dishes, vaccumming, washing cars, raking leaves, etc., in addition to any normal chores. No cell phone for those 14 days. Tight rein on social activities - friends at YOUR house only. (This way YOU keep an eye on what's happening.) It's not a federal crime, but it's not jaywalking either.

Answer 5

Fifteen seems way too old for spanking, and it wouldn't solve anything, just create more tension and distrust between you.
I say it's time for serious loss of privileges. She is wrong about the pot being no big deal, and you know that from past experience. There's nothing wrong with our kids knowing we've done things we shouldn't have, and it should never keep us from punishing them for doing that same thing. Her getting caught with weed has caused you to question her judgment and she should have to earn back your trust. Lay down the law, then enforce it big time. A grounding with the exception of school, work, sanctioned school acitivities, is in order for at least a month. There should also be extra duties at home. I'd also be inclined to sentence her to a research paper (due to you at the end of the month) about the perils of pot -- either physically to the body or by getting caught by the police violating the law.

Answer 6

The "its not a big deal" thing is a result of her peers. Just because everyone else is "doing it" means that its ok for her to do it. Its illegal! If they suspect drug use in my school, your sent for testing (as in all schools in the US).

Take it from another 15 year-old, she needs to be punished, very harshley. I wouldn't hit/spank her, but a good grounding is what she needs.

For at least 2 months give her chores (if she doesn't have them already) or more chores/housework if she already does chores. Allowance? NO MORE! Your daughter is obviousley using that money to buy the pot. TV? Only on weekends, school nights are for homework. Friends? No leaving the house or having friends over for 1-2 months. Schoolwork? With all this time, she better be getting A's. Computer? To be honest, she needs it for homework. I wouldn't take it away. Sometimes IM is a good tool for homework communicate. Give it to her only in a public place, where you can watch her. (this is to your discretion). Reading? Your giving her all this time, find books for her and require a written book report. About 1 ever 2 weeks. Not only is this good practice, but its a horrible punishment.

After 2 months of strict punishment, gradually take away all of them. Give TV back for 1 or 2 hours a night. Take away some chores. Friends on weekends, with early (9) curfew. etc.

Just because you did it doesn't make it OK for her. Times have changed, the laws a lot stricter. Her life is ruined if she gets caught.

Good Luck!

Answer 7

One drug just leads to another one. You know, I was lucky and never tried drugs in school. I had a lot of friends that did. The ones who used to say oh it's just pot it can't hurt you. Well, a lot of those guys are just total and complete losers today. So I guess my point is that it obviously doesn't lead you to a long and successful life. I went on to graduate from college, get married, and have two beautiful daughters. I realize at your age, your pretty sure your mom is stupid! I remember feeling that way. So just remember if your so smart don't do drugs! Everybody who's anybody knows that. I was the coolest most popular girl in school. Cheerleader, Stuco President, Drum Major Etc. I didn't do drugs, and I went to every major party there ever was. I won't lie. When I was a senior I had my share of a few beers, but we also took turns being the designated driver. Be smart about your life and your body. It's yours, don't let some idiot tell you how to take care of it. Let them mess up their own lives. Take charge of your destiny and make something out of your future. You can do it . That's why your mother cares. She believes in what you can do and what your all about. She knows your gonna do great things, and she doesn't want anybody taking that away from you! Maybe instead of being in trouble. The two of you can use this as a launching point for a new kind of communication between you. Your growing up and becoming a young lady. You would like to make some decisions about your life and your body. Show your mom that you can make good, intelligent, mature decisions by saying no to drugs!

Answer 8

I'm sorry but just because you did it does not give her any excuse to do it. I believe there should be a punishment, now what kind is a different story. It is a big deal it is not just a little pot it can cause a lot of behavioral problems. Sometimes talking can help but she needs to know what pot can do to a person here is a web site http://www.drugfree.org/Portal/drug_guide/Marijuana
My husband has a friend who has smoked so much and for so long i believe hes is some what retarted now. He is very slow, my husband has to pay his bills cuz he forgets the passwords and account numbers. So just for you to ponder does your daughter want to throw away her education just to get high.

Answer 9

kids are going to try these things and you did it as a kid, you cannot really punish her for something you tried....I mean seriously the most you can do is take it away from her and explain to her why you do not want her doing pot. Tell her the risks.......and what would happen if she was caught by the cops. Maybe even call the cops and see if they could explain this to her or tour the juvi center. Goodluck

Answer 10

I don't think it's a big deal. I believe almost everyone has tried it at least once. Just be thankful you found pot and not some hard core drug. But you should let her know that she needs to control that and not let the drug control her. When you are are a teenager you tend to do the opposite of what your parents say! keep that in mind.