Forgiveness and it's many twist & turns...your thoughts please?

Question

I was rasied in a horribly abusive home. My father was extremley abusive emotionally & phycially to both myself and two sisters. I left home at 16 and lived in a car for two years, it was that bad. That was years ago and each of us survived. We each have scares but have all turned out to be constructive healthy adults...how I don't really know. Our father has recently contacted us and wants to see us...he's older now and wants a relationship with us. My sisters want nothing to do with him and refuse to even talk about the possibilty. I respect and honor their views (they own the pain not me). I have a deep need to want to forgive..not forget but to forgive. I want to become willing to be willing to forgive, in fact I want to run to it. I don't feel anger or hate...I want the dark cloud and the missing piece in my heart to be healed.
I want to offer him forgiveness 100% My sisters say I'm crazy.

Am I too willing...what's your thoughts please?

Answer 1

You should take it slow. I think you need closure or you your self won't be able to live a happy fullfilling life with out closure. If he is sincere you should take it day by day...but if he does more harm then good in your life then you should just see him once in a while. But if you can picture your life happy with out him then you don't need him.

Answer 2

I mean forgiveness is a wonderful thing and even though he did some horrible things to you, it is great that you can forgive. Nobody would blame you if you didn't though, and that you CAN forgive him is tremendous! Most people can't see forgiveness even close to them, even though they want to.

This is a major step and if it helps you get over your pain and hurt, then I don't think you are too willing.

Forgiveness is mainly for YOURSELF, not for others or the other person. It lets YOU let go of all of the feelings, hurts, and you don't hold onto them anymore. It isn't necessarily to make your dad feel more welcome or your sister betrayed, it's for you to make a fresh start and get on with your life. Kudos for you to making this work... I don't know if I could forgive, but I'm not in the situation.

Answer 3

That's a pretty tough question and one of those unfortaunte situations where there is no one right answer and about a million wrong ones.

You are right to respect your sisters' feelings. If you choose to have a relaitonship with your father, I wouldn't force it on them. They may or may not come around in their own time.

My mother was very abusive as well and I also left home at 16. I have a relationship with her now because she's *mostly* cleaned up her act, but I know her vicious side still lingers just under the surface so I tread cautiously always. I have not forgiven her, nor have I forgotten. I cannot even begin to entertain forgiveness until she owns up to her responsibilities as a parent. She still insists she was the perfect mother. Phooey.

Anyway, I wish you godspeed, good luck, and all that. Families are so tricky. (((HUGS)))

Answer 4

I would look at it this way if you can move on in your life never talking to him and feel good about it then do and if you feel that you can't them go see him. But this is all about you not him he no longer has control over you. What is hard on you isn't going it's losing control. Will you toke that back in the pass and he can't take that back from you you're to strong now. So you're sister that you're not crazy. You're just strong and you need to put closer to that part of your life. And start new. But know that you are in control not him. And if you start to feel like you're losing the control the leave and say i'm sorry But I went this whey as a kid And I'm not going to let you do again

Answer 5

Offer forgiveness but proceed with caution and if you see any red flags get away fast. You can forgive doesn't mean you forget. Take each day at a time. Goodluck

Answer 6

Forgiveness heals yourself. It doesn't excuse his bad behaviour, it just helps you heal. If you can forgive him, it will be a huge weight lifted off of you. If you are unable to forgive, it is like he still has a hold on you, controls you.

Just be careful that you don't get hurt once again by your father. If you are able to spend time with him, don't get shattered should he return to his old hurtful ways.

Answer 7

Dag, It seems I can't hide from this question. U have to forget to achieve 100% forgiveness and be able to grow all around. I was raped and sodomized by two uncles one blood and the other by marriage they were best friends when I was 9 yrs, old. They thought it was so funny to intoxicate me, rape me, and sodomize me at that age more than one time with death threats if I ever told anyone. I was terrified of them for many yrs. to come and I dared not ever tell anyone else, no one. I hated God< Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. Where were they when I needed them? I became inward, rebellious, a bully in school, showed instability that no one not even professionals seemed to understand why I went from straight 'A's to 'D's and 'F's.

I grew up all messed up and a champion of abused children and women. I hated predators with a passion including those who hurt me. I joined several churches looking for forgiveness from God and the Trinity. I was so confused why God would allow this to happen to innocent children such as myself. I kept away from my uncles for many yrs. to come and it wasn't until my 49 yr. old sister's death this past Sept. that I was able to let one of my uncle's even touch me again. He hugged me when I came home from Utah to CT.

Forgiveness and forgetness must go hand in hand to be complete for ur sake not ur father's. Unfortunately ur sisters will have to leave with their agonies for as long as they choose to. U on the other hand will definitely grow from ur letting go of the horrible past and go on from there whether or not it includes having future relations with ur dad. The choice is urs and urs alone with God's help u will do what is right for u. God Bless and take care.

Remember this that forgiveness doesn't help the one who needs to be forgiven like it helps the one who forgives and forgets.

We have to immulate God when He as an example forgives and forgets our transgressions.

Answer 8

Everyone has to do for themselves.. if forgiving is how you feel best in dealing with this.. than certainly go ahead... Each of us handle situations differently than others do.. its knowing whats right for you is the decision you have to make

Answer 9

Our opinion is not important.

Yours is - you must do what instinctively you know is right.