They say that you should be yourself. I say you should define yourself. What are your thoughts?

Question

Since I am a product of the way I was raised coupled with the environment I was raised in there really is no I. When people say be yourself they are essentially saying be who you were programmed to be. If a person is struggling with who they are versus who they want to be would it not be an accurate statement to say that they really are not who they are supposed to be since they find the thought of being that way repulsive?

Answer 1

Well I hear you.

But I would argue that who you essentially are (at basic level) is not entirely 'a product of the way you were raised coupled with the environment you were raised in.'

An example is my two nephews. The older one is a ray of sunshine, the younger one a thunder cloud. From practically the day they were both born they had these completely opposing characteristics. The older one, within the first couple of months was born giggling and smiling (basically), the younger did not crack a grin until he was about 5 yrs old - and even then had to be told how (basically). They have had the exact same upbringing and environment - yet two completely opposite children you will never meet. They are the epitome of yin / yang.

They have grown to understand society, western culture, concepts of the family unit, and fundamental concepts of morality. However, what makes them individuals (the 'I' concept) is that they were born with unique personalities. Somewhere along the line, their genes were woven together to form completely unique genetic / biological / chemical make-ups.

The one loves sports and is fiercely competitive. The younger one, loves nothing more than to be left alone with a book and a picture book of space and the planets.

Although, its fair for you to suggest that who we become is largely down to our upbringing and environment, it is not entirely so. There exists a level (however basic) where our personality is unique - our likes and dislikes, our tendencies, our hormonal imbalances, our psychological connections... .these all make us different from our siblings, and certainly from almost anyone else on the planet.

Many factors combine to make us who we are as individuals. It would be erroneous to rule out any one factor completely and say it is invalid to who we are.

Good question though!

Answer 2

Well, no. I suppose you do have to "find" yourself before you can truly "be" yourself. Your self is a complex amalgam of nature & nurture, partly how you are born, partly how you are raised or "programmed" as you put it but also how you yourself choose to be. You are the author of your own fate to a large degree. Certainly your parents, peers & various others throughout your life will make their mark but you still make your own choices & conclusions & create who you are. You choose what you think & feel. You have a conscience, a sense of right & wrong. You have opinions, dreams, preferences, pet peeves. All of these things are "you" not programmed but your own choice. You have strengths & vulnerabilities. You have the face that you show to the world & the intimate side you show to a chosen few. So when someone says "be yourself" they mean to be real, to be honest, not to be fake & pretend to be something you're not (to lie, to act in ways that are unlike you just to fit in etc.) I wrote a bitter song called "Don't be yourself" once directed toward someone who was giving me advice about what to do (& basically telling me to be the opposite of who I was). I thought, screw that. I am who I am. Like it or lump it! I'm not perfect. None of us are. But we have to accept & love who we are & be the best that we can be. You should never see yourself as repulsive.

I guess just saying "be yourself" isn't enough:

First find yourself.
Then love yourself.
Then be yourself.

Because you are a miracle. Whatever flaws you may perceive, you are a wonderful child of the universe. There never has been & never will be another you. So enjoy it!

Peace out.

:)

Answer 3

I think you have a point. But isn't even how you define things shaped by your background pre-understandings? Your interpretation or definition of something is not conducted in a vacuum, but in a social and cultural context. If you define yourself as X, doesn't that presuppose you had a desire to define yourself as X? And if you did, doesn't that imply a self that existed and had that desire, a self which is, as you put it, a product of its social embeddedness? Maybe its not possible to be or define yourself in any meaningfully authentic way? I think that the obsession with "being yourself" that is popular today is misguided and impossible. That's why so many people that "be themself" end up being so similar to each other. There is little, if any self that exists inside you, independent of your social situation.

Answer 4

Initially when you are defining yourself, it also means to be yourself. Be true to yourself and others and not act any different than when you're with someone or by your self. Most of the people aren't themselves. What I mean by that is if a group of people, they're gunna act like one another to "fit in". When really if someone wants you to change, or can't accept who YOU are, than you need to find new friends. Find people that have the same interests as you and who are themselves.

I hope this helps.. sorry if I didn't hit your question directly..

Answer 5

True, being yourself is not always such a good thing. Like you said, we are often a product of our upbringing. Thus if you were raised to be trash, should you be trash? I do not think so...You can work towards who you want to be and what you can be....thus you should define yourself.....Did I understand you correctly? Thnx for the thought!

Answer 6

If you are aware of how you are raised and the environment in which it was done do you not have the tools and means to change. If you do know and you do change are you not being yourself? You are defined by WHO you are, and not what you are. And if allowing your surroundings to define you is that not being yourself. I choose Not to be defined by my surroundings. Why? because that is who I am. Because we do have a conscience and have awareness we set for our selves who we may become.
Who is 'They'?

Answer 7

You are who you are. If you allow yourself to be susceptible to programming than that is part of who you are. If you want to be something different, you are still who you are, with a struggling inner being. It is completely up to the individual if they want to be a person with strength enough to change the things about themselves that they don't like.Who you are can change, who you are can grow, and develop or crumble if you let it.

Answer 8

I quite agree. All people need to be aware of their hermeneutics in order to overcome them.

I grew up in a household of emotional abuse. My step-mother said everything she could to insult and put me down. Because of that, I was able to see that she had her twisted point of view and I created my own point of view.

I truly believe that every person needs to relearn everything that they are taught as a child or they will be stuck a generation behind. Our society grows so slowly because we are always ten steps back.

You are correct in stating that most people find their parents' values and standards repulsive, yet their own standards are no different. People do not examine themselves before they comment on others.

Take care,
Troy

Answer 9

You are living in a Fantasy World, buddy. Know thineself and Be Who You Are. You don't have to define it to anyone and if you are trying to be something else than what you are you are a Fake and Repulsive.

Answer 10

Shakespeare said it best: To Be or Not To Be? But it is not a question for you are yourself, it is a matter of acting out who you are. This is what they mean by practice makes perfect. Don't struggle within, Out with it laddie/lassie, be yourself with actions, speak louder than words.