We have been living together for 4 months and been together for 5 yrs. for the past week we have been fighting and he has been giving me the silent treatment since thanksgiving, we fought becuase he is always so full of himself fincally and he only cares about his pockets and not about me and my 3 kids. i have been sleeping on the couch and my kids have been staying in their rooms. the house has been silent for so many nights. i refuse to give in to him, because he needs to start being a man and realize that i have three kids and we are a package.. he also needs to start giving me affection and being their for my kids. what can i do.by the way i don't want to move because the lease is in both or our names and i have spend so much time and money to establish what i have today..
2006-11-28 04:37:41 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
read into my previous question for more information. thanks. also he won't move he is stubborn and wants me to get out.
2006-11-28 04:42:00 · update #1
first of all we both work full time and the kids are never home. they go to day care after school and they are not to young, they are 13,12 and 6. and that's the problem he don't want to spend time alone with me..
2006-11-28 04:48:52 · update #2
Sounds like there is a compatibility issue, which unfortunately has been realized once you moved in together. I don't think he is going to change and suddenly become connected with you and the kids the way you might hope. He is used to being on his own and enjoyed his money and independence more that he thought. In light of this, you'll probably have to separate and either go back to dating or just go your own ways.
With the lease also in your name and with the kids, if you want to keep the place and can afford it on your own, you've got as much right to keep it as he does. Assuming that the above it true. I'd put his stuff out, talk to the landlord and change the locks. He got the money and mobility to do whatever he needs to do, so let him suffer the inconvenience. If nothing else, in the interim, you take the bedroom and let him sleep on the couch, while the kids pass by through the living room. That might motivate him to get out on his own.
2006-11-28 05:28:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Some fighting is normal after a change in a living situation. Don't be stubborn; "giving in" on both of your parts will promote peace in the long run, while continuing with the silence only destroys your bond. Sometimes you have to "give in" even when you feel you're "right", for the sake of the peace in the family. Other times, he will do the same for you. If you've been together for 5 years, you had to have had *some* idea about what he was like; it couldn't have come as a big surprise that he might be selfish in this way. Look at the situation realistically, and consider that there will always be things about him that you will have to "put up" with - if you two are to make it work, both of you have to start learning "putting up" with one another. I don't know what had transpired between the two of you that made you post this question; from "he needs to start giving affection and being there for the kids" it sounds like he hadn't done so until now - which begs a question, why move in with a person who doesn't give you the affection you need, and who doesn't care about your kids. Obviously, there was enough affection and love over these 5 years to bring you to the decision to move in together; build on it, don't undermine it with arguments and stubbornness.
2006-11-28 04:48:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
the only way to have a good relationship is to have an open communication you dont have to give in but you should say that you are upset and you think that the both of you should talk if it get out of control take a time out and decide when it would be good to come back to the table, there are always two sides to a story and you should be able to hear his, and meet somewhere in the middle
if the kids are the problem for him maybe arranging more after school things for them to do so you two can be alone more?
2006-11-28 04:44:24 · answer #3 · answered by sevenandahalf7 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You deserve better than that. He obviously has a problem; it's not you girl. And nobody should have to live like that or even feel like that. Go to your landlord or management, give them the "quick and ugly version" -- making a long story short and ask what your options are. They should be able to tell you what all you can or can't do. Then go from there. If you are living as if you were alone - you mine as well be alone. If he's so unhappy, he needs to stop waisting your time and move on, so you can do the same. I wish you luck.
2006-11-28 05:25:38 · answer #4 · answered by apache_lizz 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's taken you this long to realize he's not going to commit? Wow. You should've wised up years ago. And sorry, but a woman with 3 kids is a no go for most men - it's just a bad deal all around. If I were you, I'd stop dating and get focused on your kids - since they're what really matters and it's NOT ALL ABOUT YOU.
2006-11-28 05:15:35 · answer #5 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
circulate returned domicile with mum and dad, you desire the help from them. If that's impossible touch a family member or a chum, and be roommates. In different words circulate out at the same time as your nonetheless interior the early months of being pregnant. Upon shifting touch a criminal expert and get new child help from BF. residing mutually is this manner of incorrect element to do.....
2016-12-10 17:45:31 · answer #6 · answered by zagel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats a hard one. If they are not his kids then technically they are your responsibility. On another note though if he has been with you for five years then he obviously knows you have kids. I agree its a package deal. You and your kids father need to be supporting the kids financially but emotionally that another story. If he live in the same home with your kids then he needs to be emotionally available to the kids involved. If he isn't abusive then I would tell him how you feel and if it doesn't change move once the lease is up.
2006-11-28 04:43:09 · answer #7 · answered by Luv_My_Baby 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I'm sorry to tell u that, but in my opinion if he didn't propose after couple of years, move on, my mom always told me better to be by yrself then being with just with somebody, u have three children, these r the most important people in ur life that u have, and if he doesn't respect them then he doesn't respect u you. Good luck.
2006-11-28 05:31:38 · answer #8 · answered by bad person 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You and the boyfriend need to talk. Tell him how this makes you feel. Then when it is his turn to talk you need to also listen.
I don't know your full situation, but could it be that the father of your children are not contributing child support and maybe the boyfriend is feeling angry about this or sad because maybe he feels you only view him as a paycheck?
You have known each other five years, having children is nothing new to him. Talk to each other and if you can't, write a letter. the feelings have to get out and the criticism has to stop in order to resolve things.
Good luck.
2006-11-28 05:10:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
you need to leave him. cut your losses and go. the more time you spend sleeping on the couch and existing day to day in silence, the more damage is being done emotionally to all parties involved (ESPECIALLY your children. don't think that just because they sleep in their rooms every night they don't know what's going on. kids are VERY smart!) and the more money you're wasting.
and a word of advice: never put anything in you and someone else's name unless you're married. remember that after you leave him.
2006-11-28 04:47:44 · answer #10 · answered by Jenn 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋