personality change?

Question

it has been a while since i started trying to change myself to be a better person. its not that im a criminal or something but lets just say i could have been better. every night before sleeping i tell myself to change the next day but i always fail. i end up being my old self. i know the saying that we should always be ourself, but i want to change for the better. please dont suggest counselling or motivational courses... i just need some advice from you guys... please help... thanks

Answer 1

Our personalities are not determined while in the womb. I think our personalities are taught to us from the minute we are born....from the stimuli around us....from the people we meet. Our teachers, our friends, our parents all have an impact on who we are. Lets get this right though, we all make mistakes, we all do things that we dont particularly like. But that is a process in itself, we have to make mistakes for us to learn about who we really are. Only time and experience will make us become who we really want to be. The mind may be a wonderful thing, but I honestly dont think you can tell yourself to change and you change. I dont know how old you are, but you have had years of developing the personality you have now, and it cant be undone in a day. You said you are not a criminal, but you could be better. Hell, welcome to the real world. I would love to be better, and I am better than I was 10 years ago. I am strong, I am confident, I love life. I also get angry, I have wanted revenge many times. I have hurt people that I have loved...sometimes intentionally, sometimes unintentionally. I have learnt a lot in my years and all the mistakes of my past have moulded me into who I am today. You cannot help but be influenced by what has happened in your life, and you deal with things the only way you know how at that time. Just you wanting to change means you are realising that you are learning from your mistakes. It will take time. You posting this question tells me you are a good person. A bad person doesnt have a conscience, they just continually do bad things without worrying about who it is hurting. You have a conscience, you want to be better, so you couldnt be bad at all. You would have to be a very deep, very sensitive person to want to change so badly....so you obviously have some very good qualities. Why dont you look at your positive qualities instead of the negative ones. Go with the flow, improve on your good qualities, put them to use. Dont concentrate on the bad so much. Maybe use your qualities, your mistakes and your experiences to help other people. Why not do some volunteer work with street kids for example. Use your experiences to other peoples advantage, and what you consider negative about yourself may just help someone else because you have been there, you have done that. Always be positive, stop thinking of yourself as a lesser human being because of the mistakes you have made. You will continue to make mistakes....we all do, but we learn from those mistakes. Mistakes are just a part of life, and if viewed correctly, in 10 years time you will have your mistakes to thank for the successful person you have become.

You can turn this around, but you have to start concentrating on your good points...the rest will take care of itself. Be kind to yourself...stop telling yourself to change every night because by doing that you are only concentrating on the negative. Instead of saying to yourself I want to change.....say to yourself......I am only human and I am going to use my skills to do something good tomorrow....start small....help an old lady across the street for example.....lol......just do things that will make you feel good about yourself. Smile at a person who looks down and out and say hello. Start thinking positive, and you soon will be positive.

Change will happen whether we want it to or not and it will happen in its own time. You cannot escape the dash. You know when you see the headstone of someone who has died and it says such and such born 1948 - 2005. The important part isnt the year you were born, nor the year you died, it is the dash that is important, it is what you do between being born and dying. Everything has a purpose. Life is a journey, and let me tell you if you didnt make mistakes then you would never ever learn about yourself. You would never ever become a fullfilled and whole person. Just be kind to yourself and develop your good qualities and like I said the rest will take care of itself.

I wish you all the best.

Answer 2

In order to change your overall being or at least some aspects it is a continual exercises. I suggest that you pick one aspect of yourself and focus on changing that one aspect. Do not try to change too much at once because you will fall into old patterns of behavior. You sound like your interested in behavior modification in which case I would suggest the minor version which is wearing an elastic band around your wrist and snapping it when you feel that you are about to turn around and fall into old behavior patterns. This will shock your system and in order to avoid the discomfort you will not revert to the old patterns of behavior. I hope that it helps, and never be ashamed of trying to change that is how we all learn and grow.

Answer 3

Hey there, first off, you can't change over night.. it's impossible sorry. But if you do want to change, start changing slowing. What I mean is try doing one thing different at a time and get used to it. Make it become a habbit and then change something else. But you can't change over night.. it's very impossible!
Good luck and Merry Christmas!!

Answer 4

Instead of beating your self up try sitting in front of a mirror and looking into your eyes and say " I forgive you" and I love you". Do this often . Like every time you you look in a mirror or see your reflection. As you walk along also use the mantra I love me , I forgive me. You are telling your self ~ 20.000 times a day I am not exaggerating that you are no good in a variety of ways. Choose to be different and allow your self to be a person of integrity. By reducing the amount of negative input in your life this would also assist you in your quest. ie: tv, video games, fear based publications, various belief systems etc. . You are loved and respected by the Uni-verse if you can not hear that you are loved and cherished by Source/ God/Prime Creator.........

Answer 5

telling yourself to change the next day every night before sleeping is not good enough. Put in more effort.

Answer 6

Ask yourself who you'd like to be, and what you don't like about yourself and stick to it. It is not going to happen overnight. I wanted to be less insecure, and although sometimes I am insecure (who isn't) I feel pretty good about myself now. I know what I able of, what I have to offer and what I have achieved and what I can achieve if I want to.

So start with having a very good look at yourself, and start with baby steps.

Answer 7

People don't change but things around us change, we're just not ourself sometimes, we can be ourself by doing nothing, things around us will always change wether we like it or not. Now ask yourself what do you want to do to change the things around you as you like it.

Answer 8

Unless there is some reward that is worth it to you, nothing is going to happen.