Okay, this is a long post...i've been married for 2 1/2 years and been together for 5 years. we have 2 kids

Question

together one is 4 one is 18mo. Lately i've had a gut feeling something has been going on. every since she started work. i have caught her on the phone with a guy once. and found a letter to him. he is only 20, and she is 25. i'm 31. well, all hell broke loose and i confronted her about being over to his house, (he lives w/his mom) i've been told she's been with him and seen with him. well, she lied to me and i kicked her out. come to find out that night she spent the night w/him and had sex. she had sex w/him for almost a week. i've never mistreated her or cheated on her before. she hasn't me either, tha i know of. until now. we were split for about 1 1/2 months...he also went to jail. according to records, his second home! we have been talking and she begged me to let her move back in. partially for the sake of the kids i let her come back home Am i stupid how do i trust her again. she says it will never happen again, but i didn't think it would happen the 1st time. any thoughts

Answer 1

Of course she was begging to come back home - where else did she have to go now that her lover was back in jail? I don't think you're stupid for taking her back, just a little naive maybe. I don't think you should ever stay together "for the sake of the kids" - they usually end up sensing all the negativity and ugliness which is not good for them.

Whatever you decide to do, do it for YOURSELF! Don't put the wife or the kids into the equation - do what is best for you.

Answer 2

If he's putting forward "what's the point, that is only somewhat of paper" i might want to challenge to assert that he doesn't intend to ask you. you want to ask your self some difficult questions because he's made his emotions fairly sparkling. he's getting precisely what he needs from the relationship AND he nonetheless has his freedom. Are you waiting to stay with this indefinitely? Are you satisfied with the prestige of your relationship? Are you happy with the way issues are literally? by way of the indisputable fact that is the way they're going to stay. If no longer, you may want to favor to make some difficult judgements to no matter if you want to stay in this relationship or no longer. that is truly no longer all about love, besides the actual undeniable actuality that that is large if that is an element, yet you'll strengthen to resent him finally if what you truly do choose is to get married. Then the love will die and also you'd be left with bitterness. If he hasn't requested you thru now, likelihood is he not in any respect will. You both favor to settle for that or end the relationship and bypass on.

Answer 3

Well I wish I could say give it another try it might work out. Unfortunately I have seen this sort of thing too many times. They get back together and try to put it behind them. Even the best intentions don't work out. Something happens something gets said an Baum! it's right there. If you can't just let it go and never even bring it up again no matter what you might stand a chance. But you Willl get mad and you wil be hurt and you will throw it in her face. Is that the way you want to live? or the rest of your family to live? everyone will be effected. Tell her know and move on. JMO

Answer 4

You did the right thing to try and save your marriage. I would talk to your wife and make it very clear that you will forgive everything to now, but if this happens again there will be a divorce. Now on to the little jail bird, you might want to think about hiring a couple BIG guys to discuss options with him privately. Your not stupid
so never think you are.

Answer 5

Cheat on me once, shame on you. Cheat on me twice, shame on me. Once a cheater always a cheater. I don't care what anyone else says, this is true. Sex is the motivation behind her cheating and obviously she will do it again. I think you need to ask yourself what is best for your kids, a mother who can't keep her butt home, or a mother who puts her kids first. She is not the second one by the way. I'm sorry, but you need to be told this so you won't be her doormat. She only wants you because she knows you are her "safe" zone. Don't waste your time on her anymore. She is never going to be the same person she was. She has already shared herself with another man. Do you honestly want her after that? I do believe you can do better. Good luck and GOD bless you.

Answer 6

MY SUGGESTION WOULD BE GET CUSTODY OF YOUR KIDS....for what i have read you guys are still not divorce and legally married that is called ADULTERY and may sound harsh but she is or was not thinking on what was best for the kids or otherwise none of this would have happen and you guys would be taking counseling to work on the relationship but whats done is done, focus on you and the kids and whats best for you three definitely she is not

Answer 7

You may be able to forgive her but you will probably never trust her again and you will always wonder if shes doing it again. and it almost sounds like she is thing as if she is still single with no responsibility to anyone except her self. She needs to grow up and except responsibility that she chose when she married you. she may be torn between being wild and free again. and wanting to be a wife and mom may you too could put something back in your marriage that may have been lost when you began a family

Answer 8

If you are willing to let her back into your life, then you need to spell out the rules. Basically she is your personal slave until she earns back the trust she destroyed. You can check up on her any time, she has to be able to account for every minute of every day. If you call her she better answer right away. If she even balks in the slightest, I would doubt her commitment to you. She has to earn it back, nothing is free.

Answer 9

Come on man!! what didn't you learn??? She was gettin fed by some other guy-I think you know the right answer--grow a set and tell her to move on- you are not going to help your children by moving her back in your just going to cause a hostile situation--not to mention the S.T.D your going to get1!!

Answer 10

Brian,

I would give her one more chance for your sake and the sake of the kids.

Normally, I am a bit vindictive, but I really think that if she is begging for one more chance, you should give her one. Let her know that if it ever happens again, its game over.

Then let it go and try to rebuild your relationship.