How Do You Know When Its Time to End Your Marriage?

Question

I desperately need some advice, insight or something. I have been married for 13 years and have 3 children. For the last 6 months I've not had any feelings of love (for lack of a better description) for my husband. I will give a little background info. My husband has always been very critical of me; either I wasn't thin enough, or the house wasn't clean enough, etc. About 2.5 years ago, I insisted that he see the dr as I felt he had obsessive/compulsive disorder. The dr agreed and put him on meds and he seemed to improve, or at least I thought he did and life became better. Last May I had to go out of town on business for 1month. During that month, although I missed my kids terribly, I realized that I actually was happy w/o him in my life daily. No one to ***** at me over the least little thing. During that time I was happy. I've been home for 6 months and I have no warmth or affection for him anymore. I've tried to spark it, but it just isn't there anymore and I'm so torn.

I just wanted to add that he is the type of person who is negative. When he comes home, I think he looks for things to complain about and the children are even beginning to notice it and be affected by it. I've tried talking to him about how I feel and he doesnt' seem to get just how unhappy I am. Thanks~

Does he ever say anything nice to me? Well yes, but its usually only AFTER he's made me upset or cry or when he's wanting some "action".

To Nightman1~
Although I am happy you've found your happiness, I am not being selfish. All the time I think how this will affect my children if I leave and that is probably the main reason I am still here. Yes, he is a good father and yes, he is a good provider but NO he's not a good husband. I have a wonderful job and don't need a man to take care of me...I just want some true happiness and have someone in my life who loves me and appreciates me the way I want to be loved and appreciated. So I stick it out another 15 years until the children are gone, for what? I will be in my mid 50's, my youth will be gone and I will be in a home, alone with someone who doesn't love me the way I want to be loved. Where's the fairness in that? Am I not allowed to be happy in my life just because my husband makes good money or is a good dad? You sound like a bitter man, sorry.

Answer 1

Maybe suggesting to him that you are in a place where you feel like leaving him, may just be what he needs to realize he can't take you for granted.

If you do go through with it. Think about all the practical aspects too. How is your money situation? Where will you go? Will you take the kids? Will they need to change schools? etc. Make sure you have worked things out and then leave.

I wish you luck. I would say to you try and work it out, but maybe some time apart may help both of you.

Answer 2

You should tell him he has two weeks to completely change and start treating you and the family right for good or that you are going to have to leave him. And mean it. If he doesn't change either you pack some bags and you and the kids leave or kick him out. My friend went through this type of abuse for years and she would leave and he would beg her to come back and she would go back again. finally she got so tired of the abuse she left him for good. She has 2 kids and has met a wonderful man. Her ex calls her every day crying and begging her to come back but now she is truly happy. Sometimes people just have to be taught a lesson to really change.

Answer 3

This time of marriage is always critical so the question of divorce is up to you but before making any decision think about more than once and think who will be affected by it and how bad they will be affected and the best advice I could give you is talk with someone you trust and know he\she could help you and you could contact me and we will discuss the matter as it is quite important

Answer 4

Ms; it happens that people grow apart. Staying for the kids is wrong. You both have invested enough time. However you both have need and deserve to be happy. The next step may be hard but, you will feel better once it is done. Talk to a lawyer and either have him move out or you take the kids and move out.
Good Luck.

Answer 5

First of all, let me say that I am generally against divorce, but once the respect and trust is gone from the relationship, it's usually over.

I would say that if you feel comfortable on your own and really didn't miss him, then you should probably go your own way. Speaking from experience, you just can't make a poor marriage good. It is just wasting time - time that you could spend bettering yourself and your life.

Answer 6

be care for what you wish for? what about the kids all i hear is me me me me nothing about the kids is he a good father do he work pay the bill there are so many women who dont have a good man you sound like my ex wife who care if she rip my heart out used the kids to hurt me as long as she happy gruss what after 4 years i got my kids and i getting marry to a much young wife and gruss who left out in the cold so be happy your husband will find someone who can read the marrage vow

Answer 7

Does he ever say anything nice to you?

Maybe you should say something like....everytime you criticize me it makes me hate you...is that what you want?

I am contemplating divorce if you dont improve right now.

You have alot invested in your marriage and so do your kids. I would leave only as the very very last resort. God does not want you to get a divorce.

Answer 8

What you're describing could be solved with a little communication coaching. If he communicated better, you would enjoy being around him more, problem solved. You're planning a drastic solution (divorce) to a small, easily correctable problem (complaining).

Answer 9

Someone who complains that much sounds just as unhappy as you. Not recommending divorce but a change sounds like it would do you both good.

Answer 10

well.. he won't change... So stop think ( if you do) he will change one day. I think you better leave him get on with your life...