how do i leave him?

Question

advice please.
Ive been married for 13 years to a lovely man and we have 2 kids. Problem is i dont want to be with him anymore, but scared to tell him.
He tells me everyday how much he loves me and i know he is gonna be devastated if we split. And i dont mean that in a big-headed way, i just dont want to hurt him.
The sex doesnt happen for us anymore, i just dont find him attreactive in that way anymore

Answer 1

You haven't had sex in years and you don't want to hurt him, now that's funny. Do him a big favor, and leave him asap. That way he can get over you sooner, and get with a wife who really loves him, all of him. Being strung along sucks.

Answer 2

Be honest and considerate. Talk together, agree to get professional counselling -NOT from friends - and above all listen with an open mind!

You may learn things about yourself and each other that could both help and surprise. Quite possibly he also has similar feelings of boredom and frustration, even if he does love you to bits!

Be realistic - most of the best decisions in life, whether business or personal, are reached after thorough examination and open discussion from every viewpoint. Although painful, this is far more likely to produce the right result - whatever that turns out to be - than any one sided actions taken with a closed mind.

Whether or not the grass is greener, it would surely be unwise for you, and unfair to everyone else involved, just to up and run denying others the opportunity of any input in such a life changing decision. Once everything is out in the open, a breathing space for both sides to take on board what has been said, can't possibly do any harm.

Good luck to you all, however it turns out.

Answer 3

Dont let the break up be all about the sex, sometimes its better the devil you know than the devil you dont, why dont you put your kids first before yourself.
He must have alot of nice things about him, fine you can leave go out find a new bloke then you have to get used to all his good and bad parts, yeh the sex may be good but will he be a nice person, do you just keep going from man to man till you meet the right one, is this the kind of life you want.
Talk to him maybe you are going through a sort of depression, you cant change what you do not acknowledge.
Stop thinking of all the negative things about your husband and think of all the positive things he brings to the marriage, no matter what people say you have a responsibility to your children put them first.

Answer 4

Are you sure that there is nothing to work on? Sometimes we get caught up in the everyday and forget about the relationship. Every relationship needs nurturing, work. Would you consider some kind of counseling with him so that you can share your concerns and try to work things out together. You really have to think of the "family" not just yourself. I would say runs as fast as you can if he is abusive or cheating but if he's really a lovely man you should give yourself a chance to find what you once had. You may never be happy out there in the world should you choose to leave, think long and hard about your future and the future of you famil.

Answer 5

Poor you, how do you think the kids will feel when you tell them you`re leaving daddy because he "doesn`t do it for you" anymore? You have responsibilities and they are not just to yourself. I hope if you leave him, a woman with a bit more sense and appreciation snaps him up pretty quick! `Cos there`s lots out there waiting for a good bloke like him to come along. Then how will you feel? Do you think that you`re the only one who feels like this after 13 years? I bet half of the married women in the UK feel the same way. Sorry to be blunt but you are contemplating destroying a family because YOU are not happy. Try to make the best of your marriage `cos the grass ain`t always greener, as others have found out when it`s too late.

Answer 6

You poor thing, unfortunately there is no nice way of saying it.

Tell him how you feel, that you feel that you are falling out of love with him, before you make the break completly, why don't you try going away on holiday for a couple of weeks, just the two of you.
It can sometimes bring back some of those feelings that have been hiding away between the kids, housework, cleaning and the cellulite.
If that dosn't work, then at least you gave it a go and you tried your hardest love.

Take care,
x

Answer 7

That sexy feeling isn't everything. When you are old and wrinkly you will want to be with a lovely man and a good friend, you sound like such a lucky woman. Count your blessings!

If you don't find him physically attractive you need to discuss and be honest with him and if he cares he will listen.

The grass isn't always greener on the other side, change your way of thinking and be happy with him, becuase if you leave you may find yourself even more miserable and you would have ruined alot more lives than your own.

Answer 8

I know this isn't really an answer, but have you tried therapy? Couples therapy? This might actually be a problem that could be fixed. If not, then i suggest being very gentle. Maybe make sure you both have the afternoon to yourselves, and have a plan ready for who will go where, and all the little unpleasant details. Make sure you listen. If he was unaware that there was even a problem, then it might be something that could be mended. But, if you have your mind set on leaving, then just be very gentle and supportive, and understanding

Answer 9

if u really are sure about this then u have to bite the bullet and just tell him ive just had to break off a 3 year relationship (which i no isnt as long and there arent any kids etc) but that was hard coz when u have been with someone that long, despite not loving them u obviously care for them and its hard to see them hurt, especially when u are the cause of it but really u should just say it out right, it may hurt both of you in the short term but staying with him to avoid hurting him will hurt u both in the long run

best of luck!! x

Answer 10

If you don't believe the marriage can be repaired you only have two choices as far as I see it.
1) You stay with him so he is not upset and waste the rest of your life and his.
2) You sit down and tell him you don't love him anymore and don't want to be with him and give yourself a chance of happiness. And who knows - your bloke may find happiness again as well. He must know something is wrong.

It's not an easy choice. Good Luck, hope it all works out.

Answer 11

dress yourself in nike gear and
JUST DO IT
you cant keep going on like that but do it in a freidly way rember the kids if you live close it wont be a major prob for the kids as the have the 2 of you about

be freinds though and dont start a big in your face reltionship for a couple of years this will make it easier