I have 3 kids ages 1,2, and 3. My husband has been abusive and controling for years. He's already been in jail for an overnight when I called the police because he hit me a bunch and then cut my finger open when I tried to call the police. As of January 3rd, he is going to jail for 4 months. He says he didn't do it, but my heart tells me he did. My question for all divorced single moms is this: Would it be better to leave while he's away so the kids will already be used to him being gone, or should I wait some more. I see this as my opportunity to finally be free. Also, I'm scared because he has told me in the past that if I leave him, he'll kill me, and I wouldn't be surprised if he means it. Please help?!
2006-11-28 03:36:47 · 20 answers · asked by threecatsfamily 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am speaking from experience. Leave that man while he's gone. My ex husband used to beat me and threatened to kill me too. I took my children and ran as far as I could to get away from him, but it was the smartest and best thing I ever did. The longer you stay, the more dangerous it will be to leave. Take everything that man says seriously because they do mean what they say. You can outsmart him by raising your kids and enjoying your life without him. When you leave, don't give a forwarding address. Him being in jail will make this legal for you not to notify him. Do not let him know that you are thinking about leaving. This man is facing jail time and nothing will prevent him from spending the rest of his life there just to get back at you. Good luck and GOD bless you.
2006-11-28 03:58:45 · answer #1 · answered by cookie 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Get all documentation on him. When he goes to jail that is your best time for the divorce and to walk away. Because he will be in jail you can feel safe by getting you stuff out and your children without him flipping out and hurting your or them more. When you go to court for your divorce that is when the documantation comes in handy. Show the judge all records on how abusive he is get a restraining order for yourself and try to get supervised visitation (that might be hard if he has not hurt the kids). None the less do everything in your power to make it harder for him to see you and your kids. If he shows up to harm you...you should have everything in place so all you have to do is call the police. The will arrest him if he breaks anylaws. Don't go off you feelings. Go off of common sense! What he has done to you is extremely wrong and he should go to jail. He has deserved and earned that right. Move out of state too if possible and have it so he has to travel 100 % to see his kids. No 50/50. Also take full and sole custody.
2006-11-28 03:43:38 · answer #2 · answered by tjnw79 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
First,Get everything legal going you can get- including a court order to keep him away -you can always change that if he cools out. This is a good time to have someone who can help you get full custody of the kids(cause he looks bad right now) and with the divorce- if money is a problem- use a legal service to file- much less. If he has made threats like that in front of anyone- get awritten statement from them to share with the court- When you feel like you have the "ammo" then tell him and move- don't let him just get completely surprized- he could accuse you of taking the kids or something---You have quite a load to carry my girl- good luck and be strong! But yes, do what you need to do NOW!
2006-11-28 03:42:16 · answer #3 · answered by ARTmom 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Take this time to locate a shelter for battered women (enter on Google or Yahoo) in your state, and get set up for the transition.
Whatever possessed you to have three children with this monster is a mystery we'll never understand; I suspect that he prevented you from using birth control, wanting the children so as to control you.
Get out NOW! Do it right, and legally. Don 't leave the state without full court permisssion or you could be charged with kidnapping!
A shelter can help you with the legal matters.
2006-11-28 03:52:32 · answer #4 · answered by seeitmiway32 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Leave asap. If he has a history of physical abuse and it's documented, get a restraining order on him. File the divorce papers. Don't wait for something else to happen.
2006-11-28 03:38:41 · answer #5 · answered by tipper 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In general, I am opposed to divorce, but in cases like yours, I make an exception! Get out NOW, or as soon as possible. This guy has proven that he is violent. Speak with a lawyer about getting a restraining order for when he gets out. Move to a new place, don't tell him where you've gone, tell your family and friends not to tell him where you've gone, and insure the locks are in excellent working order. You have a responsibility to safeguard yourself and your children. Stay safe!
2006-11-28 03:44:33 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Leave him now!!!! DOnt wait till January. Go to your local police station and file for a protective order. There should be no reason it wouldnt be granted if he has threatened you like that. Get away while you can. Protect yourself and your kids before he hurts any of you.
2006-11-28 03:40:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would leave definately. Your kids deserve better. He could eventually hurt them as well as you. I know you're probably terrified. I dont know where you live but there are Battered Womens Shelters for abused women where you and your kids can go there and he wont be able to find you and your kids will be safe and they take care of you there. If you cannot find a place, go to a local church, and they'll help you find a safe place for a while. I hope I have helped.
2006-11-28 03:42:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
You can file for a divorce and get a restraining order against all at once.
My problem with your question is you say "he says he didn't do it, but my heart tells me he did" Are you saying he said he didn't hit you? You obviously would know if he hit you or not. Not clear what that meant.
Anyway, if he went to jail for hitting you, you will have not problem getting the restraining order.
2006-11-28 03:52:42 · answer #9 · answered by www.treasuretrooper.com/186861 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Go to your local district attorney's office and file for a protective order, call an attorney or a legal aid office and file for divorce, get your protective order and if he violates it, he will go to jail. LEAVE HIM NOW!!!!!!!! I cannot stress that enough. LEAVE NOW! Your kids and you deserve better than this animal who cannot even control himself enough to keep his family together. This is on HIM not YOU. YOU NEED TO LEAVE!
2006-11-28 03:56:36 · answer #10 · answered by FoxyFoxy, Kickass Drama Queen 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋