Is it wrong of me to make my husband sleep in another room?

Question

We recently had a baby in October and since the baby has been home he's slept in our bedroom. My hubby gets up for work at 4am so I suggested he sleep in the other room the first week or so, until I put the baby in his own room. It's been about 2 months now and I've found it very convient having the baby in the same room and I've enjoyed not listening to my husband's snoring. He's been complaining about sleeping in opposite rooms because he misses sleeping together (probably because we haven't had sex since before the baby came) and that the bed he sleeps in isn't comfortable but I still prefer him to sleep in the other room. I guess I am wondering if I am being selfish and is it wrong of me to continue making him sleep in the other room.

Answer 1

As a father myself, I would be extremely upset if my wife insisted I sleep in one room while she and my child are in another. Parenthood is for BOTH parents to experience, both the good and the bad that comes with it. By making him stay in the other room, you are robbing him of the chance to begin bonding with his child. If the only person who gets up when the child cries at night for feeding or changing is you, the child will only relate to you as a caregiver. Thats' from the parenting aspect.
From the spousal aspect, HOW DARE YOU! Did you ever stop to think that maybe it isn't the sex he misses, but the companionship and the feeling of falling asleep holding you or just feeling you near him? By confining him to the other room now that the baby is here, you are sending the message that his job is done (insemination) and that he is no longer needed or cared for. As for his snoring - buy earplugs. If it's your turn to get up with the baby and you can't hear it cry, have him wake you. Take them out when he leaves for work so you can then hear if the baby needs you. So yes, you are being selfish and robbing both your husband and child of much-needed affection and sense they are loved

Answer 2

Your bedroom is for you AND your husband. Your bedroom is NOT for your child. At 8 weeks its time for the child to be very close to sleeping through the night with maybe one feeding. At 8 weeks it is also time to let him back in the saddle. Its time for you to rearrange bedrooms and do it TODAY.
Let me tell you where this is going if you persist in this convienient situation. You have become a mother and that is great and fulfilling. But you have forgotten to be a wife because it is easier to be a mother now. That message says that your husband is no longer the most important male in the house. That attitude is a recipe for disaster. How long before he begins to wonder why he no longer gets affection from you? How long after that does he start looking for love in the wrong place? I think you already know what the answers are or you would not be asking this here.
I can tell you some things I believe are true. It is very easy to forget that you were a couple before the baby. It is also easy to overlook that you need to remain a couple after the baby. If you spend any time on this thread you will know what that causes.
Get back to marriage with the addition of parenting. If you become a parent instead of married you are doomed to divorce.

So yes, I think you are being selfish and to continue will harm your relationship.

Answer 3

Honestly, yes. You're being selfish.
You're in a relationship, and your husband is telling you that he has needs. Although convenient to have the baby in the same room, getting up in the middle of the night and walking 20 feet to the next room to feed and take care of your baby isn't a big enough hassle to possibly cause problems for you and your husband. You did after all, have a child out of love. It's better to keep the love in the relationship, and the stress levels down. Having a baby is stressful, why add to it?

Also, you're setting yourself up for future problems with the baby. Eventually, the baby will need his or her own room. The withdrawal from the baby could cause you some depression issues in the future if you don't give yourself some minor seperation now.

Answer 4

that sounds like something the 2 of you will have to work out. As a married couple, you should both consider each other in making your decisions. He made the effort to consider you and the baby during the first month, and now you should do the same for him in return. At some point, the child will be sleeping in another room.

Answer 5

Ok well let me say that I don't agree with a lot of people's opinion of cheaters. Yes 95% of the time I agree that someone who cheats will cheat again BUT that isn't the case for everyone. I think that you should look at the facts. Yes he messed up BIG TIME but he also admitted it right away. That shows he has integrity and didn't want to lie to you. He also showed remorse and was upset. I think that there are a few different kinds of cheaters. There are the cheaters who cheat because they can and they just do it, there are the cheaters who cheat because they are missing something from their relationship, and there are the cheaters who cheat once and it is the biggest mistake in their life and they learn from it and never do it again. It sounds like your husband falls under the last category. Since you don't want to divorce him then don't! I would recommend seeing a marriage counselor. I think it might help you get past some of these feelings and it will be in an environment where you both can be honest. As for work and him going out you will just have to explain to him that he has to earn your trust back. That you love him and know this was out of character but it doesn't change the way you feel. Explain that he needs to be in contact with you when he goes and keep up open communication. He also needs to avoid this girl AT ALL COSTS! Of course he works with her so it might be unavoidable at some points but they must maintain an purely professional relationship. If he is out with the guys and this girl shows up then he takes that as his cue to leave (he can do this without seeming rude). I think you are handling this well but I think you might be suppressing some of your true feelings. A counselor should help with that and maybe help improve your communication within the relationship and hopefully reduce your few huge blow ups.

Answer 6

I was the same way as you. And its better to get out of that habit now, because even though yeah, its easier to have the baby there at night to breastfeed, etc and not have to hear the hubby snore. It does take its toll on the marriage and I can honestly say its been probably almost 2 years since I've slept in the same bed as my hubby. We have sex all the time, but to him, cuddling with me at night and so on and so forth is just as nice and he feels so rejected because I literally "can't" stand to sleep next to him.
(unless Im drugged up on ambien and fall asleep before he does)

So, yeah it is selfish. and you should get back to sleeping with him. I'm trying to do the same thing because a friend pointed out to me that if anything were ever to happen to him, that sleeping next to him would be one of the things I missed and she was right.
good luck!

Answer 7

Not being a parent myself, I don't have your husband's perspective, but as a married man, I can tell you that - in this day and age - not sleeping in the same bedroom as my wife is not an appealing prospect. Physical intimacy, even if it's non-sexual, is absolutely essential to a successful relationship, and you want to remain happily married, don't you?

Your husband isn't going through all the hormonal changes you are right now, but the fact remains that he is 50% of the marriage. You have to put the baby in its own room eventually anyway. You really ought to consider letting him back in, at least as soon as your doctor gives the green light to start having sex again.

Answer 8

Yes you are being selfish. Your husband should be your partner in life. Don't push him away because you like the sleeping arrangement.

You orginally had the baby in the room (per your post) for only the first couple of weeks. Now, 2 months later...the baby is still there for CONVENIENCE.

Answer 9

Yes it's extreamly selfish to make him sleep on an uncomfortable bed after getting off work at 4 am. You can have the baby and your husband in the same room. It's not necessary to kick your husband out of the room. You just need to tell him to be extra quiet when he comes in the bedroom after work.

Answer 10

The first a week or so would have been okay but for 2 months???? I know it maybe convenient for the baby to be in the same room with you but it would be best to have to the baby start sleeping in his or her own room. You need to let your husband back in the bedroom otherwise he is going to start resenting you.