how much would you grade this essay?

Question

Interview
It’s amazing how you can think of people in a way and they turn out to be the exact opposite. Well, I interviewed an ambitious teacher she is also a charming wife. Mrs. Lana Neville. It was my pleasure to interview her. She was so supportive to answer the question with satisfaction and she was so honest.
The school and how she thinks of it were some categories of the questions that I asked. Mrs. Neville teaches grade one through grade 10. Wow! Most people barely succeed working with one grade. Personally, I really love the way she teaches and impressed of the skills she show us. So I inquired about the amount of years she taught. The answer was 10 years of computer teaching can you imagine how many classes that means? No wonder she has abilities and boundaries she can cross that hopefully we will at the end of this year.
There was some comedy too! When I questioned Mrs. Lana about what she wishes to do this year she mentioned that she wouldn’t want to go insane doing paper work. More over her believed that it would be much better if there was a private computer lab and lunch room for the boys so they would have to stay on the girl's area. On the other hand Mrs. Lana loves the school campus she thinks it is so colorful. Sincerely I think we should keep the campus clean in order to keep our school in a phenomenal look.
Unfortunately, there were some negatives in students. Mrs. Neville mentioned that kids don’t listen to instructions and they ask questions. That really bugs her. In addition she said that she is a little bit tougher to the boys then the girls because she has harder time communicating with them. Let's hope that doesn’t happen again for both Mrs. Lana and the boy’s sake.
Predictably Mrs. Lana told me that if she wasn’t a computer teacher she would defiantly be a graphic design teacher. There is something I always wondered about computer class. I wondered weather it matters or not if we had Information technology in the first or last periods. It turned out to be that it doesn’t matter.
People be ware! If you miss behave in class you’ll have a detention. So just keep it quite and don’t bother her. Mrs. Lana says she tries to be friendly with students but in the same time she likes to be strict in order to have good discipline in the classroom. Well Mrs. Lana ended her amazing way of introducing us to the real Mrs. Neville by telling us that she is looking forward for a astonishing year which hopefully will be so enjoyable for all of us.
Of course, I had really interesting time learning about this great educator’s life. Let’s all hope the absolute best for her. Hope that all of our expectation for this achievable year is high. Just don’t worry do your best and cravingly we will all succeed in this right path.

Answer 1

In all honesty, maybe a D. Your grammar, spelling, and composition are not very good.

It looks like you used a spellchecker, but did not proofread. Look at your next to last paragraph - "...she would defiantly be a graphic..." You probably meant "definitely" there. Next paragraph - "People be ware!" That's "beware".


For grammar, as an example, look at:

The answer was 10 years of computer teaching can you imagine how many classes that means?

Do something between "teaching" and "can". Make two sentences, use semi-colon, rewrite - something.

Also, if this is supposed to be an essay, the whole format needs to be revised, and the style must be more formal - no random "Wow" thrown in, no contractions except in direct quotes, no first person.

Answer 2

I'm wondering what grade you are in? If you are over sixth grade, I would give this essay a C-ish. There are too many spelling and grammatical errors to read it once. If you have to go back and read a sentence more than twice to understand and comprehend, the writer needs to do something. I would suggest you re-read it and fix all run-ons, incomplete sentences, spelling errors. Also, some of the wording is awkward. Was there a page/number count you had to reach? It seems as if you're stretching a bit. As far as an interview this story is much too focused on you rather than your subject.

"There was something I always wondered about computer class. I wondered whether (SP) it matters or not if we had Information Technology in the first or last periods. It turned out to be that it doesn't matter" I would change to something like:
"I asked Mrs Lana whether or not it matters if we have IT in the first or last periods. She told me it doesn't BECAUSE....xyz"

It's a great rough draft, and with a little work you could easily make it an A

Answer 3

Sorry to say, but I would actually give this "essay" an F. Here's why:

The language used in the "essay" is very informal, to the point of sounding conversational (for example, "That really bugs her" - it sounds very informal, which is unacceptable for standard essays).

What is the length of this "essay" meant to be? You haven't informed us what the required word length is. It could be anything from 1000 words to 3,000 words for all we know. Most of the essays I write are within the 2,000 - 2,500 word count range. So from what you've given us, it is an incredibly short essay (in my experience). Hardly even 500 words. The length of this written submission is more like reading a short article, though it's written like a short little story. This is NOT an essay.

There are so many grammar/typing mistakes I noted whilst reading, but the thing that got on my nerves the most was the informal language of the so-called essay. I was taught that essays are a formal, structured and extensive form of written expression. Structure is important with essays and you should have an opinion expressed on the subject of the topic, or offer a viewpoint on the subject. What I am reading here does not seem very structured at all. I agree with Dee - "The ideas are broken, disjointed, unclear". What point are you making with your essay? What is the point of all you have written? I don't understand the idea behind your little "story". There is too much self reference - as a rule with essays try to avoid using "I.." as much as you can. You have no coherent argument or opinion expressed in this written submission at all.

It is not even consistent: several times throughout this "essay", you alternate between calling Mrs. Lana Neville "Mrs. Lana" and "Mrs. Neville". Are we talking about one person or two people, or is this someone with a serious split-personality disorder, in the manner of Dr. Jeckyll and Dr. Hyde??

I would just refer to the person "Mrs. Lana Neville" at first, then as "Mrs Neville" there after.

I could go on. By the way, "cravingly" is NOT a word.

Answer 4

I would give it an A. There are a lot of grammatical errors in the paper which could make it look bad. But it doesn't really matter that this paper had some errors because you could still understand what the person was trying to say. However, it is quite hard to put a real grade on this since I don't know what the topic of the essay was supposed to be. If the person was just supposed to interview a person and write about it then the person deserves an A.

Answer 5

I'd give it a B-. There are grammatical errors and some of the thoughts seem more like opinions than facts. Also, tends to ramble on (inserting writer's opinion too often, and not to the better quality of the essay).

Answer 6

It's a structural nightmare. Too many spelling errors. Run on sentences, grammatical errors. I would give it a "D".

Answer 7

This is an essay?

You have no thesis. You make no argument(s). This is not an essay.

If our school systems are teaching children that the above is how an essay should be formatted and should consist of, then we're doomed!

Answer 8

I'm sorry but this is not well written. Too many errors, and way to many "I"s

Maybe a C

Answer 9

About a B you used too much of first person but if it was based on her then don't base it on you.

Answer 10

uhhh.. didn't read it, too long, but it looks good. i like the length of it. i'd give it an a