Any advice on how to get an 11 year old to stop lying?

Question

We have tried several different kinds of discipline. Restriction, extra chores, taking things away, but nothing seems to work. As he gets closer to being a teenager I worry that it will lead to other things.

Answer 1

tough luv. contact the local police dept & find out if they do any scared straight interventions. be open w/him about how the lies have damaged your relationship (anger, mistrust, frustration, etc.) Your job is to be his defender & you can't do it effectively if you can believe what he tells you. Don't stop trying to break him of this destructive habit. He will be a better person b/c of your efforts.

Answer 2

No, don't start lying to him or setting traps or some of the poorer advise you've been given already - the idea is you want to set an example for him to follow, not mimic his bad behaviour. If he's still lying after you punish him, then the punishment wasn't enough. Try an ongoing punishment until he proves that he's not lying anymore. For instance instead of no TV for a day, try no TV until he hasn't lied for a week. If he lies during the week, add another week and take something else away and don't give it back until that week is over and so on. If you really have taken everything away and he's not caring about getting any privileges back, ever, then it's time for counselling to see what the deeper issue is.

Answer 3

I have the same issue with my soon to be 13 year old. He has been lying for years. I used to punish him, take things away, ground him, put soap in his mouth - nothing worked. He wouldn't necessarily lie to get out of trouble - he would just lie. So what I began doing about a year or so ago is instead of asking him why he did something. I would tell him I knew and ask him why he did it. Don't set him up for failure because they will fail every time. So if you know he is lying about something - tell him you know he is lying and would appreciate the truth. You need to make him want to tell you the truth. By setting him up for failure that is what is going to happen over and over. By putting him on the spot and asking him why he chose to do whatever he is in trouble for puts the blame on him and makes him think about his choices. Don't get me wrong - my son Will still lie at times but I know when he is doing it and I just remind him that honesty is best and eventually the truth comes out.

Good luck and God Bless!

Answer 4

Lying is usually the sign of a very duplicitous and cynical individual. Traditional punishments, like restriction and extra chores, will just get these individuals rolling their eyes and trying a way to weasel out of the punishment. I don't have an exact course of action, but try to give him a taste of his own medicine or use reverse psychology. Eleven-year-olds tend to be very sharp.

Answer 5

How often do you tell lies? Could it be that your kid is learning it from you? When I was a child growing up I witnessed my parents telling lies on a regular basis to bill collectors, neighbors, people that they didn't like, pushy relatives, etc.. they would sometimes make me answer the phone and then tell me to lie to the people on the other end. I would sometimes get scolded for messing up the lie.. and then when I got caught in a lie by my parents, their response would always be to the effect of, "I cannot believe you LIED! Where on earth did you learn that? I surely didn't teach you that! I know.. it must be those fools on the street.. that's where you are getting that from! Why would you ever lie to me? WE DON'T TELL LIES IN THIS HOUSE!!!"

So that left me there totally confused. I mean I knew that telling lies was wrong. But subconsciously I learned that this was a good way to avoid trouble and to avoid dealing with adverse circumstances.

Answer 6

This seems to be the age that they do it these days, my son is turning 11 in a few months and has this same problem. What I started doing is actually acting like I know what he has done or said, and it baffles him making him have to tell us the truth because he has no idea that I was only suspicious and didn't know, but he thinks I sense these things, so it works.

Answer 7

When my daughter we 9 she was fibbing alot. What i did was tell her fibs right back I told her we were going to Disneyland the following day when she got up excited the day of I told her I was just fibbing. A coulple days later I told her I was going to make her favorate dish for dinner and when dinner time came we had her least favorate. After a few more fibs she got the picture I asked her how it felt and she said she felt like she could not trust what i said and she did not like that on bit. I told her now she knows how I feel. This could be fun and a real learning experience. OH yes and always pray for your child because if your not who is. Best wishes.

Answer 8

Well, let's say he lies and tells you that he has no homework, but in reality he does...
Play the lying game right back and use mind techniques.
Ex: Son: I have no homework. You: Okay, well why don't you study for a few hours instead. Son: On second thought, I think I might have a worksheet.
Good luck.

Answer 9

My 10 yr old daughter has done this for a long time.... recently we have found that if we punish her only for the lie rather than what she did that seems to help....she still gets the long discussion about what she did but she knows the real punishment is if she lies

Answer 10

The next time the child lies, tell the child u will put him under a lie detective test and the officer will come out to perform it.
That may wake the child up to tellin the truth.