Anyone else have built up anger?

Question

I am in 12th grade. Sometimes I think all the way back to 6th though and remember instances where I wish I had beat the s*it out of a kid for doing or saything something to me. At the time I don't know why I didn't. Mabey becaue I was afraid? well now I see some of these same kids who usta do **** and I can easily beat the **** out of all them. I have grown far more than they have and could crush them. Now since high school I've never have had a problem with anyone and been friends with a lot of people and haven't even bassically seen or hear from anyonme who I usta have a problem with since like 7th grade. I do have a problem though. I think I supressed all that anger for to long and I want revenge, especially since it would be so easy for me. I feel stupid though caring about such stupid things that happened soooo long ago that mean nothing now. How can I controll my anger?

Answer 1

I don't know what advice to give on controlling anger - but I know that anger is counter-productive.

anger uses up a lot of energy, which energy is not available for other things. specifically, positive things.

anger makes you unhappy - actually a lot of depressed persons display "built up anger" behaviour which is their own defense instead of displaying a "depressed, let it all go" behaviour.

so there you go, you have a choice between something that uses up a lof of your energy and thus prevents you from following more of the pursuits you like, and makes you unhappy. And unhappy people have less friends, less success at various things.


finally, you have to think about where that anger might take you. If you get, say, attacked and anger turns you into someone more courageous and stronger, allowing you to better defend yourself, then that's potentially useful. But if you were bullied years ago, and the people who bullied you back then have all gone / grown / changed, then your anger can never resolve itself into anything constructive.

Looks to me that you didn't "suppress that anger for too long", as you say - it is the opposite, you let yourself fall prey to that anger for too long.

Maybe you could try to FORCE yourself to do some of the positive things you are not able to do (because of all the energy spent on staying angry, and the unhappiness it causes you), for a few days. Maybe this would give you a glimpse into how much better your life might be w/o that anger.


what else can I add? I've seen many examples of:
- a relationship breaks up, one of the two persons feels devastated and takes years to fully recover. Time passes. A few years later that same person sees the other person again, by chance, and thinks: "gee she's not great at all, how can I have been stupid enough to spend so much time and energy being sad about having lost her?"
- someone gets bullied on and off at school, and remains angry at one of the bullies, and hopes that one day he'll get his revenge. The one day by chance he meets one of these old bullies, and the guy is short, has failed in life, is ugly, and the ex-victim can't help but feel sorry for him. And wonders why all the energy and anger spent on thinking he wanted revenge (also though I was never bullied at school, my theory is that bullies most of the time are people who somehow feel that they're below average, that they'll end up being failures, and so they kind of take the only chance they have to be better than the others in their life...)


Hope this helps a bit

Answer 2

You don't need to control it, but find a healthy way to release it. Like working out - running or using a punching bag is a great way to relieve some stress. Mentally you could just picture yourself beating up somebody and afterwards think about how you feel - maybe it's just the idea of it that will make you feel better. Also, go somewhere you can be alone and just scream. Sounds kinda silly, but it will feel great. If you feel yourself getting angry you can act on it without punching somebody in the face. Take a deep breath and either talk it out or just walk away. It's great that you are acknowledging this as a possible problem and are looking for ways to control it. Good luck.

Answer 3

All you have to do is wait. You're in 12th grade, which means you'll be graduating soon, and most of the people that did nasty things to you will no longer be a part of your life. I know what it's like to have people give you crap when you're younger, and I know that the anger you feel will pass when you're separated from these people. It's the same as falling out of touch with someone you love because of time and distance between you.

The obvious problem with your attitude is that you're bigger than they are, and now you want to bully them. It's been 5 years, give it a break. You don't want someone you beat up when you were a senior to put a bullet in you five years down the road, do you?

Answer 4

yes but it's O.K.