How do I deal with my fear of...?

Question

My husband and I have finally decided to start trying to concieve, which I am very exited about. But I have a fear that is taking over all my exitement and that is what if we can't... I dread the next months suspence as I wait to see whether or not I will get my next period or not. I know that sometimes it will take a couple months, I am afraid because I had gotten pregnant 2 years ago on accident and miscarried, I'm worried of it happening again or worse not being able to get pregnant. How can I overcome this fear?

Answer 1

Realize you cant control it. You HAVE to get over this fear, because the stress of wanting and fearing that you might not be pregnant will CAUSE you to not get pregnant, or to have an early miscarriage.

You can miscarry early on for any reason at all. During those first 12 weeks your body assesses the situation to make sure you can survive a pregnancy and deliver a healthy baby, BEFORE it commits to the pregnancy. If you have anything such as mental anguish, stress, emotional stress, physical stress, weight loss, weight gain, sickness, trauma, anything like that and your body will abort the mission as a means of protecting itself from what is thinks may become a deadly situation. It doesnt mean you have a problem staying pregnant, it simply means you had outside factors that you didnt know you had to avoid or control, or even ones that you couldnt avoid or control.

The more you act normal, and continue on your life exactly the same every day as you have all along, during the first trimester, the less likely you are to have stress related miscarriages.

You also need to STOP right now befor you even start this mess, and realize that you CANNOT MAKE YOURSELF PREGNANT. You have to give that up, and simply be pregnant.

Have sex, enjoy it, and get pregnant. Dont try to make it happen. Dont freak out because youre not, dont count days until a test, dont test everytime you're late, dont turn into a crying monster because you're not. That kinda thing only makes it harder and harder.

Iam not being mean, i HAVE been there before. I miscarried my first because of emotional stress caused by my aunts family. I was 6-8 weeks pregnant. After that all i wanted was to be pregnant, and it literally ate me alive. I cried everytime i got my period, for DAYS. It got to the place where i couldnt even enjoy sex, i was too busy trying to get pregnant. And for over a year i didnt get pregnant.

It wasnt until i swallowed my pride and took my mothers advise, "STOP TRYING". And i did stop trying. Completely. i just decided i wouldnt get pregnant, and we'd try again in a couple years and i'd focus on a new line of work and writing my book and just having sex for fun.

I was pregnant in a month.

Stop freaking out.

Answer 2

You seem to be in a troubled state and if you keep presenting that to others and overly talking about your problems then you will chase people away. A priest, medication and or a psychiatrist will either make you dependant on them, rip you off or further complicate your problems. You have to look at yourself and solve it yourself, no one knows you better than YOU. Develop your self awareness, but you cannot do this if you are thinking about yourself and your problems. Awareness starts with some home truths and being honest with yourself or you will end up fooling yourself. Please don't take this personally but people will get fed up of you playing a victim. People want to be uplifted not de-energised by negative self centred complaining. Fear is a thought is it not, fear has not happened yet, it is in the future. As you are reading this right now you are not in a state of fear are you? So fear is in the future and only arises when you bring that future thought into the present and you become unavailable to the beautiful moment. If you fear something like a job interview then you must practice, acquire knowledge and talk about it to others then your confidence will eradicate fear. Experience - knowledge -self confidence - fear subsides. Your past memories will always make you unhappy and disappointed because if you think of a happy memory you will soon long for that to happen again and therefore bring you down and become disappointed. And if you think of a bad memory then that will also obviously bring you down. It is the same with future thoughts as our expectations never turn out exactly as we plan them, which obviously brings disappointment. Stay with the present moment and accept what is rather than trying to change what is into something that is not. Deal with your past memories and jump forward in to the present without baggage so that you are light enough to walk on water. The past is dead, the future is imaginary happiness can only be in the eternal NOW moment. Why destroy your present happiness by a distant thought of misery, which may never come at all. If I did not think about my self would there be any self pity? Can I love if I am thinking about myself? Be a caring, loving human being who is more interested in others and doing good in the world. Where there is love there is no problem. Where there is no love the problem becomes complex.

Answer 3

Sometime thing like that just can't be helped but to help u feel better and to know u did what u could to make sure u did nothing to make it happen then go 2 the doctors and get a full checkup make sure u r in good health.get the FULL checkup u know what i mean go see the lady doctor and explain your fears and he or she will take all the proper precautions and make sure you r doing everything possible to avoid a miscarriage happening.When u had the miscarriage u should have asked if it was problems with your insides of your body that caused it?sometimes there is know reason which can make it difficult for some women n they end up blaming themselves.There is know need to blame yourself as long as u did everything you r to do in order to get pregnant and while u r pregnant.Good luck n an early congrads have faith n go see a paediatrician and gynaecologist.

Answer 4

I am going through a similar experience. I have been trying for 2 monthes and am still trying.... I just keep reminding myself that it takes most couples a minimum of 3 to 6 monthes. A very good book that was recommended to me here on yahoo answers by another member is TAKING CHARGE OF YOUR FERTILITY by Toni Weschler. I am finding the more I know the more confident I feel the it will all work out.

It is important to have realistic expectations about pregnancy. It could take awhile and there could be disappointments. But it will all work out one way or another (adoption is an option as are fertility treatments).

Good luck.

Answer 5

RELAX...... that is one of the best things you can do. I know of a lot of people that have had miscarriages but have also had a successful pregnancy afterwards. Actually, almost every person that I can think of has had a miscarriage. it is a very common thing, but that doesn't mean you won't ever be able to have a success. I know the suspense of wondering if you're going to get your period month after month is going to be stressful, but it's just something you're gonna have to do. Let me tell you a story....I know of this couple that tried and tried for years to get pregnant with no luck, they tried every infertility treatment possible, finally when they gave up and RELAXED, they found out they were pregnant.

Answer 6

I am so sorry to hear this. I as well miscarried my first pregnancy. I now have two beautiful and healthy children. To overcome this fear you have to realize that god is in control. If he feels you and your body are ready to handle a pregnancy then you will have a baby. You can't worry about the things you can not control. It will happen when the time is right for you. Good Luck!!

Answer 7

First and foremost relax and take it easy, your fear of miscarriage is only putting more stress on your body which is going to make it even harder to get pregnant. My best advice to you is to take up a hobby of some sort that will help take your mind off of getting pregnant. Or keep yourself busy to help to not think about it, the farther you put that worry in the back of your mind the less stress it is going to put on your body and the better your chances are, go with the flow, chart your ovulation and I suggest either getting Ovulation Predictor Kits or even invest in an Basal Body Thermometer that you can find at most drug stores and most Wal-Marts for anywhere between 6-12 bucks. Try to keep it where you only think about pregnancy if you are late for your period, have sex for fun don't turn it into a chore of NEEDING to become pregnant. Alot of women go through miscarriages I am one of them and I delivered a very healthy 9 pound baby boy shortly after that so please do not stress about it, although miscarriage is a commen fear for women when either becoming pregnant or trying to become pregnant the best you can do is just not think about it, when it is your time to have a baby you will get the baby you want and carry it to term. if after a year of trying you have not yet conceived, speak with your doctor about possible fertility treatments to help assist you with pregnancy!! I wish you the best of luck and hope all goes well for you and remember DON'T think about it just have fun baby dancing with your husband and make sure to keep it fun spice it up a bit for him to keep it fun. BABY DUST TO YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 8

It is perfectly normal to worry. I don't know if you can over come this fear. If you have faith than use that. It will help you to be patient and understanding that God makes things happen for a reason. I wish the best for you and if you ever need to talk, you can always e-mail me.

Answer 9

Calm down.
Find some quiet time and remember the greatest things of your past.
Think of everything that you're looking forward to concerning your baby.
Don't think of it as "if I conceive" think of it as "when I conceive" and that'll help.
Think of baby names and get all prepared for your little one. Mentally, that is.
I hope I helped. My sister has a child but that was not her first attemp at conceiving. She too had a miscarriage. If you need any other help just email me.

Answer 10

relax when the body becomes stressed it works against getting pregnant so relax and enjoy making the baby .......i had a miscarriage with my first pregnancy and i now have four kids had them with now problem at all so relax enjoy don't try to hard when you least expect it you'll have one cookin in the oven ...........good luck