I am 33 weeks pregnant with my third child. She's my husband's first. He wants me to try having "one more" after this baby is born. I don't want any more kids, and have signed the papers to have my tubes tied. I love my husband dearly, but should I forget the tubal and have another baby just because he wants a son? He says he didn't say anything at the time I signed the papers, because he didn't want to make me mad or make me feel like an incubator.
For the record, I don't want anymore kids. And rude answers are not appreciated.
2006-11-28 01:39:16 · 24 answers · asked by I_didn't_do_it 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
All of you make really good points. As for the guy who said, wives be subject to your husbands, I don't think that meant having a herd!! Anyway, I appreciate it.
2006-11-28 01:55:53 · update #1
Wait til after your birth and decide then
2006-11-28 01:46:49 · answer #1 · answered by Rachalz 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If it is his first child, surely he dosen't know all of the "fun" stuff you have already endured with the other two! I would make a deal with him. I would say, agree not to talk about the subject until this baby turns 2 or 3. Make a age that suits you both. Then, you both have time to enjoy this baby, and will have time to figure out what you both really want to do. Maybe he will see, wow, this IS a handfull! Or you may say, gee, I really want another one. But I would set a futuristic date to sit and talk about it, and Then, get the tubes tied. At that point, you both may agree on something, so no bad feelings will be hanging there. In the mean time, get MIRENA IUD after having this baby. The rates are actually higher on your side that tube tying, and it lasts 5 years. I have it, and we will be sittig down for this talk in 6 more months. So I am there with ya girl! Good luck! Oh- and our deal is, I have 4 1/2 more years of the Mirena If we can get financially stable, and everything before then, I will bear the master another clone. HOWEVER, if he does not, tube tying party for me!.
2006-11-28 01:49:33 · answer #2 · answered by big mommasweeta 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
So....I never wanted any kids. I got pregnant, and I had a beautiful daughter who brightens our world! But when I saw the look on my husband's face when I began talking about a tubal or him fixed, I couldn't take it. He explained he wanted more kids, son or daughter didn't matter, but he wanted to be a daddy to another one. He let it drop, but I saw the look in his eye when he would hold her, and he would whisper daddy's only little girl. It broke my heart! The day I told him I would have another baby.....I thought it was like he won the lottery! He called his mom and brother and told them we were trying for another! The next day he bought me 2 dozen pink roses "just because" and I knew from the look he made and how exicted he was I did the right thing. I am glad I am pregnant again! I just think when you love someone as much as I love him, somethings are worth it. I mean if he helps with the baby, and everything why not? I guess you could talk to him about adoption too. Maybe think about it more and wait until AFTER you have this baby to make this decision. When the baby is pressing your bladder, pinching nerves, makeing you tired, giving you backaches and we won't mention the hormones......maybe it's not the BEST time to make that desicion. Good Luck! I hope you make the right decision for your family either way!
2006-11-28 01:48:32 · answer #3 · answered by angie_laffin927 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you in making this decision. You did not state how old you are so I will go out on a limb. Do you think it possible to delay your tubal until you & your husband are able to discuss this further. Right now there are a lot of stressors on both of you. Does waiting until after this child is born & things settle down seem reasonable to you. Tubals can be reversed but not aleays & are very expensive. You may come to realize later that you might want more kids in the future. Just a thought. Best of wishes to you both.
2006-11-28 01:51:05 · answer #4 · answered by U can't b serious 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would reconsider the tubal. One, it has caused MANY problems for woman who have had this procedure later down the road. Two, you may feel differently when you are not hauling around 50 pounds of baby. Three, talk with him. Maybe take a year to decide, then if you still are firm, have him get a vasectomy which is easily reversable. You never know what the future will hold and you have to consider that. I know many who have regretted it later...either because of a death of child or a new marriage, or simply in a couple years they changed their minds, especially if you are young when you first make the decision.
2006-11-28 01:59:24 · answer #5 · answered by twincerelymel 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would have to figure that the real reason he wants a son ( I can only assume you are having a daughter) is because he wants his name to live on. If a son got married, he keeps his last name, a daughter usually gets a new last name, although in this day and age a lot of women keep their last name and don't get the husband's last name. It is not a law that the woman has to change her last name to the same as the husband's. If this is not the reason, he probably just wants a child that he can teach 'how to be a man'. I would then have to suggest that he join a big brother program, or maybe adopt. The decision to have the child rests with YOU. He can't force you to have another child, and your opinion is the only one that counts.
2006-11-28 01:48:47 · answer #6 · answered by defrost1983 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I went through this. When I was pregnant with my 3rd, my husband suddenly started pushing for a vasectomy. I wanted 1 more, but he was done. With alot of crying and sleepless nights, I agreed to sign the papers. On the day he had it done, I remember asking him if he changed his mind or if he had the surgery. He had. I cried myself to sleep that night after he had gone to bed. I mourned that 4th child I'd never get to hold. Needless to say, that first year of my 3rd child's life was rough. Every so often I'd ask him about a reversal, but he'd never agree. Then this year he said yes, while he was in Iraq. I broke down and bawled like a baby in joy that I'd finally get my 4th child. He just had his reversal and we are having lots of fun now trying for that baby. It was a long four years, but he eventually said yes. I didn't drive him crazy, I'd just bring it up a couple times a year.
I know you feel done, but I understand his desire for another child. For both of your sakes, I'd recommend that you get an IUD after the birth and give it some time. But make sure he'd be ok with a boy of girl. Tell him you are willing to consider the idea, but you need him to show you how much he's willing to pitch in with this 3rd child. In 2 years you still might be strongly against a 4th. But at least you would have given yourself and him time to decide. I think its fair to at least consider his side. If he's a good father and helps alot with the baby, it will take alot of stress and pressure off you. You might even decide later to have 1 more. But speaking from experience, pregnancy is a bad time to make that choice if you don't both agree.
2006-11-28 01:49:51 · answer #7 · answered by Velken 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Goodness...I feel for both of you! Perhaps you guys need to prioritize this issue and maybe even get a third-party (non-biased) person involved...a psychologist or marriage counselor to deal with this asap!
It worries me that your hubby didn't say anything to you (now that it's at the last minute...argh! men!) Now there is so much more pressure with the timing...
I would suggest that you listen to each other openly and with understanding, but, at the end of the day...it is still your body and you are most likely the one who will raise the baby if anything ever happens to your marriage. If you find out why having a son (that he is not guaranteed to get anyway) is so important to your hubby, then maybe you guys can find alternatives...daughters are just as good as sons...they can even carry on a family name, if you are creative :) Maybe he can take a fatherless boy in your community/family under his wing...there are lots of options for him. Try to think of them ALL before making a decision, though.
Good luck to you & your family
2006-11-28 01:49:59 · answer #8 · answered by єЖтяα ¢яιѕρψ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you both should compromise. Agree to wait two years and see how you feel in two years. Who knows, you might be dying to have another baby by then and he might change his mind. I don't think right after having a baby is the time to be rushing and making such a harsh decision such as having a tubal ligation - too many hormones! I really think you should wait, either a year or two, THEN decide. Good luck! :)
2006-11-28 02:15:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may want to put off the tubal for a little bit and get an IUD and after a while see if you still feel the same. Even your husband could change his mind after the baby comes. Just put it off for a little bit then decide.
2006-11-28 01:50:56 · answer #10 · answered by Coffee Lover 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
First off, good luck with your coming delivery... hope you, your child and your husband weather that well... am sure you will.
On the other score, what you want to do and how you feel about another pregnancy should be the governing factor... it's not selfish of you to want no more kids.
Talk to your husband after the birth of # 3 / 1 and explain your reasons and your reservations. He'll understand.
Take care
2006-11-28 01:49:23 · answer #11 · answered by decodoppler 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋