Is my husband afraid of hurting me with a divorce?

Question

Hi Everyone.

I left my husband 4 years ago whilst i was going through some pretty awful depression. I needed to get away from what i knew not. We stayed friendly, living apart but we never discussed it. He went off with another woman when he thought i wasn't coming back. I was very awful saying things i didnt really mean. He decided we needed to divorce over 2 years ago but he still hasnt instigated it. He is still with the other woman but he has told me that he won't commit to her, yet he does nothing about talking things over with me either.

We meet up to take our 3 gradnchildren out every Saturday and share all presents for both families. He knows that i would like us to get back together or to just talk but it doesnt happen. I feel like i'm living in limbo, just as he did when i left him. I don't need a man but i do truly love my husband.

I suffered a mental breakdown when he left. Is he afraid to hurt me more by divorcing me? why won't he talk? many thanks

Answer 1

Okay, I would have a heart to heart conversation with him to hear how he feels or what he wants to do, now if he seems like he is just not interested, please move on with your life. He has a companion and really does not have to worry about much, and he has no reason to divorce you since he is not getting married anytime soon!

Answer 2

Mental illness is a very hard thing for outsiders to understand. For him you maybe became someone he didn't know anymore and although he still loved you, you became unpredictable. Part of him may feel as though he's treading on eggshells maybe even feeling an element of guilt or wondering whether he drove you to experience what you did.
The best way forward maybe for you to sit him down and talk openly and honestly to each other, it sounds like there is still love and respect there so this shouldn't be a problem.
Tell him how you feel, your both too mature to be playing games. Even if he doesn't feel the same at least you will know that you let him know and there will be no more 'what ifs?'
From both perspectives, having answered questions and having your own answered you'll be able to draw a line and start a fresh, whether it be as a couple or not.
Either way it sounds like you both have a life long friendship, treasure it, whatever the outcome.
Good luck.x

Answer 3

Maybe you havent talked about anything in depth since the breakdown, its hard for those who dont understand and he maybe felt like he had failed you in some way, or blamed himself,for some of the things you went throughYou need to know for both of your sakes where you stand, and should discuss what you both feel and make a decision. Perhaps he is afraid that you might react badly to the divorce and doesnt want to hurt you. If you stay strong and are willing to accept that he may want one than you can move on, and still remain civil.

Answer 4

If u feel too uncomfortable to initiate a conversation about your relationship, maybe suggest to him a marriage counselor before u finalize your divorce This might help u to both get to the bottom of your feelings. He may actually feel the same way you do, but you'll never know unless u or a counselor asks him. If he doesn't (want to get back together) at least it would provide some sort closure, and allow u both to move on w/ your lives. Good luck and hang in their.

Answer 5

Well this really seems like a hard situation, and I'm sorry you are going through it. It's also hard for me to know what your hubby is thinking, since I don't know him personally, but I'll give you my thoughts...

My first instinct was that he's afraid to commit to his new woman. He's probably still hurting badly over the breakup of your marriage, that he fears every marrying again. He wants to love this new woman, with no commitment or attachment. And is probably thinking that if things don't work out with her, he'll still be married to you, and you two can easily get back together.

I know that sounds awful, and I hope I'm wrong, but that really was my first gut instinct. I think it's time for you to give an ultimatum and act upon it, see what he does. I wish you the best.

Answer 6

He is not divorcing you because he has the best of both world's. He has the comfort and support of a wife and family life and the excitement and spontaneity of a girlfriend.
I don't know anyone that would be Gung-Ho to give that up easily.

You have to make a decision to either allow this to carry on or file for divorce yourself and force an end to it.

Good luck whatever you decide.

Answer 7

maybe he hasn't done it yet because if he is married he can't fully commit to his girlfirend but if he doesn't talk to you then he doesn't have to work things out either i think he is playing you like you did him when you left.it has been 4 years give the man a divorce and let it be that doesn't mean you can't still get together with the kids and grandkids or talk but you need to get a divorce .and why would it hurt you ya'll haven't been together in so long and he has a girlfirend

Answer 8

Erm why dont u talk to him? U can arrange a meeting and bring up the subject

Answer 9

i think u took the lead for the first stage so he may be expectig u to take the lead for the final stage to , this way or that . y cant u start the dialogue on this topic with him ?

Answer 10

If I was you I would move on.Show him you have made a new life
it might help you to get him back.Good Luck