How many times?

Question

I expose myself OVER and OVER for this man. . .
I do love him. . .
But, tell me, is it crazy for me to let him back in knowing he'll never love me the way I NEED to be loved?
We all know the feeling. . .longing to be with the person you love. . .
He doesn't long for me. . .and I need to know I'm longed for. . .
So tell me. . .
Do I risk letting my heart break in the hope that he is back in my life because somewhere, deep within himself, he is in love with me? Why else would he come back after 9 months of separation saying he still loves me?

Will I loose my dignity?
Will someone care?
Will I wake tommorrow. . .
from this nightmare?

What can I say to make him realize how he makes me feel without coming on to strong????

Opinons please. . .

This is my life. . .and I need advice.

Your all telling me what I should do. . .

But, nobody here knows how to do it. . .do they?

Answer 1

I think the first person who replied got it right--you are in a position of weakness now, and no good can come from that. You need to tell this"man" that you need and deserve better than he has to offer, and that you wish it was somehow different, but the fact is, it never will be different, and you just can't live like that. If you keep doing the same thing, why do you think the results will be different? They won't.

You need to make a clean break from this person, do your grieving, and move on to someone who will offer you the kind of life you need for your own happiness. You may feel you love him, but he sure doesn't love you--if he did, why would he treat you like that? You're his go-to. You're someone he knows will be there at the drop of a hat for him, he has to do nothing to earn your trust, love, care, anything. You've already compromised yourself to the point where his respect for you is over, and this is the result. Stay away from this man. He is poison--look at the way he makes you feel about yourself--that is NOT the way your love should make you feel.

Answer 2

It is crazy, absolutely, if you let him back in with the full knowledge that he will never love you the way you want to be loved, you are just setting yourself up for a self induced fall. Everybody deserves that 'chemistry' and doesnt want to be someones second choice.. the thing with him coming back after 9 months? maybe he does love you, or maybe he knew that you would take him back then leave you again when times get hard or meets someone else. Dont worry about coming on too strong, this situation (and knowing the truth) is extremely important to you so say what you have to say.. and ask him (not demand) what his motives are and what are his feelings towards you. If you know the guy reasonably well Im sure you will be able to tell if he is being genuine and honest with you.

Answer 3

1. You do not lose your dignity for letting someone know how you feel towards them,
2. If you really love him, then whatever you do cannot be wrong.
What i'd really like you to do is take a deep breath, slow down and look deep inside yourself for the answer you need. I do not know this person you are in love with, i do know that sometimes we love alone, i know that guys can be headstrong and hide their feelings, but the only way of knowing for sure what's going on in his heart is to ask.
Just be careful and not idealize a person, which sometimes will happen when you have been by yourself too long. If after all you find out you really love him, do what your heart tells you to. It's better living with a broken heart than living full of regret your whole life.

Answer 4

I got some very good advice that proved to be true later in life, I had an Ex of 9 years and We broke up 2 times, and the second time i said i was in love with her because i was combfertable with her, not because i really did, The advice was that, when you break up with someone, after that first time it will never be the same again, and shure you'll get back together but it maybe for 6 months like it was for me, and then you'll break up again and it will keep getting shorter and shorter as time goes on... Im just saying that it really isnt worth it if his heart isnt in it.

Answer 5

If he loved you "the way you wanted to be loved" you wouldn't be asking any of this. I say move on. There are more men out there. Everything happens for a reason, and maybe because you are not meant to be together. My ex husband was the same way and now I'm married to a man that longs for me the way I long for him! You can't say anything or do anything to change him. If the chemistry is not there, it's not there. I say move on. Good Luck.

Answer 6

The hardest person we ever have to battle is ourselves.

He may have feelings for you and that may scare the bee-jesus out of him. He may be resisting or hesitant and may need time to come to a realization that he truly cares for you. I think patience would go a long way in this situation. If you push too hard he may push back or "fight" it even more.

To answer one of your questions: YES you risk having your heart break. You have to be vulnerable and you have to be afraid of losing him altogether. You have to put it on the line in order to let him know that you are vulnerable as well BUT that you are willing to take that chance because he means that much to you.

Only you know deep down inside if this is THE man for you. Only you know if it is worth the short term pain for the long term payoff of having him for yourself, the way you want and need him to be and whether or not things will work out to your satisfaction.

Best of Luck and hang in there!

Answer 7

if it has been 9 months, don't go backwards.
get a good book, get some new friends, start excercising, get a new hobby, go on a vacation. there are a lot of things you can do to take your mind off of him. dialog and grieve for the relationship, so that you can get over it. never settle.

Answer 8

Actions speak louder than words. If he says he loves you but keeps leaving you, that isn't love.
He'll keep coming back as long as you keep taking him back.
Only you can decide what you are willing to settle for.

Answer 9

I can't make up my mind if you are wanting too much attention or are not mature enough for a relationship. Maybe it is him. If you are not getting what you want from this, dump him and someone will show up some day that will feel like you expect them to. It sounds like you are miserable and that is not what love does for you.

Answer 10

Well sweet heart just tell him that if he wants you back then he is going to have to earn you love back. Because from what you are tell ing me you really do love him and hes treating you like crap. So just tell him how you feel and if he doesnt change then hes not worth your time.
Aimee