only answer if you have been through a painful separation, PLEASE?

Question

My girlfriend that i have two children with has left me. she claims that it's over forever and the truth is.....it's probably true. this is one of the most painful experiences that i've ever had. lots of emotions. can someone who's been in my place give some advice on how to cope with this pain and get over this woman and still be a good dad in the process. i just don't want to hurt anymore. thanks

Answer 1

My wife and I divorced when our sons were 5 and 2 1/2. It was a miserable experience. The divorce was painful because I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere anymore. There was no normality. Even more painful was not being with my sons everyday. The hurt will not disappear overnight. You probably don't want to hear this but it just takes some time. One thing that will help is to maintain a civil relationship with your ex, but while the hurt is still there try to restrict your conversations to the children. As for the children, do whatever you can to make sure you have as much time with them as you possibly can. Focus your energy on making sure they know you want them around and that your home is also their's and they aren't just visitors. I know the pain you are feeling and my heart goes out to you. This won't make the hurt go away completely, but it does give you something to sort of hang-on to that is positive.

Answer 2

I wish there was an easy way to put this, but there isn't. Breaking up is called that because that's what happens. We break down and re-evaluate ourselves. The first emotion is anger which has brought you to the pain stage. The next stage is the healing. Please skip the blaming stage for that isn't good for you or the children. We have all been down this road and most can assure you that it will get better. Just don't dwell on what could have been. Just keep in mind all the bad things that did happen. You will realize this was the smartest thing that either of you did. Now you can both find the people you should have been with and finally realize that love doesn't need to hurt. Good luck and GOD bless you.

Answer 3

First understand, that your children are hurting even more than you believe or not. Concentrate on them and step up to the plate where their emotions are involved. It's a hard thing to have someone walk away from you, but you can't allow yourself to be self absorbed at this point. It sounds harsh, but that is one thing that will help you to take the focus off of yourself and put it onto your children.

Too many times the person is concentrating on the person that walked away, rather than the children.

Give yourself time to "grieve" for the relationship that you lost with this person, but accept the fact that it will never be again. Your children will always be your children and will need your love and emotional support.

You and her will eventually find another. Your children however, will always be looking to the both of you to be their parents; even separately.

Hope this helps.

Answer 4

Only time will stop the pain. You have to stay busy. YES YES keep being a good dad to your kids. Take them places, read to them, play games, go to the park, the zoo, out to eat. Kids just love attention and they will need it when going through a separation no matter what age they are. But only time will stop your pain. It is very hard going through a separation but you will make it. Everything happens for a reason and I'm sure the right woman will come along for you. It just takes time. SO Stay busy! Good Luck!

Answer 5

It is going to take time, and you may never fully get over the loss of the relationship. You need to keep in mind that there are children involved and they deserve you to be the best father you can be. A loss of a relationship is much like the loss of a loved one when they die. We grieve, you must allow your self to feel the loss and realize it will not be a life time thing. You can fall in love again and probably will. However, in the mean time focus on what is best for the children. Good luck and God bless****

Answer 6

The only thing that is going to help heal the hurt is time. Focus on being there for the kids, spend time with friends and family, and try to keep yourself busy.
Please don't rush out and get involved with someone new, you will just be asking to have the new relationship tank when your unresolved hurt and anger back up on you.
Get through one day at a time, and keep telling yourself "It WILL get better"

Answer 7

Focus on yourself and what you want for yourself. Go out with other women, even if you don't want to. The dates can just be friendships, but friends are important. You need someone to talk to and you need to stay busy. Don't sit around and feel sorry for yourself. Believe that it being over is for the best. Believe that you will be happy again.

Answer 8

I have been here, no kids though. What got me to move on was to join a gym, meet new people, positive people. You need to get into shape, look better, feel better. Jus don't make mistake again, meet another chick down the line, but just hang out, have fun. Fun is what got me to move on, you'll see what I mean.

Answer 9

I WENT THROUGH THE SAME THING
MY EX AND I CAN STILL TALK
WE HAVE TWO KIDS
I DID NOT RE MARRY
AND I FEEL GREAT
ENJOYING EVERY MINUTE OF IT
GOOD LUCK TO YOU
TRY TO STAY FRIENDS
THAT WILL BE GOOD FOR THE KIDS

Answer 10

You're probably going to have to start dating someone new. That's what I always did when something like this happened. Surround yourself with friends.