Exhausted and worried about parenting, new mom?

Question

I have an 8 week old baby and I wonder if many others feel like me? I felt regret the first 4 weeks, and now I am much more bonded with the baby so I feel more guilty for feeling that way. I dont regret it anymore but I do keep craving my former life where I was carefree and spontaneous. Last evening my husband and i went for dinner without the baby and all I could think was that I wish i could go back after a nice meal and crash out in bed without any other worries. When do things start feeling more normal again? Anyone?

Answer 1

My kids are twenty and nineteen now, but I remember the exhaustion when they were eight weeks old. Remember that your hormones are also trying to find a level at this time.

Your life will never be the same. Someday, and believe me it will come sooner that you think, you will be the mother of grown children. they won't need you so much. However I am learning that there are always people to take care of: spouses, parents, neighbors, grandchildren, etc. Seeing to the needs of others is just part of growing up. something I think we do later and later in our culture, if we do it at all.

I also believe that when our babies are about two months old, we realize that we are not going to be the perfect moms we planned on being. I don't know about you but I spent a part of my childhood and most of my pregnancies planning the kind of mom I would be. I think, emotionally, we have to grieve fo he perfect family we created in our own minds. I actually have helped a few young women that I mentor hold funerals for their fantasy families. I found when I let go of my unrealistic ideas of motherhood then real motherhood became normal.

Make three decisions. One: Choose to enjoy every stage of your child's life, don't let anyone scare you about particular ages. Every stage has its own special blessings. Two: somehow someway find time for yourself and time for your husband. Three: Decide what your long term parenting goals are and reevaluate them regularly. this sounds crazy but it is important. I decided I wanted my children to be emotionally whole, spiritually mature, competent adults. The days I focused on the long term goal i found much more reward and didn't waste as much time worring about the things that don't matter in the long run. This kept me out of survival mode. There is nothing more exhausting and less rewarding then trying to survive until bedtime everyday. When I fouced on the long term, I looked for little opportunities to build toward the adults I prayed my children would be. Be as intentional in you parenting as you are or would be in your career.

Sorry for such a long answer but you asked a big question. Be blessed as you enjoy this great adventure.

Answer 2

I have a 13 week old and TOTALLY understand. I went to answer you, then came across "dmjrev"s answer...wow. I have copied and pasted it into a separate doc and will probably read it every day.
I am exhausted, worried, guilty, craving my previous life, etc....and completely in love with my daughter. I'm afraid all the time that I'm missing the joy because I sometimes get too focused on the fact that I'm tired, worried, guilty, need to get a zillion things done, adequate sleep (ha ha), etc. etc. It can be an endless crazy mental cycle...in the meantime your child is changing and smiling and discovering before your eyes and you're not seeing it.
I know this isn't an "answer" per se but I hope it helps to know there are people out there that can relate. You're not alone! Give yourself a break and some time...your perspective will change. I promise. I still feel all the things you described, only less and less every day. I miss her even when she's taking a long nap! Hope this makes sense and helps you even a little.

Answer 3

I felt completely messed up for the first month. I couldnt just run and do things like I used to be albe to do them before. I still get a little pissy at times and sometimes a little depressed but not very often and not for long, my baby is 11.2weeks old. It probably takes a couple months of adjustment, and though I get so sick and tired of cleaning, laundry, and dishes, and bottles all the time I spend some time with my baby and focus on all the good things, and how much I love her and how I would never change anything if it meant she wouldnt be here. It can take a while to get used to. When you are more confident in your abilities as a mom and when your baby starts to be less demanding with in the next few months and you can sleep through the night you may feel a bit better. What helps is if you can get out mabye twice or three times a week on your own to do what you want then that will help immensly...it helps me to get out and go to the gym or get a massage and go shopping just on my own so I feel like I have a life left to live too. It would probably be best for your mental health.

Answer 4

You are absoltely normal. It's a difficult time having a baby, adjusting your life, things take 100 times longer, you get not a lot of sleep, not a lot of time to yourself, the state of your house gets on your wick, the new Grannies get on your wick...the list is endless. We're just hormonal, all over the shop Mummies and it's OK. If it becomes a problem and you are worried have a quick chat with your Health Visitor..sometimes it can move into a bit of Post Natal Depression (which again is quite normal for a large percentage of women...even though we still don't share these thoughts...you are not alone).

You have a really new baby and 8 weeks is no time, so don't fret, sleep when you can in the day when the baby is asleep, in the evening whilst the baby is asleep, a bit of fresh air to show off that new baby and proud Mummy does good (as long as your all wrapped up) and just settle down and look forward to your first Christmas.

Any day now that baby will look you straight in the eye and you will realise what it's all about....good luck with it all...your fine though. (hope this helped!!!)

Answer 5

I have 2 little boys, the oldest is 2 and the little one is 7 months old. I still wish sometimes that I could just have a life with no kids then I look at my kids and wouldn't change it for the world. Being "normal" again is different for everyone. You may sometimes wish you didn't have kids but keep in mind that the first few months of adjusting to your new life is going to be hard. It's all worth the sleepless nights when you first hear your child say muma and the way they grab your finger. Don't worry about how you feel now cause in a few months you won't even be thinking the same way.

Answer 6

Sounds like you may have a touch of postpartum depression. Things will start to settle down when your baby starts sleeping through the night, anywhere between 3-6 months or so. I know it sounds like an eternity but really I promise it will go faster than you think. When your baby settles into a more predictable routine and is sleeping through the night you will be able to enjoy evenings with your husband more often. I have two children that I love more than anything in the world but there are still times that I wish for freedom too. For me to go out with my husband I have to find a sitter for TWO kids (not always easy) and then even when I'm out then I wonder how the kids are...it's a vicious cycle LOL. Just hang in there and things will get better :)

Answer 7

When your exhausted you start to feel a whole bunch of things like maybe even regret....but deep down inside you know you don't regret your baby....the life you had before is gone and is never coming back...but you will start to adjust to your new life..after awhile once you get into the swing of things it all becomes second nature...and not sleeping as much as you'd like and not being able to do anything without revolving it all around your baby does become your "normal life" point is..you get used to it being this way it's easier once you except it's going to be this way but it does get better remember they grow and it gets easier...

Answer 8

Your motives of exhaustion could be from stressful alot - fairly in case your husband is in Iraq. Have u been feeling under pressure, approximately residing with your dad and mom, funds, something you have been thinking alot approximately. Are u dozing properly at night, if no longer this could be the reason on your exhaustion besides. once you get a wreck for your self, try doing something somewhat extra relaxing- stay faraway from the paying for which could be stressful with the crowds and ignorant human beings obtainable - try going to a e book/espresso keep come across a e book on a thank you to kick back - or start up a artwork out application, seek for something relaxing and exciting for u to do. solid luck.

Answer 9

Never!!! It gets easier as they get older, but if you crave your former life now, you will for a long time to come yet. I have a 10 year old and a 3 year old. My older child was relatively easy to deal with, but add a new baby on top of that and it's a whole different ball game. My older one was able to help a lot, but the baby has been tough to adjust to. He is the love of my life, but the pain in my neck too. It will get better, life is never going to go back to normal, but you will adjust. Just roll with it and enjoy the free time you DO get.

Answer 10

I was like that a little bit when mine was newborn, and I think every parent has that when they first have babies, because it completely throws life up in the air...however, as time goes on, you learn to involve the baby in everything you do. My little girl is now 16 months old, and when i do dusting she has her own cloth, and helps me. When we go out for lunch, she sits there good as gold and eats with us, obviously early mornings wont stop for a long time, but apart from that, they learn that they can integrate with everything your doing.

Most people have screaming babies and dont realise they are bored.

Honestly, it won't take long soon it will feel like u didnt have a life before the baby! I now wonder what I ever did before I had mine, and dunno how I'd occupy myself if she wasnt around!!

Congrats by the way!