Why are women always made to feel that they have to do and be everything?

Question

Having spoken to my friends most of them feel guilt for something..kids staying at home working cookiing cleaning, better lover thinner fatter prettier. I'm even prone to it and beleive me I am not a conventioanl woman even if I do have a conventional life!!! Why do we still beleive all the c**p we are fed..why arent we more able to say no to the stereotypes forced upon us?

I beleive it is the right of every woman to be and do whatever she would like and there is honour in the choices she makes whether it be to stay at home or have a career or do both. think there may be a low level conspiracy to make women feel guitlyin order to keep them running round like headless chickens to keep everyting together. Dont get me wrong I love my life I jsut wish that it wasnt such a 'joke' that men can do more than one thing at once and that women 'have' to be the caretakers and emotional barometers most of the time.

I think you may be missing my point A....!! Thanks for the reply but my behaviours are a result of choices, what I am hightlighing is the expectations placed on women in a modern society and the lack of any real change to the understanding of the complexities and difficulties that this can thrown up. If my choice is work or dont eat I will work...Incidentally I personally didnot have children to stop myself from being lonely or to have something to talk about! I reckon you have some issues and prob dont hve children! Best of luck to ya!

Absolutely women are at fault, I agree with that, but pressures prevail. I think if men had periods then the world would shut down for a few days every month and as for childbirth it would be held up in reverence and be almost godlike! lol

Answer 1

The only person who can lay this guilt on you is yourself. Just realise that you're wonderful the way you are and ignore anyone who tells you different.

We're all human and everyone makes mistakes - even those we're encouraged to believe are "perfect".

Don't feel guilt for the things you can't do or don't have, try and concentrate on the things you do have and you can do. You'll see that people love you for who you are, not what you can give them.

(not a bible basher by the way) ;-)

Answer 2

No one can be made to feel. You can only choose to react to a feeling, and when you do, you accept what you are being told as having the power to make you do and be. When in fact what people of any gender have is a choice to do and be themselves and realizing that how someone feels should have no connection to a "must react this way" outcome for the feeling. Actions should come from a thought process of judgement based on common sense, experience, and guidance from parents,
mentor's, elders, councelors. Learning to separate a learned reaction from a feeling takes work. Recognition is the first step deciding to change is second, then finally putting the decision into practice will free you from thinking you are being made to feel. Sometimes the manipulative person trying to "push your button" needs to be told politely that this behavior is unacceptable. After a reasonable period of time, If they do not make an attempt to change their behavior you may wish to distance yourself from them. Some reactions don't need to be changed, eg,sadness = crying, Comedy = Laughter, others though can be devestating to deal with. Talk with someone safe, a minister, councellor, Parent, Grandparent, Doctor, etc... They can help you to understand how and when to separate your feelings from your behavior, and weather or not you should.
You Don't ever have to be everything, just be the best you, you can be.

Answer 3

I'm afraid women are the worst enemy of women, Louise D. We are too accepting of the unacceptable. Here are some of the things women accept that a man would not:

Menstruation - would a man put up with all that mess and inconvenience - hell-oh, I think not.

Vaginal childbirth - would a man lay there for 36 hours in terrible writhing agony feeling his flesh stretch and tear - uh-uh.

Juggling motherhood and a career - would any sensible man even try this one - betcha he wouldn't. He'd pick one.

As someone else said, women's liberation just piled the pressure onto us to be superwomen. I don't know that it liberated us at all. My mother's generation were mostly happy to be housewives but that is a dirty word today. But until we women start actively saying 'NO' to all the things that we shouldn't have to endure - things will never change.

Answer 4

This is the direct result of the women's liberation movement. Women are made to feel that more is expected of them because at one time a big fuss was made by many woman that they should be treated as equals to men. This means that not only can they share the same achievements but they share the same expectations. By the way, this is just my opinion on the history and cause and affects, I love women and feel that women should be respected and treated fairly. I don't want to send the wrong message about my beliefs, I just call them the way that I see them.

Answer 5

It's in our nature to be more emotional,caring and family oreintated than men.
We know that if we don't do it, no one will, hence the feeling of guilt. A woman should be able to embrace whatever role she choses and whether that is being a mother, professional or thrill seeker, however if she has responsibilities i.e cooking, cleaning and kids, then these must take priority.

Why is it that women feel repressed working to hold a family together and sacrificing their dreams/ambitions for the happiness of their Husbands and Children. I think it is a great and noble thing to do!

Answer 6

I agree. Its because WE women actually care unlike the opposite sex. I don't know but to me I guess there's just this stereotype that's been going on for a very long time and since its already been that way, its going to stick that way for a long time until these booty shaking half naked women stop prancing around on tv. Its not because we're insecure but we actually do care about the people we love and we don't want to lose them. We want to give them the best of what we have. The crux of it is that we care and we're just more sensitive towards our surroundings. Seeing how more and more people are getting influenced by the media, there's not much the rest of us who believes in ourselves can do.

Answer 7

It's not just women, its us men as well. However, you say these stereotypes are forced on you/us, but who is forcing you to do anything...? Why do you feel forced into looking a certain way or worse, thinking in a certain manner? You have every possibility to choose whatever you feel like doing. If you watch TV all day, or whatever, you are forcing yourself, you are leading yourself to believe that's where it's at, so to speak. But no one is forcing you to believe anything, even the Khmer Rouge, Stalin, the SS and other colorful groups of facists couldn't force some folks into believing stuff, why would you allow yourself to fall into the garbage they attempt to feed you...?
I find the motherly model of a woman to be pathetic, as well as the model of the hard working mom. No, I do NOT think women should stay at home all day, I think they should work as much as anybody else. But it doesn't stop there, and it certainly begins at an early age. There certainly IS some forcing in childhood and upbringing. There is even an early tyranny over kids' bodily functions. However, you can outgrow the brainwash -excuse me, education and parental love- if you want to. I came to realize that the only reason I am someone's child is because two people decided to have a little kid so they wouldn't get so bored with one another. Think about it, think about why children come about, I think that is a very important point that is widely overlooked when analyzing current models of behavior. If you accept the fact that in any society the young generations have the filial function of first serving as a narcissus' flower for the older and after that caring for them when they are all rotten and dying, you have a good starting point into understanding how you in fact are forced into certain patterns of behavior when you are just a child, (a blank cultural slate, in other words), but you CANNOT actually realize it as an adult, -as you and some of your friends seem to have done- and not do anything about it. Thus, I do NOT think you are being forced into anything. At this stage in life, you are actually CHOOSING your early cultural slavery to the freedom you could have.

Do you act upon it? I hope so, it seems like you actually might.

EDIT per Louise D's response: Hey, OK, I agree with you a bit more now, maybe I was missing the point a bit. I agree completely on the fact that there are pretty bizarre goals set for women (and men, I must insist), and of couse working is the only way to go if you want to eat, I wouldn't want to be under the economic support of someone, I'm not a kid anymore. I hope I was clear enough on this point, I think women should work as much as men do, not because they are women, but because they are humans: you wanna survive, then get a job! :) ;) However, I don't have issues, I disagree there, and yes, you are right to assume I don't have kids. I'll never have them, I could never be a father, and I don't particularly like kids too much, actually. I prefer to do with my time as I please, not have to make sure other people did their homework, made friends, didn't fight too much at school, don't do hard drugs when they grow older, etc. I am sure there is something very rewarding in having children, there is no doubt of this in my mind, but THAT is the main reason why I'd never have children; I'd rather be rewarded by my own actions/challenges/growth bla bla bla than by those of little folk I have to take care of. I know, I know, having kids is rewarding on some level I'm sure, but I prefer myself..... believe me, I am one heck of a handful to take care of my own self anyways!!!

Bye now, thanks for your response of sorts, best to you as well. (I'd keep on writing but oh! surprise, I gotta go to work now....... shucks.)

A.

Answer 8

Women as much as they dont want to actually conform to alot of the stereotyping that is layed upon us. Its up to the individual to change their attitude, we are just being mugs by trying to be what men want us to be, or the "ideal" my ideal isnt anything like what most men are, but do they try and change for us? No they just carry on regardless.

Answer 9

i think it's because life has taught us that we're not good enough. women in general feel like they consantly need 2 change because the place they are at in their life, who they are in life, what they do in life will never be enough.
it's such a burden 2 carry!

we need 2 c that it's ok. that we are ok no matter what stereotypical ideas people plant into our heads!

Answer 10

Because many women are gullible and believe the crap in the papers, adverts, etc - Religion teaches the mind to become submissive and soulless, and the stagnant mind is never happy.
(does not just apply to women)