he made it clear to me before he left me that he didn't love me anymore. He is rather cool with me each time he makes a contact. We were married for 18 tears. I just don't trust him anymore and I am wondering what goes in men's mind to even want a contact again after completely falling out of love with their wives? Any ideas out there of what to tell this confused man?
2006-11-27 23:35:57 · 13 answers · asked by BFCP 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He may have told you he didn't love you but did he really mean it ?? I don't honestly believe that after 18 years of marriage someone can just turn their love off like that. Did you accuse him of cheating ?? I'm guessing you did and you were probably right. Men seem to have a hard time relating to their wives after they have been found out or accused of wrong doing,I don't know whether it's a guilt thing or what but they just get very cold and nasty and act like they don't care. That's what l found anyway. What to tell him ?? l really don't know, tell him honestly how you feel and take it from there l guess. Could be the reason he acts so cool towards you is not that he doesn't love you but he is hurting ( strange l know ) and doesn't really know how to tell you. I really wish you well and lots of support. Good luck
2006-11-28 00:03:09 · answer #1 · answered by kazzadanni 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My ex did this exact thing. Do you know what he told me when I asked him why he was doing this? He said it was for a few reasons...He would contact me when he was feeling lonely because he knew I would be there. I was his "comfort zone". He said that just every once in awhile he would think...well maybe we could make it work...maybe, maybe, maybe. Then I saw the light. I said to him...this is just another game for you isn't it? I said you come back around so I can't heal and get over you. I felt that when he started seeing me getting stronger and able to make it without him, that bothered him. He simply went through a stage in his life where he had to feel that he was God and I just couldn't live without him. It was like an open wound, every time it started to close a little and I started to heal, he peeled it open even more and then poured salt in it. The added pain (so he thought) I don't know, I guess see me back in bed all day and boo hooing for him. My suggestion for you is this..Don't play into his games. Don't let him see you shed even one tear. That only gives them power and boosts their egos. Now I will tell you how my story ended, well until now anyway. I divorced my 1st husband (and this guy was cheating left and right by the way) in 1993, I met a man through my boss at the time soon after I left my 1st husband, we went on a date on Jan.11,1994, we saw eachother close to every night after that. My divorce was final 6 months after I filed. In Jan. of 1995 my 2nd...current....and better be my last.LOL. We have our moments but I adore the man. He is so giving, caring, and extremely attractive (but he doesn't know how attractive he is and I LOVE that about him). The HUGE kicker is this...My ex still TO THIS DAY tells me he messed up, there is no other woman in the world that would love him so unconditionally as I did. Each time he gives me his lines I say...stop right there. I didn't love you so unconditionally because I left him. I smuggly then say, oh wait...There was only 1 condition of which I told you from day one that I would not stand by and take...cheating and he did this so many times. The point being.....Don't let this man bring you down even further. I know it's hard but believe me, it's sweet in the end if he doesn't know that he still has that emotional hold on you. Hang in there. I know after 18 years it must be hard but it will get better every day.
2006-11-28 08:05:12 · answer #2 · answered by kenntonip 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it could be that his reasons for leaving you were another woman and now this other woman has since dumped hima nd he is lonely, could be that he has changed his mind and wants to come back but wants you to "beg", could be that he is just checking to see if you have moved on or are still greiving over him, or it could be that he is genuinely concerned for you after all the time you invested together. Who knows how men think. It depends on the day if yo ask me. I would just ask him why he is still contacting you if he doesn't love you anymore. Is he unhappy with his decision? Is he just trying to make you miserable? Lay it on the line. You will never heal from this until it is either over for good. or resolved. Good luck to you my dear.
2006-11-28 07:46:15 · answer #3 · answered by Snowflake25 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men always think the grass is greener on the other side. When he gets bored he comes back to you. He wants his cake and eat it too. You are the safe side of his life that he can depend on. Stop letting him use you as his comfort zone. Let him find out what he left behind was the best part of his life and he does not have it anymore. God bless you and move on I know that is harder than it sounds .
2006-11-28 08:38:50 · answer #4 · answered by springer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He probably misses you and is lonely and just wants to touch base with you at times.... try to be friends with him and nothing more and see how this works... Be thankful be contacts you at times... That is a good thing. Ask him why as well and see what he says. How long have the two of you been apart and seperated now? Do you have children together?
2006-11-28 07:40:59 · answer #5 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds to me like he wants to keep you holding on. not necessarily get back with but men are territorial creatures even though you "not his" any more he still wants to put his mark on you, almost like he doesn't want you to move on, or at least not without think of him 1st. If he is upsetting you , which it sounds like he is, then he has achieved his aim. you need to be strong ask him what exactly he wants? literally, then ask him to not contact you , if that is what you want, as you do not wish to talk to him any more. As for as long as he is still contacting you, i get the feeling some small part of you still thinks there is a chance and a want for you two to get back together. Good luck, be strong.
2006-11-28 07:42:27 · answer #6 · answered by Eve 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he want to check on you to make sure that you are alright. You said that you all were together for 18 years. He might have fallen out of love for you but that is too many years for him not to still care somewhat about you.
2006-11-28 07:38:34 · answer #7 · answered by redbull_photo 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you've got to be confused, if your done with the marriage.. let it go don't allow him to play games with your emotions. Once the trust is gone, you'll always wonder
2006-11-28 08:21:40 · answer #8 · answered by val l 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try asking him to not call. Sounds like it is just keeping you in a state of confusion.
If he calls, don't talk to him.
2006-11-28 13:39:38 · answer #9 · answered by Sally 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just avoid
2006-11-28 07:45:11 · answer #10 · answered by kkk 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋