What are the pros and cons of not having sex before marriage?

Question

Somebody at work believes in it and the way I see it is they must have great will power because presumably, if they are getting married they will have been living together and probably sleeping in the same bed and well, you know..........

And frankly, you wouldn't buy a new car withou test driving it.

I'm not against it, just wondered if anyone could shed some light on the logic behind it.

Answer 1

each to there own

Answer 2

Wow... popular question, I see lots of people answering.

Here's some light from a Christian:

Sex before marriage is fornication, highly frowned upon in the bible, and yes, it is God's word that says so. Hence even for this reason alone, I would not have sex before marriage.

So the pros are also that it makes the wedding night special, and makes the other partner feel special too (particularly if they are both virgins!) that they are sharing something sacred with each other for the first time. I think also if a couple can survive for years as boyfriend/girlfriend and still decide to get married, without having had sex, obviously their bond is much stronger than just physical. So after marriage, the sex is more likely to make the relationship even more bonded and passionate.

As for the cons, I think they are not much compared to the pros. The cons would be missing out on the "fun", but it is only a matter of time, and it is far better to do it with somebody you are going to be with for a long time.

Answer 3

This all depends on how you define 'sex'

If you mean sexual intercourse that is one thing - but a girl or guy can remain a technical 'virgin', yet have had oral sex and goodness knows what with goodness knows who!

So i can't really answer that question without knowing how you define sex.

Let's take it that you mean no sexual contact at all - kissing, but no intimate touching or anything else/

SO .....

Pros are:

No chance of having an STD
No thinking that a previous partner was better at this or better at that!
No chance of getting pregnant or getting partner pregnant.
Possibly a special bond.
Knowing you are doing the 'right' thing if your religion demands chastity.

Cons are:

Having a possibly crap wedding night cos both tired and inexperienced but feel have to consummate marriage.
Wondering if you would have enjoyed it more with someone else and a general feeling of 'missing out'.
Having to wait a LONG time - if you don't get married until 26 - 30, that is 10 - 14 years of waiting after the age of consent.
Finding out that you don't like sex.
Being at a teenage level of sexual maturity when you are a 20 or 30 something.
Feeling 'out of it' when people talk about sexual experiences.



Personally I can't see much benefit in the pros.

Answer 4

Depends on your age I think. If you are a young teenager who's just wanting sex because all their mates are saying they've 'done it' then it's not a good idea because you aren't even remotely emotionally mature until you are in your 20s and some teens just can't handle it and most regret it later on even if they can handle it. However, if you are emotionally mature then the pro would be that you'd discover if you and your partner are physically compatible. Apart from unwanted pregnancy, the cons are basically psychological problems like guilt if you happen to be religious or have been brought up in a very narrow minded family, or fear of the views of your family if it is against their beliefs. Glad you are thinking seriously about it before you do it - it's a serious matter.

Answer 5

Not everyone lives together before marriage! That seems to be really a misconception. The car test-driving thing just doesn't hold water. There are just some things that you would NOT buy used, if you know what I mean. I can't fathom, for example, why someone would choose used shoes.
I don't know that there's a lot of logic behind it, only for the ones who are deeply committed and have chosen that path. It's more emotional. If one believes in love and forever after, there is nothing more special and beautiful that having that person be the only one you have been with. It is a bond that can't be explained.
No worries about STDs, and practical concerns like that. Monogamy rocks!

Answer 6

Pros: If both partners are virgins, there is no chance of HIV or other STD's unless you are drug users and very few drug users are virgins. My wife is the only sexual partner I've had and we've been married 20 years. We've learned a lot together, even though she was more experienced when we met.

Cons: Even though I can't speak from experience, some people aren't sexually compatible. It would make for a bad marriage if the couple had a poor sex life. A person with a lot of experience could have an idea of good and bad.

Answer 7

Pro's of having premarital sex.....

1. You get to experience people in a way that you wouldn't normally experience them.

2. You learn what you like and dislike and what you are and aren't looking for.

3. You get experience and learn what other people like and dislike.

4. Once you've done it once or twice or three times, you no longer have the pressure of doing it for the first couple of times. And, when you marry someone, you want to be able to make them feel really good.

Cons of having premarital sex.

1. You have a sexual past, and if your husband/wife had premarital sex, they also have a sexual past.

2. Sex before marriage is not making love. Most generally, it's just having sex. There is a major difference, but no one knows the difference until they themselves have made love with someone.

3. There is the risk of STD's.

4. It may not feel good to "get another notch in the belt". It's not as special.

I hope this helps.

Answer 8

Being an older woman married 26 years and no sex prior to marriage maybe I can share a little light on this subject.
Alot of people this day and time confuse sex with love and marriage. When infact its only part of the relationship.
Use to men only mess with girls that they could satisfied their whims with. But not the woman they would marry and have children with.
Men back then and some now want to see if you are truely compatible. Such as who will raise the kids. What religion? Who will handle the finances? Most men and women that are very successful dont want another mans child and most certainly dont want to be with a woman/man that is divorced because for the most part those people carry around a huge amount of baggage for some reason they seem to hang on to and dont want to get rid of. Ive never met a couple that lived together that didnt have trouble right after they married because they never knew the person they married to begin with. Those mask dont come off till that ring is on that finger.
True love is when your married and sex is long gone due to sickness and health and your still there for them and you know they appreciate it. I have no source to list just experience.

Answer 9

Having sex before marriage - pros - you get to have sex

Cons - you might end up married to someone and have lousy sex for the rest of your life.

Apart from that...... the whole sex thing is supposed to be the most intimate act between two people, a show of complete love and complete trust. So it makes sense that you'd wait til you were married before having that love and trust because thats what its all supposed to be about traditionally. I have loads of admiration for anyone who still feels that way, unfortunately there are a lot of people out there who treat sex like a sport and it loses its meaningfulness.

Answer 10

Dont take this wrong but sex to me is important and sex would make or brake a relaishonship for me. So if i waited until my wedding night and then i found out it was rubbish i would be a little sad if not dissapointed. I think sex is a journey with your partner and you learn about what each other loves and dislikes and id like to know my partner physically before i married him. Plus i wouldnt like to rush into marrying sum1 because i wanted to sleep with them. I dont want to marry for a good 5 yaers and i couldnt wait until then!
Another thing, what if when your married you start wondering what other people are like in bed? What if then youve had a taster and you go and have an affair? Just a thought....
On the other hand, youd both be very horny on your wedding night and i guess it would be fun! :)

Answer 11

I think it is sweet to wait. There was a time that it was normal to not have sex before marriage. Also just because he do it once or twice before hand it certainly won't make you a latin lover in two easy lessons. If they are both inexperienced than hey you learn rom each other as time goes by., Not everyone likes the same things anyway. As for weather they will be rotten in bed I can tell ya that people can learn!