I'm a western professional in my 40's living in Asia. I have an interpreter at the office to assist me in communications. My interpreter is a demure (typical here), highly educated 30 year old single female Asian and I have fallen madly in love with her (unknown to her I think). She was engaged to be married and asked me my opinion of her situation. I was honest, and told her that in her culture she will be expected to give up her job and completely devote herself to her husbands’ needs and the home. Apparently, after our conversations, she asked her husband-to-be about his expectations and found that her life would in fact be worse than imagined. The marriage is now off. I feel responsible for this mess. I am married, love my wife and won't cheat - but when I'm near my interpreter I feel a gut wrenching attraction to her and I think she is attracted to me also. I don't want to fire her to protect myself but can't stand the tempation of having her near me- how do I get out of this?
2006-11-27 22:25:39 · 7 answers · asked by mindless 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First of all, wow, what a lot of venom in these answers! I was in a very similar situation in Asia actually. Just control yourself. Take a deep breath and move on. The feelings will pass. Sounds like you don't want to fire her but want to remove the temptation - if she is coming on to you, you'd better nip it in the bud now - don't let her get her hooks into you or you are dead ! I can't imagine the other posters have never been tempted by another - at least you are honest about it. I'd somehow make it clear to the interpreter that you have no interest in a relationship with her (regardless of your present urges) and see what happens. She'll likely move on.
Good luck - don't do anything stupid - stay focused - you'll be OK
2006-11-27 23:11:41 · answer #1 · answered by expat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have your boundaries all confused. First of all, you are not responsible for her breaking off the marriage. Maybe she listened to you but she is an adult. She made a decision. Secondly, firing this woman would be totally inappropriate. She has done nothing wrong except be.
You need to get some perspective on this. You may be going through a mid-life crisis. Buy a muscle car. Don't get involved with this woman. If you really care about your family, don't even make another move.
You introduced yourself as a "professional." Act the part. What you are talking about is called Sexual Harrassement in the good old USA, and probably most countries. You say you are married and don't want to cheat on your wife. Surely you must understand that you may be risking your job, your marriage and the chance of "marrying" into an extended Asian family. And this girl may not even know you exist, sexually speaking.
Instead of firing her, can she be transferred to another person that needs an interpreter? And maybe you can get a new one. Well, not so new. Like old and ugly, so you won't fall in love with her?
2006-11-27 22:44:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
IN one breathe you say you love your wife and won't cheat then in the next you say you've fallen madly in love, you have a gut wrenching attraction and you can't stand the temptation. What the hell do you mean ??Why should you fire this poor girl, she's been through enough already, hasn't she ?? You should be able to control yourself, after all you say you are a happily married man. I think you should grow up and stop acting like a love struck teenager !!
2006-11-27 22:41:18 · answer #3 · answered by kazzadanni 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you were my husband I would want you to tell me about this attraction and I would let you pursue it. I would be so happy to be rid of you. By the way my husband is working in Asia, and this is exactly how I feel. (This woman had no right to ask you for your advice, she is brash, knows you are married, you two deserve each other, and I hope you find out she is a money hungry Asian looking for a rich Westerner to give her a better life.)
2006-11-27 22:33:20 · answer #4 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me ask you this....is the temptation so great ....your need for her so strong that you are willing to risk the destruction of your family....so badly hurt your wife and your children...risk your job....for something that could be a one night fling? Grow up...try to put this in perspective and keep it in your pants.....or get a new job.....why would you fire her because you can't control yourself????? In your 40's but acting like a teenager.....be a real man and rise above this silly infatuation. Good luck
2006-11-27 22:32:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all what you are feeling for this woman is not love it is lust!!!! My suggestion to you is to fine a new interpreter.... Steer clear of this one as it will only lead to adultery and distruction. DO NOT cheat on your wife and ruin both of your lives.... She also needs to move on and find a single guy not you to talk with about this and to start seeings a new guy....
2006-11-27 22:41:14 · answer #6 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont feel she should be fired for doing nothing wrong, except listen to your advice.
you are the one that has to stay strong and fight the feelings you have for this woman for the sake of your marriage.
2006-11-27 22:31:47 · answer #7 · answered by vanessaoz 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋