i have been married 4 years. My husband got fired bc he got depression 4 yrs ago and never did anythng which resulted in him loosing his job. He finally got over his depressionn but it took 2 years to find a job..he found a job that went backwards and has been in that role 18 months... he is VERY unhappy and brings it all home..his personality has changed and he is always at work, comes home late and then he does his own stuff on the weekends. His personality has changed. He doesnt show he cares yet he keeps saying he does and things will get better..i feel llike it is a continual denial. He will never be happy untll he finds a job he really likes...how much longer should i go on like this ..its not like he treats me nicely anymore...he has become selfish..help pls
2006-11-27 21:51:07 · 16 answers · asked by nat n 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sounds like if you were gone he wouldn't even notice. I say get packin'.
2006-11-27 21:54:32 · answer #1 · answered by tumbleweed1954 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say it like it is all up to him. Marriage is a job, which takes a great deal of work and compromise from both individuals. You also must do something. And you can not just give up and throw in he towel when things get tough! You have made a commitment in front of God. Why don't you the two of you go to some marriage counseling. And even better get to church. Begin praying, God is probably waiting on you to call upon him, then he will begin to lift the burdens you are under. Good luck and God bless****
2006-11-27 22:20:44 · answer #2 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think 4 years is a reasonable time to expect someone to wait while you get yourself together. If I were you i would tell him that he must go to the doctor and be examined...depression is treatable. If not then he doesnt want to change and you would be within your rights to end this cohabitation. It's not a marriage...you rarely see him and then he does his own thing. Dont be put off with the 'it will get better' c.rap ..it never does...only worse. By the way....people have happy marriages even if they have a job they dont like...not many people get to do what they like in employment...or we would all be computer game testers and not plumbers or drivers or working at McDonalds.
2006-11-27 21:59:32 · answer #3 · answered by dragonrider707 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your in a rock and a hard place Hun. but i would insist that he gets help or your out the door because if you was to pack up now I don't think he would miss you at all. But on the other hand if he sees you packing and you tell him you are leaving him he just might kick his butt in gear and go for help. you have been there for him in the last 4 yrs. with no change but to the worst. So here is my question to you how much more can you take and how much further will you let him bring you down? stay in touch and let me know how you make out good luck to you
2006-11-27 22:20:21 · answer #4 · answered by Joe G 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like a "manic depressive" and needs help. You can give him a choice but a psychiatrist told me once that if a manic depressive goes into their little hole for more then a couple of years, they almost never come out, they're lost. so, with this in mind and long term care in the future with what you already have put into it. Maybe you'd better think another thought and get out now. let his family worry about him. It may seem crash but, better one then two? Your still young and many years ahead.
2006-11-27 22:24:59 · answer #5 · answered by cowboydoc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not having a job can be depressing, but to a point. i think there might be other things going on with him.he sounds like he is not happy at home any more. i really think that you have given him plenty of time. but if you want to give it one more chance then sit him down and tell him that you can not do this any more, that he needs to get his act together or you are leaving him.alot of people are at jobs that they don't like.but they deal with it. has he made an effort to find something else? if he hasn't then i would say see ya.
2006-11-27 22:04:23 · answer #6 · answered by here to help 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is very difficuilt situation. Consider if you could forget him totally then you can go for a divorce otherwise you have to put up with him. The depression will be there whole through his life and probably the medicines would only just calm him down but not up to your fullest expectations. Think it over very carefully and then decide.
2006-11-27 21:55:14 · answer #7 · answered by ssmindia 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it can't be worked out then end it now. I was in a miserable marriage for way, way, longer than that. We're talking double digit years. Kept thinking things would get better like he promised time after time I ended up wasting over half my life in a very unhappy marriage. If you can't work it out in a reasonable amount of time don't waste a lifetime hoping for a better life......GET A BETTER LIFE!!!!!
2006-11-27 23:47:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk with your husband and seek counseling with him for his depression and your marriage.... I really do not see a reason for divorce here.... Help him find a job that he likes... Why does he dislike his job so much and why is he so very depressed if I may ask.... Why is he coming home so late from work? He may also be having an affair.....
2006-11-27 22:05:04 · answer #9 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
first of all u need to know that depression wont go away by it self as long as the reason is still there u have to let him seek a medical help & u need to know that depressed people need a lot of care& try to intertain him&u .try going out to places he used to like before or try to work to help him financialy to reduce the stress over him u have to make extra effort before thinking that any thing will change after doing this try to talk to him nicely about ur realation to solve things out best luck.
2006-11-27 22:05:19 · answer #10 · answered by 123 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the first thing that popped into my mind when you described his depression and his personality change was ( drugs), are you sure that he isnt into the drug scene. it sure does sound like it to me. I would try to check it out as soon as i could. You still may be able to save him if this is the case. sit him down and ask him. or go snooping around. look for signs of drug abuse. like staying out at times, empty baggies, straws, razors, pipes, laying around the place or in his car. does he stay awake alot of time, or does he do a lot of projects at one time and never finishes them. things to that nature. if he is then its time for him to fess up to the problem and get some help. In any case he still should see a doctor for his depression. or maybe he just doesnt' want to live up to his responsibilities as a husband, and he just wants to be lazy. who knows , good luck
2006-11-27 22:01:12 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋