help and advice?

Question

two people having an affair there both married and are missrable in there marrages both have kids but they dont want to mess the kids family life up they want to be together but how do they go about it there affair has been going on for six months he wants to be with the her but the she wont break up with the partener what do they do. he wants to be with her and move in together but she dosnt want to hurt herhusband but is torn between the two help

its my brother who wants addvice what do i say he wants me to ring him today

Answer 1

I'd tell your brother that he is headed for heartbreak. The woman he's having an affair with doesn't want to leave her husband or hurt the kids. Let her go.

Answer 2

Your brother must decide this for himself.

There are two option in my opinion:

1. Stop the affair now. Both people tell their partner that they want to work on their marriages and do so.

2. Tell the spouses about the affair and see what happens.

Tell your brother that believe me it is NOT easy breaking up a home. The fall out from everyone is incredible. Unless he and the woman are totally sure that they can make it as a couple, i think they ought to forget it. The spouses will be hurt and angry and you dont know how they will react. The kids will be devastated and their behaviour will be difficult to cope with - crying, possible naughtiness, depression etc. The in-laws with have a lot to say about it. And at the end of it all, he will find himself living with another woman with HER kids and he may almost be in the same situation again - it could be a case of switching seats on the Titantic. Oh, and he'll have much less money!!

I would advise him STRONGLY to stop messing about and try and make his marriage work.

I have had 3 husbands. First one left me, so i know what that feels like. Second one i left after trying hardest to make it work. Whichever way it is NOT easy.

Answer 3

People like this piss me off ,,, It's always I do until one or both of them don't want to any more but by the time they've deside this it's usually one or two or possibly more children too late ,,,, They've realized that they weren't in love at all but in lust ,,,, Where does that leave the children ?? What do you do in a situation like this ?? Well first off ,,,, the important people in this relationship isn't the two people involved with each other ,,,,, It's their children ,,,,,Children don't ask to be born but they have every right to life when they were conceived ,,,, Children have no control over who their parents are either but they have every right to have responsible parents that look out and provide proper care for them ,,,, These two people need to stop being selfish and self centered and see to their responsibilities ,,,, They got married and have children ,,,, the word Obligation is what they need to think about now ,,,,

Answer 4

ok, first off im in a pretty similar situation here, i am married to a lovely man with 2 children who i do not find sexually attractive, but also sorry to say am "the other woman" to some one else. I didnt ask for it to happen either, but my marriage has been on the rocks for a while.
As to the comment about "obligations"....we all have those for godsake, doesnt make us a bad parent when things change in life!
My belief is that we only have one shot at this, if were not happy then change it, as long as the kids are kept well informed and told they are loved, thats all that matters.
Believe me i been there when i was a kid, i got over it!
He needs to sit "the other woman" down and ask her outright what her intentions are....if she says she wants to stay with her husband then he should finish all contact with her

Answer 5

Sounds like an excuse on her part. She wants her cake and eat it too. She is already messing up her kids by what she is doing. Tell her to stop being so selfish and start thinking of her children. Both of them are doing wrong. If they do not want to be married then they both should end it before starting something new.

Answer 6

It's a bit late to start worrying about hurting people, the selfishness over the last 6 months have seen to that.

Whatever course of action is chosen someone will get hurt, probably the kids.

Answer 7

Gosh,
What a situation!

I've had my parent divorce and my dad went off and had 2 more kids with a woman i didn't even like. I'm not messed up.

Maybe it'll be better if there is two happy and separated parents instead of together and miserable.]

Just think of how i thought of it in a childs point of veiw. Double christmas + birthday presents from each parent!

Answer 8

its horrible, believe me! but i did it, was with my hubby 20yrs 2 kids, i had an affair with a friend (male) that was a mistake, but affairs happen when your unhappy, then i was swept off my feet by my hubbies best mate, it was wrong and we tried so hard too be the friends we had been for 4 years, but it gets outta your control and instead of lust love kicks in, i never thought id leave my hubby i didnt think id have the guts, but i was unhappy and making my kids unhappy, he never asked me too leave, but hubby then found a card id wrote to my lover and kicked me out, it made it a bit easier, as he only asked me back once, and i stuck too it and never went back, ive broken my hubbies heart for which im deeply sorry, but ive made the right decision for me and my children i make sure they speak too dad everyday and see him as much as possible, ive learnt life is too short, and you do have to think of yourself hadnt done that before, everyone will be ok, i promise

Answer 9

after 6 months-it is a bit late to consider the options and then state-the couples are staying together for the kids. you gave no options that you are willing to accept.

Answer 10

He needs to stop being so demanding and step back...

She needs to decide what is important...

Perhaps they need to speak to their respective partners and explain their unhappiness... And see what can be done to deal with the situation...