I am a single mum of a 8yr old girl in a long-term relationship?

Question

we do not live together but i live at home with my sister and mum since separating from my husband 8 yrs ago. At present i stay 2 nghts with b'friend and my child stays 1 night with the two of us, he is slowly but surely trying to get to know her. I would like to live eleswhere but my child loves my mum and she her so I would not want them to part ever. My sister is almost 30 and single and says that i should not have a partner (especially when he asked me away on a weekend on my own with him - she said i must take my daughter) I don't think this is fair as a single mum am i entitled to have a relationship?

Answer 1

you are entitled to have a relationship. Your sister is 30 and is single and no kids, maybe she is regretting that she never had a relationship like the ones u have and doesnt want u to be happy just cuz shes not h appy. Go on, have fun, find urself the one, hes out there somewhere. trust me

Answer 2

There is a part of me that cannot help but think how when any of us brings a child into the world we should realize that we may have to make sacrifices if that means choosing what is best for the child. Its a reality of being a good mother, and we all ought to know it going in.

Having said that, while I think using the word "entitled" when it comes to a relationship seems a little off; I do think you have a right to have a certain type of a relationship. I think, though, that your sister is partly correct in terms of what is ideal for your daughter.

I think you can have a relationship, but since there is the chance that relationship won't be forever I think you should limit your daughter's exposure to it and to the boyfriend. If it were to turn out that you and the boyfriend decide to get married then your daughter's exposure to him could increase.

I think your sister is wrong if she thinks you should bring your daughter along for a weekend. You need to be a good role model for your daughter. Most mothers hope their daughter will grow up, be a little on the conservative side when it comes to sex, and eventually get married before having children. Your daughter doesn't need to witness your weekend stay-over with your boyfriend. If you were to break up with him your daughter will have learned that you have these relationships that come and go and she'll have guessed that sleeping together has gone on. That may not be the example you want to set for her.

I think you should have your "friend", go out for dinner and a movie on an evening here or there, maybe go for an outdoor type of activity with your daughter on a weekend day here or there; but otherwise, keep kind of discreet about the boyfriend. Your daughter shouldn't be witness to a string of boyfriends her mother has had; and, as I said, if you decide to marry this guy then you can deal with their getting to know each other more.

I tend to think if you stay at the boyfriend's for a couple of nights you should be back in the morning before you daughter gets up and realizes you stayed out all night. I don't think you ought to have her at your stay-overs at his house at all.

Just some thoughts on how some people see things....

Answer 3

Of course you are entitled to have a relationship and be happy. Your sister sounds like she is jealous. Why is she still at home at the age of 30. She needs to get a life like you are trying to. Of course go away for a weekend with your boyfriend. I am sure your mother won't mind looking after your daughter for a weekend. Good Luck

Answer 4

ur entitled 2 build ur own relationship with ur man 2.
a lil girl of 8, needs time without her mum, occasionally.
it will make her in2 a strong and balanced young lady.
if the arrangement is working 4 u, ur bf, ur daughter and ur mum, keep things exactly as they r.
don't listen 2 ur sister, sounds almost like she's a lil jealous of either ur daughter or u.
telling u ur not entitled 2 have a partner, what's she on?
planet backward?
tell her u value her opinion any other time but ur life and present day arrangements r not open 4 discussion.
u have fun, gal!
it's ur life and ur daughters happiness is and always has been ur no1 priority. she's not losing out or suffering so ur content.
when the time is right ur daughter and urself will move in with the bf and ur sister had better get used 2 the idea.

Answer 5

Well done you!!! sounds like you have been taking things real slow for the sake of your daughter I thinks thats great! You are more than right to have a life and a relationship, im guessing your sister may be a little bit jealous. take no notice.
Im a single mum with 2 kids I understand how hard it is to have a 'normal' relationship....sounds like its all going great. If you do move out your daughter will be cool as long as kids are with their mums they are fine and she can go and spend weekends with your mum and sister....more time for you and your man!! Enjoy girl xx

Answer 6

Yes, you are entitled to a relationship, BUT you have to realize that he is not just dating you, but he is also having (or building) a relationship with your daughter. And if he can't accept your daughter, then there really should be no relationship. But if he gets along with your daughter well, you should all work on making the relationship between all 3 of you, as he's already been in a long term relationship with you.

Answer 7

Sorry to be blunt, but what has it got to do with your sister. You are a grown woman and as a human being entitled to happiness. I was a single mum for 4 years and finally met a man to whom I'm married. It can be difficult at times but you have to be strong. It sounds to me like you are doing everything right apart from listening too much to your sister and mum. You have every right to go away on holiday without your daughter. She will have to learn that you are a separate entity to her and that doing things for you makes you a happier and better mother. I obviously don't know you or your situation in detail, but given what you ahve said I would tell your sister to butt out, you also have to ask your mum to be reasonable - she needs to know that you will not take your daughter away, but that you are entitled to have a place of your own and a life of your own. You need to get stronger girl. I understand that your mum and sis have probably been there for you since your breakup, but that doesnt mean you ahve to be beholden to them for the rest of your life. Be strong and beleive that whatever situation you are in you are entitled to a life outside that of single mum. You have to ask yourself why they are trying to manipulate you emotionally...ultimately people do this for their own selfish motives rather than for the good of the individual. It is wrong for them to use your daughter as a way of controlling you. Essentially your daughter will be happy if you are happy and strong, whether that is with this man or not.

Answer 8

Yes. You are entitled to have a relationship. Your child belongs to you. If you feel that your daughter is more comfortable with your mother and your mother really wants to keep your child who is 8 years old, you should allow her to keep her as long as YOU and not your mother, are paying for your daughter's care and expenses. A girl 8 years old should not be staying with you and your "boyfriend" until your marriage plans have materialized. Maybe, your sister does not get along with your daughter and she is invading her living space. Talk to your sister about this.
See that your daughter is respectful to your sister as an aunt, since she is living with her too.

Answer 9

Yes you are entitled to enjoy your life, why should you be restricted, your mum is happy to look after your daughter and wants you to be happy too, as would any mum. I think your sister needs to change her attitude, and i do detect a bit of envy. You care for your daughter but you also need to care about yourself too, and if your daughter sees you in a strong loving relationship she will grow up happier than seeing a lonely, unhappy mum!

Answer 10

of course you are entitled to a relationship, not only that but you entitled to a life. have you spoken to your daughter about this. I'm sure if you explained to her about what mummy wants. I'm sure if you try hard enough you could get a place near your mum and sister, there for your daughter would still be able to have contact with them, also she would then not have to be pulled put of school and put into another.