How can I reclaim eight years of social weaknesses?

Question

I have my reasons but I've kind of secluded myself dor the last eight years. I've been single, lonely, and at times, a little bitter... and I haven't had sex in about 3 years. On top of that, the sex I have had was one night stand oriented. I am worried that when I am ready to open up socially, it will be to late and I'm going to be cold and hard to approach. Anyone have any idea's on how I can overcome my social weaknesses?

Answer 1

Interesting question. Do you work?

If not, find work that involves people. If that's too much even work (temporary) as any form of cleaner perhaps in public places might be a start. Fresh air, activity and people would be perfect. If it's a social phobia then there are things you can do. Hypnotherapy from a really good practitioner is excellent for this and often works in a single session. Don't spend months in therapy though. A few short quick sessions will be the best.

Have you considered voluntary work of one kind or another? Maybe just a day a week that involves people perhaps. The bottom line will be getting involved with the world again.

Also, consider moving house if possible. Move city even if you don't have many social contacts where you are. I moved from one town where I'd been for ten years to a new place. I met ten times more people in 12 months than in ten years.

Like drinking much? Unless you'd been an alcoholic, consider the local bars, only as a means to an end. Just being out and with people. Same goes for coffee bars during the day. Whatever you do, don't pressure yourself to talk to people. Just get used to being around people, and perhaps saying hi to the odd person.

Take small steps and be patient with yourself. Each step will be slightly uncomfortable perhaps. You will need the uncomfortable steps however, just graduate them and get used to each stage.

Steady progress and perhaps some big changes here and there will be key.

Good luck.

Only resort to medication if there are serious mental symptoms that are identified by a professional. If the steps you take cause extreme discomfort then professional support is indicated, just don't be fooled that it *must* take a long time. Sometimes it can, but that's usually something that's happened physically to your brain. Psychological stuff *can* be worked with quicker than many people believe possible. It just depends on what's actually happened. Just make sure you have decent quality professional help if you have any thoughts that you need it.

Answer 2

I guess it depends on what made you retreat in the first place? If it was just a gradual thing that happen then maybe a gradual reemergence would be best. If it was because of something dramatic, then start slow and don't let yourself get discouraged. There are a lot of hermit out there. I balance on the edge myself. Some days I hate people period, other days my toleration is better.Of course I do not see it as social weakness so much as my stupidity meter runs low. So have faith and grin and bear it and then retreat when you can't take any more.

Answer 3

Hey..
I have secluded myself as well for the latst 3 years.
Single, lonley, at times bitter, yes I can relate to that, but I can relate much more to 'getting to know myself with no distractions'
and 'really getting to love myself'
Here's what I have to share from my heart:
Opening up is not something that is done socially.
Opening up is something YOU decide to do with YOU.
YOU decide if you're ready to take a risk an adventure
Do you feel scared?
I will invite you to visit YOURSELF when you were a child.
Remember when you could not walk?
Oh - come one - give it at least 3 minutes of your attention before you shoo this conversation away!
So - let's assume you gave yourself a few minutes of remembrance - you're reminiscing your first steps.
Just let yourself remember. The lesson of how to do something new is already within you. You know. You can.
Woah! what is that? there are other people around!
Yes, there are other people around. All of them have the same potential of feeling, believing and acting like you do.
All of your peers share the same strenghts AND weaknesses YOU feel.
Really, they do!
I'll not give you a recipe. I believe that YOU have the recipe in your heart and soul.
I invite your comments, thoughts and concerns at my email

Answer 4

Paxil. Therapy. Paxil. More Therapy. But mostly, Paxil.

I may be kidding, because i dont know what your reasons were for withdrawing in the first place, but depending on the reason you might be able to use one or both of those methods above.

A little therapy for people never hurt anyone. And some medication can help the process along.

Answer 5

Start making friends online, that may give you confidence to open up and eventually meet people in person.
You didn't mention whether or not you work so I suggest if you're not to go out there and find a job where you can meet people - and if you ARE working maybe move to a different area of the office where you can chat with new people.......you never know.
Email me [e-mail]

Answer 6

Make a tape in your voice of positive affirmations and listen to it twice (or more) per day. Eventually your subconcious will start believing what you are telling yourself and your actions, behaviors, and feelings of confidence will return. If I can come back from the literal edge of hell on these tapes, you can overcome a slight backstep in your confidence...

Answer 7

Just do it.

Seriously. You just have to decide that you want to be social more than you want to be anti-social. Once you make that decision, then ask yourself, "What would I do if I wanted to be social?"

You know the answers.

What you're fighting is inertia. The non-social approach has worked for you for the past 8 years. Now it's not working. Figure out why, then move on.

Answer 8

it's never too late. just go out there and start talking to women. don't be creepy or a jerk. just make some conversation. even saying hello to strangers is a good start. eventually you'll work your way up to talking about the waether, how their weekend was, etc.

as for sex, call girls are always good.