I am a 34 year old mother of 2 small children 6 and 4. I have been in a severely emotional and verbally abusive marriage for 8 years( together 12 years). He has been physical by choking me in the past( over 4 years ago). I have been preparing to leave him and my brother died last night. the FOURTH brother I have lost in my life. This is so painful. We were arguing when I got the call. I rushed out hte door. After visiting my mom and family I came home and he was mr niceguy and I cried on his shoulder etc. I always fall for his so called 'caring' behavior then it's thrown in my face later. I get called horrible names while he's screaming in my face, I can't do anything right and I'm not in love with him anymore. my kids run to hteir closets and he's becoming increasingly mean to them with his words. He says i'm worhtless and gets all in my face to scare me. Then he'll be nice like nothing happened. My ? is, how do I keep my emotions at bay so I can leave?
2006-11-27 19:50:56 · 21 answers · asked by Veronique 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The Mr. Nice Guy stuff is classic abuser behavior. Contact a domestic abuse center. Educate yourself. Get as much emotional support as you can from your friends and family. They can help you keep your head in the right place when you're having ambivalent feelings. These situations don't typically get better, they get worse. Good luck, my heart goes out to you.
2006-11-27 19:54:43 · answer #1 · answered by Bastardo 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You have gotten some good advice so far and I also want to add that one of the biggest reasons why he is so abusive is because you have fed into it. I'm not saying you are in the wrong in any way, but you know in your heart that you and your kids need to be far away from this "man", but every time you want to leave, he knows all he has to do is charm you a little and you find yourself in the same abusive cycle all over again. As you're walking out the door, urge him to seek counseling because he needs it if he's ever going to be a better man and you and the kids need counseling if you ever plan on having a quality relationship. I pray the best for all of you.
2006-11-28 04:04:08 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
So terribly sorry to hear about your brother. But it's time for you and your children to be strong and leave, during the day-while your husband if needed. With his behavior, you owe him NO explanation-just leave-while you still are OK. Do you actually feel you and your little kids deserve this kind of life? Your kids didn't even ask to be born-so why put them through this? If your husband loved and respected you, he would NOT be doing this to you. He is sick and needs serious help, but that's has to come within HIMSELF. Do yourself a favor, and be a mother-get out of the environment, before you all end up like your poor brother. God bless you all!
2006-11-28 04:01:58 · answer #3 · answered by sue d 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My heart goes out to you. You say you have been "preparing" to leave him for a while now so I think it is time you let all that work pay off. You don't deserve to be beaten down like that... emotional and verbal abuse are often times the worst kind because they do not leave bruises and people are less inclined to inquire. The fact that he can be sweet when need be shows that his actions are not "accidental"... when he hurts you he means to. For the sake of your children and your own sanity, get out. This relationship is only destructive and whatever "love" there seems to be only seems to be superficial. You and your little ones deserve more than that, wouldn't you say?
2006-11-28 03:57:47 · answer #4 · answered by Whatev' Yo' 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
GET OUT. get support, whether it's through family, friends, or some kind of helping service or support group. tell your story to whoever you feel safe with. when youre second guessing yourself, think back to the times when he was so terrible that you just knew you really needed to leave him. think about your KIDS. do you want them growing up in that environment? do you want then to become abusers as adults? (it is very much passed on from generation to generation). be strong. know youre doing the right thing. love yourself. accept whats going on. understand that it may be hard at first but in the end it will be for the best. respect yourself. hes an abuser, and hes probably pretty d*mn good at it. help yourself!! you can do it.....
2006-11-28 03:57:02 · answer #5 · answered by christina rose 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think at 34 with 2 small kids, you know what to do. Don't be afraid to do what's right. Many "heavy" decisions in life leave you feeling overwhelmed because of the uncertainties or the unknown future, but you will have a ton of weight lifted off of your shoulders when you make that change. I will pray for you and your family. I offer my condolences for your losts. God Bless.
2006-11-28 04:04:48 · answer #6 · answered by Inquiring mind wants to know.. 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Been there, done that, bought the TShirt, split it in the divorce. Yes it is hard to leave, You're scared of everything and he has probably made you think that you can't survive without him. You absolutely CAN and will survive without him because you won't survive. He doesn't hit you, he JUST chokes you, he JUST calls you names, he JUST.....one of these days JUST is going to change. Find whatever support you need and LEAVE as fast as you can and STAY gone. Like any other drug you need to detox from this man and then you will feel better. Your children are learning from you. If you don't want them to become you or their father you need to stop setting the example that this behavior is ok because it is NOT. Do you want your kids to be you? Do you want them to be him?
2006-11-28 04:18:43 · answer #7 · answered by Leslie 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
u know i know exactly what u mean, and its easy for others to tell u "get the hell out" , but i really dont know how to put it words but its hard, u have the love, cuz u r thinking just maybe he will change, then u have fear, the fear of being alone. well so did i but i left anyway and it wasnt that scary babe . u really need to get away before something really bad happens to u. start packing things but dont let him know or see and when he leaves out the front door u and the kids GET OUT THE BACK DOOR. there r so many services that can help u back when i did it there wasnt as many. u can do i i kno u can good luck sweetie and the kids
2006-11-28 04:04:39 · answer #8 · answered by honeyinaz 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well if he he doing all of that you need to leave if not for your self do it for your kids because your kids is afraid of him also. and you don't want your kids to grow up been like him. you said you don't love him then you don't need to be there. you need to get out as soon as you can. your parents have been through too much with all of the death in your family don't make them have to go through that again with yours. if you stay there with him he could hurt you really bad and your kids would be without a mother. why didn't you call the cops when he choked you. you need to get all of that abuse reported because if something happen they would know about it. think about your kids. they shouldn't have to live in a house where they are afraid of there dad. you kids come first. words can hurt just like a fist hitting you. your kids will be damage because of the mess they are living in. get out before it's too late. good luck !!!!
2006-11-28 04:41:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let me tell you this is not going to get any better,that man has a problem,you need to get your kids and get out of there,he will kill you one day or god forbid that he gets mad at you and take it out on the children.I've been there I know what I'm talking about no man is worth all the drama like my grandma used to say ,you can do bad by yourself you don't need no one to bring you down,so pick yourself up, get strong but most of all get some type of help,call the women's shelter do this for your children
2006-11-28 04:31:56 · answer #10 · answered by carolstar 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋