I always smile and stuff and i don't always feel like it but i feel i offend people if i don't smile. cause if i just relax my mouth i feel like it looks like a frown.
and other things that people pleasers do.
how do i stop?
2006-11-27 19:31:11 · 9 answers · asked by chapped lips 5 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
With that picture you better smile or I start crying!
I know the problem of always be there for others and never get anything back in return. This is how people are and I am sorry to say that you cannot change them. If you are not in the mood to smile then don't smile. Try to do what you want to do for a change even if this does not last long as we always return to be the Mr. or Mrs. Nice again.
2006-11-27 19:39:06 · answer #1 · answered by sand 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It’s not just people pleasing… it’s fear of displeasing and upseting people.People-pleasing is a learned behavior that can be unlearned. Although habits may be deeply engrained, small changes can make a huge difference. Next time you're asked to volunteer, instead of jumping in with a "Yes", say, instead, "I'll get back to you on that." You will come to understand that "no" is a complete sentence, and you can utter the word! If you can't imagine doing this, use this "fake it till you make it trick"...tell yourself that you have your own individuality, in anything you do, and you cannot be the same to everybody.
I just got this from the site, mentioned below, and I hope it really helps.
1) Recognize and admit that excessive people pleasing is a problem in your life.
2) Make a decision to start expressing your needs to everyone in your life in a clear, concise, articulate manner.
3) Practice articulating your needs with someone who is non-threatening (a therapist, a trusted friend or colleague, an understanding partner).
4) Understand that confrontation need not be a negative thing. Indeed, if it is handled well, and with a little finesse, a healthy confrontation can actually lead to better, more honest communication.
5) If you currently gravitate toward friends, bosses, and/or romantic partners who have overly dominant, controlling personalities, consider befriending people who do not possess these personality traits, because such people are bound to trigger your old people-pleasing tendencies.
6) Remind yourself that it is perfectly acceptable to disagree with other people. You don't have to be anyone's "Yes-man" or "Yes-woman." In fact, you will command greater respect from just about everyone you know as soon as you start expressing your honest, heartfelt feelings and opinions, whether or not others agree with you.
7) And speaking of your opinions, you will need to spend a considerable amount of time and energy actively exploring and learning how to fully experience and articulate your own thoughts and feelings. After all, you have worked very hard to suppress your true feelings all these years, so it will take a while to get reacquainted with them now that you are working on leaving your people-pleasing behavior behind you for good.
Hope this helps. You can stop. I am sure.
2006-11-27 20:24:52 · answer #2 · answered by arya 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's always nice to have a chipper attitude, but at the end of the day, there are certain people, like friends, who deserve it more than some stranger.
And even then, you have no responsibility to be nice all the time. I'm pretty sure you are human, right? Anyone who gets offended by absence of a smile needs a reality check.
I suggestion is don't be to hellbent on what everyday people think of you. More often than not, peoplepleasers become doormats to people who know how to manipulate and take advantage of your good intentions.
2006-11-27 19:40:04 · answer #3 · answered by JD H 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being a people pleaser will become a heavier and heavier burdon to you as time goes by. What you will learn is while you are pleasing one person another will be offended by it. So the best thing to do is not worry about pleasing people but just to be yourself. No one really likes a people pleaser anyway they mostly just use them. You cant please everyone so please yourself. People will either like you or wont no matter what you do anyway. being a people pleaser is a full time job and in a few years you will be burned out.
2006-11-27 19:36:11 · answer #4 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Develop self-esteem and practise the skill of saying 'no' with love. Allow in the possibility that you can be rejected or disliked on the particular occasion -- and that it doesn't mean YOU, fundamentally, are being rejected by everyone always and will never have friends, or that you are wothless.
If you can accept spiritual language, I would say you can think of yourself and the other person as equally divine beings (unrealized Buddhas, children of the one God, whatever language suits you) and it may help you to feel love equally for them AND for yourself.... and to know that you are loved beyond measure right now, even if you are not feeling it for the moment.
2006-11-27 19:38:59 · answer #5 · answered by MBK 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its perfectly ok to not smile if you dont feel like it. Its ok to be considerate about other peoples feelings, but dont strive to be that perfect people pleaser, or you'll end losing yourself. There wont be any of the people you try so hard to please, to help you once that happens.
2006-11-27 19:43:46 · answer #6 · answered by Jenny Joanna 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i used to have the same problem... u gotta be urself and stop thinking of how to avoid offending anyone... if there's no need to smile simply DON'T SMILE.... or if u don't wanna go to a specific place ...just don't go.. coz that may be like lying on yourself .... so what za helllllllll ... just relax and be yourself....
2006-11-27 19:42:06 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's all about selfconfidence, attitude and personallity.
Feel free to be yourself.
2006-11-27 19:37:23 · answer #8 · answered by emma_croes34 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
don't stop when you holler at me!
2006-11-28 07:45:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋